14st 10lb. I woke up feeling like a Sumo wrestler this morning and instinctively knew the needle on the scales wasn't going to be kind. In fact, I was almost tempted to fib and pretend that I had forgotten to get on them at all.
However, I promised myself at the start of this project, that I was going to be honest and so it will continue. I must, at this point, apologise for my lack of blog for the past two days. It is certainly not lack of interest or that I am in any way "losing it", it is just that my work is so busy at the moment and I am so exhausted when I finally stumble through the door that writing is the last thing on my mind. I manage the cafe at the local Auction Mart and it is the time of year when they sell everything to do with sheep - fat lambs, gimmers, tups (boys), old ewes (like me, past their best). Thankfully, these huge days have been for gimmers which are going off to pastures new to breed - if I happen to leave the kitchen and a cattle wagon of bleeting sheep go past I can wave them off with the knowledge that they are not about to meet their maker. Since I absolutely love a succulent leg of lamb, studded with sprigs of fresh rosemary and cloves of garlic, I am hypocritical to get sentimental about the fate of the little fatties going straight to the abattoir! Anyway, tomorrow we have Leicester Tup day which is massive and will involve working from 5am in the morning to around 2am the following morning, if we're lucky. I will not be blogging!
So, finally I get to the little fact that I have gained 2lb since last Friday. I deserve to have done. I know myself very well and, as I have said before, when I am really busy and focussed on work, I don't even think to eat. However, the last two days at work have been very long but, after the main rush in the mornings, they can be quite steady. Then, I graze. I pinch little bits of food far too often - an end of scone, a small bowl of creamy rice pud with homemade jam and cream (twice), a sliver of blackcurrant cheese cake (4 times), a bowl of porridge with honey when I got home. There is a pattern you may notice - when I am tired (which believe me I am!) I only want sugar. Comfort. Energy. I don't think I am eating too much at all but, I bet if I added up the calories, it would be bigger than I think. Added to which, I am on my poor exhausted legs all day, but not actually exercising.
What's to do? To be honest, get through the big days as best I can and sort it out afterwards. After tomorrow, I have no more mamouth days until the end of October so I have no excuses. It worries me that I am not changing or beating these sugar cravings. My desire to eat naughty food is still there like a big fat demon, especially when my defenses are down.
There is alot of work to do. See you Friday.
E xx
PS I had a grapefruit for breakfast!
PPS There are so many topics in the papers this week for discussion - mind over matter, beat up working Mum's and pile on the guilt (AGAIN!) - we will talk later!
Wednesday 30 September 2009
Sunday 27 September 2009
Serious Subject Sunday - addiction
I have a confession to make. My mother will kill me when she reads this, but I have not resisted temptation today. I have been weak.
Firstly, I had a cup of tea in my hand at the same time as there happened to be a plate of flapjack in front of me. I can't even say it was a subconscious act to take the sticky, honeyed flapjack off the plate, dip it in my tea and lift the divine soggy mass to my mouth. No, I did it knowing full well it was naughty. Now, if it had stopped there, it wouldn't have been too bad - but it didn't. I knew I was going to be busy at work today so I had made a big pork pie for lunch to cheer my poorly partner up (he has "flu") and served it with mushy peas, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy. I put a little spoon of mash on my plate with lots of cauliflower, some peas and a little gravy and then, almost as an after thought, a very small piece of pie. Still not a hanging offence. However, for pud I had made chocolate sponge with chocolate custard and vanilla icecream. I had a banana......until everyone had left the table, I had done the washing up and made a cup of tea - then I had a lovely bowl of richly chocolately pudding with hot sauce poured over icecream. God, it was soooo GOOD! But really, really naughty. This afternoon I peeled and chopped 20kg of carrots as penance - and resisted a KitKat that was screaming at me from the shelves at work.
My halo is tarnished. I will try harder.
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday today and this one has been on my mind for a while. I have heard a couple of items on the radio in the last couple of weeks that have made me consider how situations that, on the surface are totally different, have similarities. A couple of weeks ago there was an interview on the radio with a mature celebrity in which she was discussing her alcohol dependency. It was really interesting to listen to her discussing how, over the years, she had resolved on so many occasions to stop drinking and failed. She loathed herself during this time. A number of years ago now, I knew a young man who was sent to prison for drink driving. He was desperately unhappy about his inability to stop drinking even though he was aware that he was ruining his life. On the face of it he had the world at his feet - young, good looking, pleasant personality, good job but slowly he went from casual drinking to having a serious drink problem. At the time, I was about 15 stone and very unhappy. Every morning I resolved to take control. Virtually every morning I would fail. He was the same with his drinking. We had a number of discussions about getting our lives in order and being stronger.
Another discussion on the radio this week was about personal debt. There was a woman who had got into huge debt (hundreds of thousands of pounds) due to uncontrollable spending. She knew it was wrong and would promise herself not to do it anymore but then would go out in her lunch hour and spend thousands of pounds. All on credit. The buzz she got from spending would rarely last until she got back to work. Now I don't have a problem with spending - I haven't got any money and it wouldn't appeal to me to run up debt even if I could but, I do suffer from the same degree of lack of control, just in a different field.
Last Christmas, I had a major disagreement with our vicar, when she suggested that my determination to help someone battling an addiction problem was actually me trying to avoid addressing my own. I was furious - in my opinion I was just being a "good samaritan", as we are encouraged to be. However, when I thought about it, other than just being a good friend, I wanted to help make this person's life better, to boost her self esteem and try to make her see that she had a lot to live for. I could understand her inability to control her own addiction, only because of my inability to take control of my eating and consequent impact on my health. Although I am loathe to admit it, my vicar was in many respects, right.
The discussion on the radio basically said that many alcohol and drug related problems stem from low self esteem and lack of confidence as well as circumstance. Ignorance plays a big part in weight related issues but I am certain if you questioned overweight people, you would find that they all suffered from low self esteem and self image. The issues are the same. It's just that alcohol and drug abuse are less socially acceptable and destruction of health and well being are in most instances, more immediate. The main difference is perhaps that many weight related problems result in low self esteem whereas drug and alcohol problems are initiated by it. Anyway, I am batting way beyond my ability here but all I really mean is addiction whether it be to drugs, alcohol, gambling or food need to be treated with a degree of compassion and understanding and that the bull can only be taken by the horns by the person with the problem when they are ready.
Unfortunately I must go to bed as I need to be in work at 5am tomorrow. My peace has been shattered by my partner coming in from the pub and putting the life history of Abba on the television - "Waterloo" is not great for concentration!!
I doubt I'll make it tomorrow as I'll be at work until late tomorrow night.
Good week coming up!
E xx
Firstly, I had a cup of tea in my hand at the same time as there happened to be a plate of flapjack in front of me. I can't even say it was a subconscious act to take the sticky, honeyed flapjack off the plate, dip it in my tea and lift the divine soggy mass to my mouth. No, I did it knowing full well it was naughty. Now, if it had stopped there, it wouldn't have been too bad - but it didn't. I knew I was going to be busy at work today so I had made a big pork pie for lunch to cheer my poorly partner up (he has "flu") and served it with mushy peas, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy. I put a little spoon of mash on my plate with lots of cauliflower, some peas and a little gravy and then, almost as an after thought, a very small piece of pie. Still not a hanging offence. However, for pud I had made chocolate sponge with chocolate custard and vanilla icecream. I had a banana......until everyone had left the table, I had done the washing up and made a cup of tea - then I had a lovely bowl of richly chocolately pudding with hot sauce poured over icecream. God, it was soooo GOOD! But really, really naughty. This afternoon I peeled and chopped 20kg of carrots as penance - and resisted a KitKat that was screaming at me from the shelves at work.
My halo is tarnished. I will try harder.
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday today and this one has been on my mind for a while. I have heard a couple of items on the radio in the last couple of weeks that have made me consider how situations that, on the surface are totally different, have similarities. A couple of weeks ago there was an interview on the radio with a mature celebrity in which she was discussing her alcohol dependency. It was really interesting to listen to her discussing how, over the years, she had resolved on so many occasions to stop drinking and failed. She loathed herself during this time. A number of years ago now, I knew a young man who was sent to prison for drink driving. He was desperately unhappy about his inability to stop drinking even though he was aware that he was ruining his life. On the face of it he had the world at his feet - young, good looking, pleasant personality, good job but slowly he went from casual drinking to having a serious drink problem. At the time, I was about 15 stone and very unhappy. Every morning I resolved to take control. Virtually every morning I would fail. He was the same with his drinking. We had a number of discussions about getting our lives in order and being stronger.
Another discussion on the radio this week was about personal debt. There was a woman who had got into huge debt (hundreds of thousands of pounds) due to uncontrollable spending. She knew it was wrong and would promise herself not to do it anymore but then would go out in her lunch hour and spend thousands of pounds. All on credit. The buzz she got from spending would rarely last until she got back to work. Now I don't have a problem with spending - I haven't got any money and it wouldn't appeal to me to run up debt even if I could but, I do suffer from the same degree of lack of control, just in a different field.
Last Christmas, I had a major disagreement with our vicar, when she suggested that my determination to help someone battling an addiction problem was actually me trying to avoid addressing my own. I was furious - in my opinion I was just being a "good samaritan", as we are encouraged to be. However, when I thought about it, other than just being a good friend, I wanted to help make this person's life better, to boost her self esteem and try to make her see that she had a lot to live for. I could understand her inability to control her own addiction, only because of my inability to take control of my eating and consequent impact on my health. Although I am loathe to admit it, my vicar was in many respects, right.
The discussion on the radio basically said that many alcohol and drug related problems stem from low self esteem and lack of confidence as well as circumstance. Ignorance plays a big part in weight related issues but I am certain if you questioned overweight people, you would find that they all suffered from low self esteem and self image. The issues are the same. It's just that alcohol and drug abuse are less socially acceptable and destruction of health and well being are in most instances, more immediate. The main difference is perhaps that many weight related problems result in low self esteem whereas drug and alcohol problems are initiated by it. Anyway, I am batting way beyond my ability here but all I really mean is addiction whether it be to drugs, alcohol, gambling or food need to be treated with a degree of compassion and understanding and that the bull can only be taken by the horns by the person with the problem when they are ready.
Unfortunately I must go to bed as I need to be in work at 5am tomorrow. My peace has been shattered by my partner coming in from the pub and putting the life history of Abba on the television - "Waterloo" is not great for concentration!!
I doubt I'll make it tomorrow as I'll be at work until late tomorrow night.
Good week coming up!
E xx
Bouncing beetroot
Not a weigh day. In fact, you may notice that this posting is after midnight as I have been at a party. I could even admit to kind of coming home earlier than I perhaps would have because I knew I hadn't written my blog - I am getting sad!
I short changed you yesterday. It was partly because I was absolutely shattered but partly as I could find no peace. My beloved was sitting next to me on the sofa, snivelling with a cold and eating whilst watching "Extreme Logging" or some equally irritatingly narrated programme - maybe Iceroad Truckers or Worlds Greatest Catch. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate at all.
Today has been pretty good and I have got most of what I set out to do, done. I am still without hot water (five days now) which is really annoying. The silt is building up around me and I just can't face cleaning by boiling kettles. I had yoghurt & muesli for breakfast whilst checking I still have a brain and doing yesterday's sudoku from the paper. I then went to work for a couple of hours. It has been a gloriously sunny, blue sky day which lifts your spirits (and dries the washing). I went to the farm to pick damsons and green beans and managed to snaffle some tomatoes on the vine while I was there. The sight of the damsons on the branches against the cloudless sky was just so perfect. I am going to make some jam and a good sized jar of damson gin. I am not going to make a pie with an irresistible sugary crust - sorry family, I can't risk it! The beans will blanch and go in the freezer.
When I got back, Ben"the relentless"Smith and Emily were lying in the sun on the front lawn. Haha, not doing anything. No excuses, you can put me through my paces at tennis. To give him credit, he didn't even try to get out of it. We played three sets in the sunshine and when I took the keys back, the guy suggested I see a doctor. I was a beetroot. Whatever my level of fitness, health, weight, it does not matter, I go bright red/purple with a white line around my hair line at the first sign of exertion. It is so embarrassing and stays with me for a couple of hours afterwards. However, contrary to the obvious evidence, Ben"bloody relentless"Smith said I was lazy today - lazy! I was absolutely knackered! At first, I thought he was goading me into being more aggressive but no, I think he really thought I was lazy. Christ, I was nearly knocking myself out with my own breasts, I was trying so hard. (If I am to take up this sport seriously, I am going to have to force myself to invest in a sports bra - I am in real danger of physical damage - wriggling puppies in a blanket as they were once described). I was useless and only took 3 games out of 3 sets but I was not lazy Benjamin!
I cooked chicken breast wrapped in pancetta with roasted tomatoes & broccoli for supper. The kids had pasta with theirs but I stuck with the chicken and vegetables. Then we had perfectly juicy mango (which I was loathed to share but was spotted taking it out of the fruit bowl - blast!).
I have just been to a party in the village hall, leaving the other half at home with "flu" - I drank soda water so have no guilts at all today. Got quite a few comments along the "have you been losing weight" lines, which was lovely. My two youngest daughters "took me in hand" to get me ready to go out - selecting my clothes, doing my hair and make up and generally bullying me along - I think they know more about applying make up than I do! There is a little note book on the home screen on my computer and one of them has left a message saying "My Mummy is beautiful x". God, I am lucky.
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow (later today!). Addiction.
Happy dieting
E xx
I short changed you yesterday. It was partly because I was absolutely shattered but partly as I could find no peace. My beloved was sitting next to me on the sofa, snivelling with a cold and eating whilst watching "Extreme Logging" or some equally irritatingly narrated programme - maybe Iceroad Truckers or Worlds Greatest Catch. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate at all.
Today has been pretty good and I have got most of what I set out to do, done. I am still without hot water (five days now) which is really annoying. The silt is building up around me and I just can't face cleaning by boiling kettles. I had yoghurt & muesli for breakfast whilst checking I still have a brain and doing yesterday's sudoku from the paper. I then went to work for a couple of hours. It has been a gloriously sunny, blue sky day which lifts your spirits (and dries the washing). I went to the farm to pick damsons and green beans and managed to snaffle some tomatoes on the vine while I was there. The sight of the damsons on the branches against the cloudless sky was just so perfect. I am going to make some jam and a good sized jar of damson gin. I am not going to make a pie with an irresistible sugary crust - sorry family, I can't risk it! The beans will blanch and go in the freezer.
When I got back, Ben"the relentless"Smith and Emily were lying in the sun on the front lawn. Haha, not doing anything. No excuses, you can put me through my paces at tennis. To give him credit, he didn't even try to get out of it. We played three sets in the sunshine and when I took the keys back, the guy suggested I see a doctor. I was a beetroot. Whatever my level of fitness, health, weight, it does not matter, I go bright red/purple with a white line around my hair line at the first sign of exertion. It is so embarrassing and stays with me for a couple of hours afterwards. However, contrary to the obvious evidence, Ben"bloody relentless"Smith said I was lazy today - lazy! I was absolutely knackered! At first, I thought he was goading me into being more aggressive but no, I think he really thought I was lazy. Christ, I was nearly knocking myself out with my own breasts, I was trying so hard. (If I am to take up this sport seriously, I am going to have to force myself to invest in a sports bra - I am in real danger of physical damage - wriggling puppies in a blanket as they were once described). I was useless and only took 3 games out of 3 sets but I was not lazy Benjamin!
I cooked chicken breast wrapped in pancetta with roasted tomatoes & broccoli for supper. The kids had pasta with theirs but I stuck with the chicken and vegetables. Then we had perfectly juicy mango (which I was loathed to share but was spotted taking it out of the fruit bowl - blast!).
I have just been to a party in the village hall, leaving the other half at home with "flu" - I drank soda water so have no guilts at all today. Got quite a few comments along the "have you been losing weight" lines, which was lovely. My two youngest daughters "took me in hand" to get me ready to go out - selecting my clothes, doing my hair and make up and generally bullying me along - I think they know more about applying make up than I do! There is a little note book on the home screen on my computer and one of them has left a message saying "My Mummy is beautiful x". God, I am lucky.
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow (later today!). Addiction.
Happy dieting
E xx
Friday 25 September 2009
One down, three to go!
14st 8lb. Good. That's a stone since I started six weeks ago. I am 25% of the way there.
A stone. 14lbs. 7 bags of sugar. 28 blocks of lard. 100 Mars Bars. I like lard best as it's so graphic - I imagine it being liposuctioned off my thighs and backside!
It may seem slow progress but if I can carry on at the same pace, it will mean achieving my target of 4 stone on 29th January 2010 - I can live with that! The most positive thing I can say though, is that even if it had only been 6lb, it would have been 6lb less than it would have been if I hadn't started at all (or even more, as I would probably have added another pound by now!). It really doesn't matter how long it takes, although it is frustrating if loss is steady.
For me, it is 22lb since the beginning of the year and, more importantly, it shows. I feel so much better.
I am setting myself a 4 stone target. I know I can do it as I have done it before (4 years ago). At that time, I never imagined getting any where near that. I remember catching sight of myself going out one night and doing a double take - I was amazed that the woman in the mirror was me. I want that feeling again. I will have it.
E xx
A stone. 14lbs. 7 bags of sugar. 28 blocks of lard. 100 Mars Bars. I like lard best as it's so graphic - I imagine it being liposuctioned off my thighs and backside!
It may seem slow progress but if I can carry on at the same pace, it will mean achieving my target of 4 stone on 29th January 2010 - I can live with that! The most positive thing I can say though, is that even if it had only been 6lb, it would have been 6lb less than it would have been if I hadn't started at all (or even more, as I would probably have added another pound by now!). It really doesn't matter how long it takes, although it is frustrating if loss is steady.
For me, it is 22lb since the beginning of the year and, more importantly, it shows. I feel so much better.
I am setting myself a 4 stone target. I know I can do it as I have done it before (4 years ago). At that time, I never imagined getting any where near that. I remember catching sight of myself going out one night and doing a double take - I was amazed that the woman in the mirror was me. I want that feeling again. I will have it.
E xx
Thursday 24 September 2009
Moody cow!
Today I have been smiling politely through gritted teeth for what seems like most of the day. We got off to a bad start as no body had any knickers - in my defense, I have had no water since Monday and am behind with the washing. I despatched a cross 12 year old to school in a pair of tight aged 10 pants, mumbling moodily that "if you ever put them in the laundry basket instead of leaving them to decorate the bedroom floor....etc, etc...." and I am wearing the aforementioned so-called control pants which are grossly uncomfortable, constrict and ooze - safer than commando on a windy day though.
I was looking forward to today. I was planning on ironing until 10am (achieved), then tennis club (only I turned up as it was drizzling and obviously no one else so desperate for exercise that they will play tennis in the rain); finish proof reading book (achieved); send it off to publishers (achieved); ring insurers about mending stone chip in windscreen (achieved); long walk with dog (rather short really but I did jog part of it - very small part when sure no one was around - thought lungs were going to explode); 3 loads of washing to dry at laundrette (achieved); parents evening for eldest (achieved, although hardly satisfactorily) and finally nephew's first birthday party without eating anything forbidden (ACHIEVED!!).
I have eaten 2 Weetabix with hot skimmed milk (need for warm food usually spells need for nurture, therefore sensitive mood on the horizon); smoked mackerel, tomato and piece of toast for lunch; two fresh figs; a packet of revolting Weight Watchers cheesy puffs before party (I was really hungry and sensed danger); a bowl of Ready Break with hot skimmed milk and muesli stirred in for supper (by the time I got in, I was knackered, hungry and everyone else had eaten - it was just easy).
So, I achieved more or less all I set out to do and have eaten well for my diet (although not exactly nutritionally) - so why have I been a moody cow all day? I am tired (always!), cross because the bloody boiler is still not working (no hot water since Monday), the house is a tip (but it often is), I need a new windscreen as the stone chip is too old and in the line of vision and is going to cost £60 which I will have to scrape together from somewhere...and I guess I just woke up that way.
Must remember, right side of bed tomorrow. Day for the scales - feeling positive. There are enough clean knickers in this house to fit up the whole village - tomorrow will be a better day!
E xx
I was looking forward to today. I was planning on ironing until 10am (achieved), then tennis club (only I turned up as it was drizzling and obviously no one else so desperate for exercise that they will play tennis in the rain); finish proof reading book (achieved); send it off to publishers (achieved); ring insurers about mending stone chip in windscreen (achieved); long walk with dog (rather short really but I did jog part of it - very small part when sure no one was around - thought lungs were going to explode); 3 loads of washing to dry at laundrette (achieved); parents evening for eldest (achieved, although hardly satisfactorily) and finally nephew's first birthday party without eating anything forbidden (ACHIEVED!!).
I have eaten 2 Weetabix with hot skimmed milk (need for warm food usually spells need for nurture, therefore sensitive mood on the horizon); smoked mackerel, tomato and piece of toast for lunch; two fresh figs; a packet of revolting Weight Watchers cheesy puffs before party (I was really hungry and sensed danger); a bowl of Ready Break with hot skimmed milk and muesli stirred in for supper (by the time I got in, I was knackered, hungry and everyone else had eaten - it was just easy).
So, I achieved more or less all I set out to do and have eaten well for my diet (although not exactly nutritionally) - so why have I been a moody cow all day? I am tired (always!), cross because the bloody boiler is still not working (no hot water since Monday), the house is a tip (but it often is), I need a new windscreen as the stone chip is too old and in the line of vision and is going to cost £60 which I will have to scrape together from somewhere...and I guess I just woke up that way.
Must remember, right side of bed tomorrow. Day for the scales - feeling positive. There are enough clean knickers in this house to fit up the whole village - tomorrow will be a better day!
E xx
Wednesday 23 September 2009
Not an angel!
It started well. Natural, low fat yoghurt with a teaspoon of honey and a sprinkle of muesli. Then I was baking (6 large cakes with icing) and my finger worked it's way from the mixing bowl to my mouth with rather more frequency than the diet demands. Then I got shunted off the road by a van which was being driven far too fast for little country road and, by the time I had exchanged details, I was going to be late for a funeral so I rushed in, grabbed 2 pieces of seedy bread and spread them with cream cheese and piccallili, got changed, rushed out and made it to the church just in time, but with indigestion. Did well at the tea as only had mineral water and a triangle of ham sandwich. When I got home I had to feed the girls in a hurry so made a pasta bake with tomatoes, sweetcorn and a bit of chorizo sausage that was left in the fridge and a sprinkling of cheese. Then, for no other reason than....1) the boiler still isn't fixed so a) the kitchen is in turmoil b)the sitting room is in turmoil as it's full of everything out of the kitchen c) there is no chance of any hot water, therefore no bath again 2) the funeral couldn't have been more beautiful but they are by nature, emotionally draining and 3) I just did.....I ate two chocolate digestives that were left in the packet I left out for the plumbers and a large piece of Emily's birthday cake - a particularly sickly, gorgeous confection of sponge, jam, butter icing with white fondant icing and loads of love hearts sweets. The latter of course, was actually eaten in about 10 small pieces with me kidding myself that I was only having a taster - 10 times!
Also, having bumped my car, I proceeded to eat all the painstakingly grown nails off my left hand - not calorific in any way but bloody annoying in every way! Now I can't decide whether to just go for it and thoroughly enjoy biting all the nails off my right hand or try re-growing the ones on my left. What a dilemma! I wonder if nail biting (which I have done automatically since I got teeth and really annoys me) is in any way connected with subconsciously transferring food to mouth, therefore, being over weight - we need a survey!
Anyway, the upshot of it is that I am disappointed in myself. Tomorrow I am playing tennis at 10am and then cleaning this filthy house (if I get hot water back on), proof reading and taking the dog on a route march walk. Thankfully, I'm not weighing myself until Friday so there's time to vindicate myself.
Sorry folks, but I'm only human!
E xx
Also, having bumped my car, I proceeded to eat all the painstakingly grown nails off my left hand - not calorific in any way but bloody annoying in every way! Now I can't decide whether to just go for it and thoroughly enjoy biting all the nails off my right hand or try re-growing the ones on my left. What a dilemma! I wonder if nail biting (which I have done automatically since I got teeth and really annoys me) is in any way connected with subconsciously transferring food to mouth, therefore, being over weight - we need a survey!
Anyway, the upshot of it is that I am disappointed in myself. Tomorrow I am playing tennis at 10am and then cleaning this filthy house (if I get hot water back on), proof reading and taking the dog on a route march walk. Thankfully, I'm not weighing myself until Friday so there's time to vindicate myself.
Sorry folks, but I'm only human!
E xx
Tuesday 22 September 2009
My baby is 18 today!
14st 9lb. Single figures - it did look good. I was really chuffed. Unfortunately feeling under the weather with stinking headache most of the day and I am whacked.
Felt inspired by the comment left after yesterday's blog (you might think I inspire you, but, I can assure you, it really cheers me along when I know someone appreciates my ramblings and leaves a comment - do feel free to suggest topics of conversation or interest) and ate the last grapefruit for breakfast. I was really hungry all morning at work but had a small ham salad for lunch and didn't pinch so much as a single chip out of the fryer. Tonight was a different story as I went out of dinner with my three gorgeous girls and Emily's boyfriend, Ben (of Relentless fame). I had a thai style clam dish as a starter. It was excellent and I left the delicious looking bread at the other end of the table, didn't eat so much as a crumb and ate with a fork not a spoon so left the creamy, spicy sauce in the bowl. Good start. I then had a fresh seared tuna salad with tomatoes, caramelised onions and parmesan. Superb. Then I whipped a chip off my daughter's plate (a huge, big, fat, hand cut, fluffy perfect chip), got a shaking head in disbelief from Ben (living up to his name) so halved it and dipped it in her pea puree (it was a posh place - they don't do mushies!). Then I had a filter coffee (I've given up Latte's) and unfortunately a hand made chocolate truffle (oh, come on...relent!). All in all, not bad I felt.
I had been contemplating during the day, bringing up the subject of daughter's birthday. Then, towards the end of the meal, sensitive middle daughter piped up with, "So Mum, what does it feel like to be so old that you've got an 18 year old daughter". What! I wasn't going to put it quite like that! However, she is barking up the right tree. It's not so much that I feel so old that I've got an 18 year old, it's whether I feel old enough. I have looked at her in wonderment from the day she was born. She was a beautiful baby (all big eyes and lots of black hair) and is a stunner now (not putting myself down for once, but she really is nothing like me!). She has always been intelligent, competent, fiercely independent and so messy that her room resembles a skip awaiting collection. But now she's legally an adult. She's setting out into unchartered waters without me. I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life and now we're discussing what she wants to do with hers!
I remember being 18 as if it were yesterday. I loved that age - you could test being grown up (and thought you knew everything) but you were easily forgiven for any mistakes because you were still young. I still regularly see two friends from my school days and, to me, we really are no different. We are all still totally identifiable on school photos (I'm 6 stone heavier but inside I'm still the same). I keep expecting someone (anyone?) to say, "Gosh, I can't believe you have a daughter of 18". But they never do. On the inside I feel too young but on the outside I'm 44 years old and of course perfectly old enough.
So, what does it feel like? To walk into a lovely restaurant with three lovely, healthy, confident girls? Like the proudest mother on earth. Like a happy, plumped up mother hen with the three fluffiest chicks in the farmyard! I can't give you material things, my lovely girls but I hope I give you the confidence that comes from knowing you are loved, cherished and admired.
Happy Birthday, eldest chick. You make me very happy.
E xx
Felt inspired by the comment left after yesterday's blog (you might think I inspire you, but, I can assure you, it really cheers me along when I know someone appreciates my ramblings and leaves a comment - do feel free to suggest topics of conversation or interest) and ate the last grapefruit for breakfast. I was really hungry all morning at work but had a small ham salad for lunch and didn't pinch so much as a single chip out of the fryer. Tonight was a different story as I went out of dinner with my three gorgeous girls and Emily's boyfriend, Ben (of Relentless fame). I had a thai style clam dish as a starter. It was excellent and I left the delicious looking bread at the other end of the table, didn't eat so much as a crumb and ate with a fork not a spoon so left the creamy, spicy sauce in the bowl. Good start. I then had a fresh seared tuna salad with tomatoes, caramelised onions and parmesan. Superb. Then I whipped a chip off my daughter's plate (a huge, big, fat, hand cut, fluffy perfect chip), got a shaking head in disbelief from Ben (living up to his name) so halved it and dipped it in her pea puree (it was a posh place - they don't do mushies!). Then I had a filter coffee (I've given up Latte's) and unfortunately a hand made chocolate truffle (oh, come on...relent!). All in all, not bad I felt.
I had been contemplating during the day, bringing up the subject of daughter's birthday. Then, towards the end of the meal, sensitive middle daughter piped up with, "So Mum, what does it feel like to be so old that you've got an 18 year old daughter". What! I wasn't going to put it quite like that! However, she is barking up the right tree. It's not so much that I feel so old that I've got an 18 year old, it's whether I feel old enough. I have looked at her in wonderment from the day she was born. She was a beautiful baby (all big eyes and lots of black hair) and is a stunner now (not putting myself down for once, but she really is nothing like me!). She has always been intelligent, competent, fiercely independent and so messy that her room resembles a skip awaiting collection. But now she's legally an adult. She's setting out into unchartered waters without me. I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life and now we're discussing what she wants to do with hers!
I remember being 18 as if it were yesterday. I loved that age - you could test being grown up (and thought you knew everything) but you were easily forgiven for any mistakes because you were still young. I still regularly see two friends from my school days and, to me, we really are no different. We are all still totally identifiable on school photos (I'm 6 stone heavier but inside I'm still the same). I keep expecting someone (anyone?) to say, "Gosh, I can't believe you have a daughter of 18". But they never do. On the inside I feel too young but on the outside I'm 44 years old and of course perfectly old enough.
So, what does it feel like? To walk into a lovely restaurant with three lovely, healthy, confident girls? Like the proudest mother on earth. Like a happy, plumped up mother hen with the three fluffiest chicks in the farmyard! I can't give you material things, my lovely girls but I hope I give you the confidence that comes from knowing you are loved, cherished and admired.
Happy Birthday, eldest chick. You make me very happy.
E xx
Monday 21 September 2009
Body shape
Not a weigh in day - this is the first time since I started this exercise that I will actually have lasted 3 days without hopping on the scales (and then off, on again, off, a little kick, on again - give up!) Tomorrow is the day for the scales and I am hopeful of another pound off - I have been enjoying my diet and being sensible. Today, I skipped the grapefruit and ended up with a piece of seedy toast (it had seeds in, not that it was a regular in strip joints) as I was late for work. For lunch I had a chopped up tomato with a boiled egg and for supper, again in a hurry, I had a slice of bread with cherry tomatoes, cucumber, prawns and peppered smoked mackerel. We shall see.
After yesterday's discussion (if it could be described as that) I thought I'd look up body shape on the internet. Apple, hourglass, skittle, vase, cornet, lollipop, column, bell, cornet, cello, pear, brick - the twelve different body shapes as defined by Trinny & Susannah. I remember their programmes and they always rattled on about underwear - I am inclined to agree. Even though I am a large peary cello I think, I look so much better without lumps and bumps - there are so many that I could have a new mountain range named after me! I was always a great fan of those tum and bum tights from a well known department store - but I do get fed up of spending a fiver on a pair of tights and then sticking my finger through them first time on in the effort to force them up and over the bulk. Once in place however, they do give a smooth line. Unlike control pants. I have succumbed and purchased them on a number of occasions offering various solutions. They are all in the drawer, having been worn once. The theory of course, is that they hold it all in and flatten bumps - in my experience, they just push it all elsewhere. The last ones I bought certainly slimmed my hips - but my thighs literally jumped out from the bottom of the pants with a 2" solid ledge at either side. I once saw a sketch in which I think Jennifer Saunders put on various "slimming garments" - each to slim out the one before - ending up with an enormous chin and cheeks. Every woman who has ever bought a pair, can relate to her. They always give me stomach ache too - it must be the crushed organs!
Anyway, according to Trinny & Susannah, the lollipop is "sex on a stick, the female equivalent of the ferrari". God forbid, you should be a brick! With a name like that, you're never going to feel like a siren are you?
Work tomorrow. Busy day. Eldest daughter's 18th birthday - going to a gorgeous restaurant for supper (lots of fish though so I could be good!)
E xx
After yesterday's discussion (if it could be described as that) I thought I'd look up body shape on the internet. Apple, hourglass, skittle, vase, cornet, lollipop, column, bell, cornet, cello, pear, brick - the twelve different body shapes as defined by Trinny & Susannah. I remember their programmes and they always rattled on about underwear - I am inclined to agree. Even though I am a large peary cello I think, I look so much better without lumps and bumps - there are so many that I could have a new mountain range named after me! I was always a great fan of those tum and bum tights from a well known department store - but I do get fed up of spending a fiver on a pair of tights and then sticking my finger through them first time on in the effort to force them up and over the bulk. Once in place however, they do give a smooth line. Unlike control pants. I have succumbed and purchased them on a number of occasions offering various solutions. They are all in the drawer, having been worn once. The theory of course, is that they hold it all in and flatten bumps - in my experience, they just push it all elsewhere. The last ones I bought certainly slimmed my hips - but my thighs literally jumped out from the bottom of the pants with a 2" solid ledge at either side. I once saw a sketch in which I think Jennifer Saunders put on various "slimming garments" - each to slim out the one before - ending up with an enormous chin and cheeks. Every woman who has ever bought a pair, can relate to her. They always give me stomach ache too - it must be the crushed organs!
Anyway, according to Trinny & Susannah, the lollipop is "sex on a stick, the female equivalent of the ferrari". God forbid, you should be a brick! With a name like that, you're never going to feel like a siren are you?
Work tomorrow. Busy day. Eldest daughter's 18th birthday - going to a gorgeous restaurant for supper (lots of fish though so I could be good!)
E xx
Sunday 20 September 2009
Not feeling serious
Sorry folks, I know it's Serious Subject Sunday but I think I jumped the gun and did the serious subject on Saturday - two doses of my lectures in two days may just be too much to handle.
It has been a fantastic day up here in Wensleydale.
I remember in the early days of our relationship, when my partner was still trying to woo me, I was away on business for five days at a food show. It was March and had rained and even snowed the whole time I was away. On my last morning, I woke to glorious sunshine, as did he back home. I was sitting having breakfast when my phone pipped to tell me I had a message - it read, "Wall ter wall sunshine here - must be coz yer comin home!"
I fell in love on the spot.
Anyway, today was a similar day - not a cloud in the sky and that lovely crisp air that heralds the arrival of the Autumn. I went to church, put the washing on the line, cooked a roast chicken lunch (and a dark chocolate mousse for pud which I didn't even taste!) and then we decided to drive over to Swaledale and look for suitable views for the cover photo for my book. It is my favourite Dale - all sweeping, lonely, heather clad moors on top of a patchwork of dry stone walled pastures and nestling villages.
The love of the man is never in doubt but the romancing is questionable.
He started well, having taken me down a short cut which involved bouncing over very rough tracks (references to free Slendertone) and opening gates. As I opened the first, I had to lean over to uncatch the hook. "Bye, that's a fine sight!" he shouts out of the window. Not bad so far.
Next, he wants to show me a barn that's for sale, right up on a hill side, with no access, no water and no electricity. Stunning views and it does have a chimney as was once, a very long time ago, a house. It is tiny and a) I would feel like the old woman that lived in a shoe (where would I put the girls?) and b) by the time we could afford to do it up, even if planning permission was obtainable, I would look like the aforementioned old woman! I am fantasising about keeping hens, pigs, having a veggie patch, reading, writing....I'm already there. He interrupts my tranquil, happy thoughts and we have the following conversation (we are very deep and meaningful in our house!):
"It was built for you, this house".
"Why?" I respond.
"It's called Pear House - you're a classic pear."
"I'm not a pear!"
"You look like a pear to me - well, a pear with boobs."
"That makes me an hour glass, thank you very much!"
"Don't get me started on that again!" (ref. Day 7, End of week 1)
So, I'm a pear with boobs. Is this a compliment? He certainly seemed to think so. He is worrying that most of my weight is going from my ample bosom - in fact, I think he's worrying that it's going at all. He made the rash promise at the beginning of the year, when I was a very sturdy, safe 16st 2lb, that he would "marry me when he could carry me."
I'm sure he seems to be walking with a bit of a stoop and making increasingly frequent references to his bad back.......
He's the best.
E xx
PS Ref Advoco's comment - yes, up to date photos would be a good idea. Even the thought of having to pose in a leotard is enough to send me for the nearest cream cake - there is only so much public humiliation one woman can take!
It has been a fantastic day up here in Wensleydale.
I remember in the early days of our relationship, when my partner was still trying to woo me, I was away on business for five days at a food show. It was March and had rained and even snowed the whole time I was away. On my last morning, I woke to glorious sunshine, as did he back home. I was sitting having breakfast when my phone pipped to tell me I had a message - it read, "Wall ter wall sunshine here - must be coz yer comin home!"
I fell in love on the spot.
Anyway, today was a similar day - not a cloud in the sky and that lovely crisp air that heralds the arrival of the Autumn. I went to church, put the washing on the line, cooked a roast chicken lunch (and a dark chocolate mousse for pud which I didn't even taste!) and then we decided to drive over to Swaledale and look for suitable views for the cover photo for my book. It is my favourite Dale - all sweeping, lonely, heather clad moors on top of a patchwork of dry stone walled pastures and nestling villages.
The love of the man is never in doubt but the romancing is questionable.
He started well, having taken me down a short cut which involved bouncing over very rough tracks (references to free Slendertone) and opening gates. As I opened the first, I had to lean over to uncatch the hook. "Bye, that's a fine sight!" he shouts out of the window. Not bad so far.
Next, he wants to show me a barn that's for sale, right up on a hill side, with no access, no water and no electricity. Stunning views and it does have a chimney as was once, a very long time ago, a house. It is tiny and a) I would feel like the old woman that lived in a shoe (where would I put the girls?) and b) by the time we could afford to do it up, even if planning permission was obtainable, I would look like the aforementioned old woman! I am fantasising about keeping hens, pigs, having a veggie patch, reading, writing....I'm already there. He interrupts my tranquil, happy thoughts and we have the following conversation (we are very deep and meaningful in our house!):
"It was built for you, this house".
"Why?" I respond.
"It's called Pear House - you're a classic pear."
"I'm not a pear!"
"You look like a pear to me - well, a pear with boobs."
"That makes me an hour glass, thank you very much!"
"Don't get me started on that again!" (ref. Day 7, End of week 1)
So, I'm a pear with boobs. Is this a compliment? He certainly seemed to think so. He is worrying that most of my weight is going from my ample bosom - in fact, I think he's worrying that it's going at all. He made the rash promise at the beginning of the year, when I was a very sturdy, safe 16st 2lb, that he would "marry me when he could carry me."
I'm sure he seems to be walking with a bit of a stoop and making increasingly frequent references to his bad back.......
He's the best.
E xx
PS Ref Advoco's comment - yes, up to date photos would be a good idea. Even the thought of having to pose in a leotard is enough to send me for the nearest cream cake - there is only so much public humiliation one woman can take!
Saturday 19 September 2009
Put it all in perspective
14st 10lb. Good news and I am very happy - 12lbs off now which is great and I know I am going to carry on and live a healthier life. After the grapefruit got me off to such a flying start yesterday, I decided to carry on and have a meat free, veggie-packed day. For lunch I had a boiled egg and some yoghurt, then for supper a very little baked potato with ratatouille & red cabbage. I didn't get round to playing tennis but have managed a couple of sets today. Since the grapefruit was still in the fridge, I decided to let it work its magic today as well - I have enough for tomorrow and then time will tell as to whether or not I ever peel another one. If it continues to have such positive effect, I may be tempted to train my taste buds.
Two things happened today which made me reflective (and sorry, it's not even Serious Subject Sunday!). Firstly, I went in to work, not to do any as such, just to use the kitchen as it is so much bigger for preparation than my own (if ever I make my millions, I want a kitchen like my friend Bev's - the centre island, complete with Aga, is bigger than my whole kitchen). I needed some veg from the wholesale greengrocers on the industrial estate and when coming out I noticed that my old business unit has become Kudu Bikes more or less overnight (great young entrepreneurial couple run it - well worth a look for anything from kid's first bike to real, top of the range mountain bikes - not that I'm a regular except for the girls' birthdays! http://www.kudubikes.co.uk/). They started up in a little unit next door to mine at approximately the same time and have steadily expanded. I am really pleased for them but it did bring back some difficult memories of the time I went bust. Every day, you read in the papers about the number of businesses going into administration and my heart aches for them - the feeling of utter misery and dejection is so debilitating. Losing everything you have ever worked for is devastating but, on a more positive note, you must get over it and realise that, although life may be totally different, it is still life and can still be so fulfilling.
The other thing follows on from the above. Today is the "Grand Auction" for the "Running for Helen" campaign, raising money for Marie Curie and I was pleased to be asked to help with supplying some of the food and helping with the preparations. Helen is a 42 year old mother and an inspiration to us all. She has terminal cancer which she has been "fighting" for over 5 years now. She has survived well past her initial prognosis and continues, with her husband, Gary, to fund raise tirelessly and put cancer care into the public consciousness. Gary is running the New York Marathon in October with 16 colleagues and friends and they are hoping to raise £500K for Marie Curie. Cancer is a cruel, indiscriminate disease that affects us all, as I have mentioned before - when my lovely sister died of it at the age of 21, on the cusp of what I am certain would have been a full life, I promised not to get to 70 and look back with regret at things I had or had not done. Seeing Helen today, so full of enthusiasm for the coming event, made me wonder if I have been fulfilling my promise lately. I felt truly humbled.
We are so fortunate to have the opportunity and freedom to take control of something that is affecting our health. I hope that tonight's event is a sell out success and that Helen and Gary feel the pride and sense of fulfilment that they deserve. (www.justgiving.com/running-for-Helen)
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow!
E xx
Two things happened today which made me reflective (and sorry, it's not even Serious Subject Sunday!). Firstly, I went in to work, not to do any as such, just to use the kitchen as it is so much bigger for preparation than my own (if ever I make my millions, I want a kitchen like my friend Bev's - the centre island, complete with Aga, is bigger than my whole kitchen). I needed some veg from the wholesale greengrocers on the industrial estate and when coming out I noticed that my old business unit has become Kudu Bikes more or less overnight (great young entrepreneurial couple run it - well worth a look for anything from kid's first bike to real, top of the range mountain bikes - not that I'm a regular except for the girls' birthdays! http://www.kudubikes.co.uk/). They started up in a little unit next door to mine at approximately the same time and have steadily expanded. I am really pleased for them but it did bring back some difficult memories of the time I went bust. Every day, you read in the papers about the number of businesses going into administration and my heart aches for them - the feeling of utter misery and dejection is so debilitating. Losing everything you have ever worked for is devastating but, on a more positive note, you must get over it and realise that, although life may be totally different, it is still life and can still be so fulfilling.
The other thing follows on from the above. Today is the "Grand Auction" for the "Running for Helen" campaign, raising money for Marie Curie and I was pleased to be asked to help with supplying some of the food and helping with the preparations. Helen is a 42 year old mother and an inspiration to us all. She has terminal cancer which she has been "fighting" for over 5 years now. She has survived well past her initial prognosis and continues, with her husband, Gary, to fund raise tirelessly and put cancer care into the public consciousness. Gary is running the New York Marathon in October with 16 colleagues and friends and they are hoping to raise £500K for Marie Curie. Cancer is a cruel, indiscriminate disease that affects us all, as I have mentioned before - when my lovely sister died of it at the age of 21, on the cusp of what I am certain would have been a full life, I promised not to get to 70 and look back with regret at things I had or had not done. Seeing Helen today, so full of enthusiasm for the coming event, made me wonder if I have been fulfilling my promise lately. I felt truly humbled.
We are so fortunate to have the opportunity and freedom to take control of something that is affecting our health. I hope that tonight's event is a sell out success and that Helen and Gary feel the pride and sense of fulfilment that they deserve. (www.justgiving.com/running-for-Helen)
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow!
E xx
Friday 18 September 2009
Shrink in horror!
14st 12lb. Well this one could be debated as the scales said 14st 11lb first and then 14st 12 twice afterwards - I decided to go with the best of three and save any definite loss for another day. My middle daughter was with me and couldn't believe my restraint. I think one of the morals of the story is to invest in some scales that weigh accurately and won't vary everytime you stand on them.
On a positive note, my lovely photographers said yesterday that I was definitely looking slimmer and healthier than two weeks ago - result! In answer to your comments, don't worry Jen, no intention of falling off the wagon. Shame on you Advoco for suggesting Bacardi Breezers and pork scratchings - it would have to be Bailey's and chocolate brownies! Liked your article on ehow - sensible advice, thanks.
I have done something very unusual. I have voluntarily eaten grapefruit for breakfast. To say this is a rarity is an understatement. I see grapefruit on the shelves and it screams "you are on a diet, podge, eat me!". I ignore it. I hate them. Who wants to eat a fruit that makes you purse your mouth like a dog's bottom - I'm not a pretty sight at the best of times at the breakfast table. I have visions of my father, who professes to love grapefruit, standing in the kitchen, looking as if he is swallowing a wasp. No, for me it's the comfort of warm Weetabix, porridge or natural yoghurt with muesli. I love breakfast and couldn't skip it (unless I'm very wired and need to be off to work) - I was born at 7.30am, just in time for breakfast, and I think it's had a profound influence on my eating habits. I would be the perfect advert for the "Kelloggs Challenge" where two meals a day are cereal - if I didn't eat my normal excess of food as well.
Well, yesterday I had to make a citrus salad for a photograph for the cook book - it was a combination of white and pink grapefruit, oranges and fresh mint. It looked gorgeous all juicy and inviting in the morning sun - "get up and zing with a citrus salad" (I don't actually say that).
Anyway, it seemed a shame to waste all that preparation so I decided to be virtuous (and I was feeling a little stodgy after yesterday's little pickings) and have some for breakfast. As it took the inner lining off my mouth, I swallowed it and....my stomach is instantly flatter and I've lost 10inches off my waist. It's the shock of the sour - everything shrinks in horror. It's great! I'm going to retrain my taste buds to have this experience at least 3 times a week! I will be skinny in no time. And I'm going to play tennis today - oh the virtue, the halo is gleaming, I am light as air!
Look out tomorrow as I am sure this is going to be the day when the scales finally realise they have been ignoring my efforts (then I'm going back to twice a week weigh in again).
Happy days! xx
On a positive note, my lovely photographers said yesterday that I was definitely looking slimmer and healthier than two weeks ago - result! In answer to your comments, don't worry Jen, no intention of falling off the wagon. Shame on you Advoco for suggesting Bacardi Breezers and pork scratchings - it would have to be Bailey's and chocolate brownies! Liked your article on ehow - sensible advice, thanks.
I have done something very unusual. I have voluntarily eaten grapefruit for breakfast. To say this is a rarity is an understatement. I see grapefruit on the shelves and it screams "you are on a diet, podge, eat me!". I ignore it. I hate them. Who wants to eat a fruit that makes you purse your mouth like a dog's bottom - I'm not a pretty sight at the best of times at the breakfast table. I have visions of my father, who professes to love grapefruit, standing in the kitchen, looking as if he is swallowing a wasp. No, for me it's the comfort of warm Weetabix, porridge or natural yoghurt with muesli. I love breakfast and couldn't skip it (unless I'm very wired and need to be off to work) - I was born at 7.30am, just in time for breakfast, and I think it's had a profound influence on my eating habits. I would be the perfect advert for the "Kelloggs Challenge" where two meals a day are cereal - if I didn't eat my normal excess of food as well.
Well, yesterday I had to make a citrus salad for a photograph for the cook book - it was a combination of white and pink grapefruit, oranges and fresh mint. It looked gorgeous all juicy and inviting in the morning sun - "get up and zing with a citrus salad" (I don't actually say that).
Anyway, it seemed a shame to waste all that preparation so I decided to be virtuous (and I was feeling a little stodgy after yesterday's little pickings) and have some for breakfast. As it took the inner lining off my mouth, I swallowed it and....my stomach is instantly flatter and I've lost 10inches off my waist. It's the shock of the sour - everything shrinks in horror. It's great! I'm going to retrain my taste buds to have this experience at least 3 times a week! I will be skinny in no time. And I'm going to play tennis today - oh the virtue, the halo is gleaming, I am light as air!
Look out tomorrow as I am sure this is going to be the day when the scales finally realise they have been ignoring my efforts (then I'm going back to twice a week weigh in again).
Happy days! xx
Thursday 17 September 2009
That's better!
14st 12lb. I know, I said I wouldn't weigh myself daily but I was so livid yesterday that I decided to go for it this morning - glad I did as I am now back where I was last weekend (which is irritating but rather better than yesterday!).
I was telling my mother about my problem with the scales. She is in Cornwall at the moment looking after my Granny. I would say that a lot of my insecurities with my size stem from my Mum. She is, in my opinion, a very attractive, incredibly capable woman with a wicked sense of humour. However, she was born a 10lb baby and carried on as a relatively big child (although not really by today's standards) and she was always a statuesque woman. Her mother on the other hand, was a very pretty, petite woman whom men adored (none more so than my Grandpa) and Mum has major issues of disappointment and inadequacy with regards to my Granny. She has lost and regained 5 stone on at least 3 occasions and I have never known her have any self confidence where her looks are concerned - she excels even more than me at the art of self deprecation and always rejects compliments.
Anyway, she is currently on a very determined diet and, like myself, she plans to stay healthier for the rest of her life (we both have a fear of ending our days on top of 6 sweating, puce men saying "one, two, three, brace yourselves boys, she was a big lass!"). She has lost loads of weight and is so much more fit as a result. Yesterday she was in Boots and decided to take the plunge and get weighed. She put her money in the slot and stepped on. The machine immediately said in a fairly loud voice (in a fairly small store), "stand with your feet straight and pointing forward". She was so alarmed and filled with fear that the machine was about to announce her weight to the entire shop so she bent forward to squint at the instructions. The machine chose that moment to take her height (she didn't realise it did) and then her weight. She said she had never experienced such relief as when the machine quietly dispensed a little piece of paper and her dignity was intact. When she read the verdict it said she was an obese 5ft 4ins - she's actually 5ft 7ins (used to be 5ft 9 but she's shrinking) and was filled with indignation. I did laugh!
As for me, busy day with loads of cooking of far too tempting delicious food - I have eaten yoghurt & muesli for breakfast; watercress soup with a bit of homemade bread for lunch; ratatouille, spiced red cabbage & a bit of dauphinoise potatoes for supper - and far too many walnuts, morsels of brownie conveniently stuck to the parchment paper, tea loaf (did feel guilty and threw some to the ducks - we were photographing at Lake Semerwater). All in all, not a great day as I am sure I have nibbled more morsels than I would like to admit to. Feeling a little bloated.
Will be better tomorrow. Promise.
E xx
I was telling my mother about my problem with the scales. She is in Cornwall at the moment looking after my Granny. I would say that a lot of my insecurities with my size stem from my Mum. She is, in my opinion, a very attractive, incredibly capable woman with a wicked sense of humour. However, she was born a 10lb baby and carried on as a relatively big child (although not really by today's standards) and she was always a statuesque woman. Her mother on the other hand, was a very pretty, petite woman whom men adored (none more so than my Grandpa) and Mum has major issues of disappointment and inadequacy with regards to my Granny. She has lost and regained 5 stone on at least 3 occasions and I have never known her have any self confidence where her looks are concerned - she excels even more than me at the art of self deprecation and always rejects compliments.
Anyway, she is currently on a very determined diet and, like myself, she plans to stay healthier for the rest of her life (we both have a fear of ending our days on top of 6 sweating, puce men saying "one, two, three, brace yourselves boys, she was a big lass!"). She has lost loads of weight and is so much more fit as a result. Yesterday she was in Boots and decided to take the plunge and get weighed. She put her money in the slot and stepped on. The machine immediately said in a fairly loud voice (in a fairly small store), "stand with your feet straight and pointing forward". She was so alarmed and filled with fear that the machine was about to announce her weight to the entire shop so she bent forward to squint at the instructions. The machine chose that moment to take her height (she didn't realise it did) and then her weight. She said she had never experienced such relief as when the machine quietly dispensed a little piece of paper and her dignity was intact. When she read the verdict it said she was an obese 5ft 4ins - she's actually 5ft 7ins (used to be 5ft 9 but she's shrinking) and was filled with indignation. I did laugh!
As for me, busy day with loads of cooking of far too tempting delicious food - I have eaten yoghurt & muesli for breakfast; watercress soup with a bit of homemade bread for lunch; ratatouille, spiced red cabbage & a bit of dauphinoise potatoes for supper - and far too many walnuts, morsels of brownie conveniently stuck to the parchment paper, tea loaf (did feel guilty and threw some to the ducks - we were photographing at Lake Semerwater). All in all, not a great day as I am sure I have nibbled more morsels than I would like to admit to. Feeling a little bloated.
Will be better tomorrow. Promise.
E xx
Wednesday 16 September 2009
Right, that's it!
15st 0lb. In the words of Victor Meldrew, "I don't believe it!"
I hobbled down the stairs this morning (wincing from the pain of my aching muscles) singing, "you are about to be very happy" and then STOOD ON THE SCALES!!!! 2lb ON. WHAT THE HELL???? I nudged the scales round the room 4 times and once managed to get it to 14st 12lb but I was nearly falling over through leaning back and decided it didn't count. I was going to have to admit it to you all and accept my fury. I am now back where I was on the 1st of September - 2 weeks ago. It is incomprehensible. I even said a prayer before I got on the scales - in fact, I am beginning to wonder if it is Him getting his own back and letting me know that He is not in fact running a weight loss club, He is there for much greater, more important matters. Let us not be in any doubt, God, THIS MATTERS!!!!!
I shall recount the last two days to you and see if you think any of this is right. On Monday morning the alarm went off at 4.30am and I was at work by 5am, having not had any breakfast (I am always on my nerves at the start of these days as so much depends upon them going well and it is ultimately my responsibility to ensure that they do). I made 10 dozen scones, lit the fire, put out some tables and chairs and got started on breakfast prepping. By 7am, I could grab a cup of tea and by 7.30am breakfast was in full swing. During the course of the day, I grabbed glasses of water to keep me hydrated and didn't look up from the counter for the next 7 hours. At 3pm I took a quick break to go to the bank, taking a beef & horseradish roll with me. When I finally got home at 11pm having been on my feet and cooking all day, I ate two Weetabixes with hot skimmed milk and a sprinkle of sugar. I went to bed and slept like a baby (albeit, a baby with very sore feet and aching legs) until 4.30am on Tuesday, when the day repeated itself although I had an egg & cress roll instead of beef. Exciting. Now, during the course of the day, I will have eaten little morsels of food which, if stuck together may add up to one piece of cake or scone but absolutely no more. I even took a fork of cheesecake at one point and threw it in the bin as the little angel on my shoulder screeched that it was a waste of calories.
So, 2 days, four Weetabixes, two filled rolls and a slice of cheesecake equivalent. AND A 2LB GAIN IN WEIGHT. Where is the justice in that? Now before you go saying, "she's not eating enought to burn fat, her body is in starvation mode", that is rubbish. There is nothing starving or anything else about this body. The deprived people in the aid camps of Africa are starving. My partner, bless him, suggested that the scales are wrong. I pointed out that if he or one of the children stepped on them, it wouldn't say they were 15 stone. They are not the best scales in the world but they are in the region of the right weight. Also, don't go saying that I must have sub consciously pinched alot more than one piece of cheesecake - no I did not! Not one single chips out of over 100 large bags, passed my lips I can assure you.
The only good thing is that I feel slimmer. I look better (although knackered today) and my skin is a better tone. My jeans can now be removed without undoing them (not a party trick for the general public) and generally my clothes are more comfortable.
I am fully expecting that any day now, the scales are going to suddenly show a great big loss and, if they could speak, they would say, "I am so sorry, Podge, I've been forgetting to deduct your weight for weeks now, you are actually only 14st 3lbs. I hope I haven't put you off your stroke!" What do you think are the chances?
Anyway, my first inclination this morning was "Right, that really is it, I've had enough". That's it. What is? What am I going to do? Start eating too much of a good (and bad) thing again and put back the little progress I have made?
No, I decided to have a Weetabix and a cup of tea, go back to bed, put the electric blanket on and sort out some work stuff on the computer.
Tomorrow will come. It will come off when it's ready.
E xx
I hobbled down the stairs this morning (wincing from the pain of my aching muscles) singing, "you are about to be very happy" and then STOOD ON THE SCALES!!!! 2lb ON. WHAT THE HELL???? I nudged the scales round the room 4 times and once managed to get it to 14st 12lb but I was nearly falling over through leaning back and decided it didn't count. I was going to have to admit it to you all and accept my fury. I am now back where I was on the 1st of September - 2 weeks ago. It is incomprehensible. I even said a prayer before I got on the scales - in fact, I am beginning to wonder if it is Him getting his own back and letting me know that He is not in fact running a weight loss club, He is there for much greater, more important matters. Let us not be in any doubt, God, THIS MATTERS!!!!!
I shall recount the last two days to you and see if you think any of this is right. On Monday morning the alarm went off at 4.30am and I was at work by 5am, having not had any breakfast (I am always on my nerves at the start of these days as so much depends upon them going well and it is ultimately my responsibility to ensure that they do). I made 10 dozen scones, lit the fire, put out some tables and chairs and got started on breakfast prepping. By 7am, I could grab a cup of tea and by 7.30am breakfast was in full swing. During the course of the day, I grabbed glasses of water to keep me hydrated and didn't look up from the counter for the next 7 hours. At 3pm I took a quick break to go to the bank, taking a beef & horseradish roll with me. When I finally got home at 11pm having been on my feet and cooking all day, I ate two Weetabixes with hot skimmed milk and a sprinkle of sugar. I went to bed and slept like a baby (albeit, a baby with very sore feet and aching legs) until 4.30am on Tuesday, when the day repeated itself although I had an egg & cress roll instead of beef. Exciting. Now, during the course of the day, I will have eaten little morsels of food which, if stuck together may add up to one piece of cake or scone but absolutely no more. I even took a fork of cheesecake at one point and threw it in the bin as the little angel on my shoulder screeched that it was a waste of calories.
So, 2 days, four Weetabixes, two filled rolls and a slice of cheesecake equivalent. AND A 2LB GAIN IN WEIGHT. Where is the justice in that? Now before you go saying, "she's not eating enought to burn fat, her body is in starvation mode", that is rubbish. There is nothing starving or anything else about this body. The deprived people in the aid camps of Africa are starving. My partner, bless him, suggested that the scales are wrong. I pointed out that if he or one of the children stepped on them, it wouldn't say they were 15 stone. They are not the best scales in the world but they are in the region of the right weight. Also, don't go saying that I must have sub consciously pinched alot more than one piece of cheesecake - no I did not! Not one single chips out of over 100 large bags, passed my lips I can assure you.
The only good thing is that I feel slimmer. I look better (although knackered today) and my skin is a better tone. My jeans can now be removed without undoing them (not a party trick for the general public) and generally my clothes are more comfortable.
I am fully expecting that any day now, the scales are going to suddenly show a great big loss and, if they could speak, they would say, "I am so sorry, Podge, I've been forgetting to deduct your weight for weeks now, you are actually only 14st 3lbs. I hope I haven't put you off your stroke!" What do you think are the chances?
Anyway, my first inclination this morning was "Right, that really is it, I've had enough". That's it. What is? What am I going to do? Start eating too much of a good (and bad) thing again and put back the little progress I have made?
No, I decided to have a Weetabix and a cup of tea, go back to bed, put the electric blanket on and sort out some work stuff on the computer.
Tomorrow will come. It will come off when it's ready.
E xx
Sunday 13 September 2009
Do we ruin relationships with low self esteem?
I am lying in bed with the laptop at the end of a very busy day. I have a little packet of chocolate buttons that I remembered were under the bed after I pinched one of the childrens' Easter eggs - the actual egg is long gone but the little packet (15 delicious buttons) were unopened and begging not to be forgotten any longer. I am eating them very slowly by melting each one individually on my tongue so that they last - and I don't feel at all guilty because I've earned them. An apple will not do the trick on this occasion.
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday and I have been mulling this one over all week. I am divorced (twice actually but the first one was when I was still fairly slim and had relatively normal self esteem) and do feel, looking back, that my lack of self esteem certainly didn't help my second marriage. When we met I was about 11 stone and, by the time we separated about 8 years later, I was nearer 16 stone. It crept on with both of the children but ballooned, as I have said before, when we bought the shop.
In my experience, as weight creeps up, confidence dips (then nose dives) and slowly but surely, you are making excuses for not going for a walk/swimming/tennis and, more damagingly, you start to make excuses not to go out at night - it is so much easier to stay in watching the television (snacking) than it is to admit that you have nothing to wear or that nothing fits you anymore. Before you know where you are, you are doing less and less as a couple, which is a slippery slope.
My ex husband was always very positive about my appearance and figure - it was me that sneered at myself and put myself down. If he, or anyone for that matter, said I looked nice, I would make some self deprecating, cutting remark back - it must be quite soul destroying to have such negative responses all the time. Eventually I suppose they just stop bothering. I remember flying off the handle at my ex one night when I had said that I was starting yet another diet and this time it was really going to work and that I would appreciate his support. Probably the same evening, after a stressful, tiring day, I did my usual "Oh sod it" and got a slice of pudding from the shop (we lived above it). He carefully pointed out that what was the point of saying I was going on a diet if I was going to eat pudding. I was furious, tearful and hurt - all directed at him but really it was at myself.
The louder the anger, the closer the nerve they have hit.
Now don't get me wrong. I have friends whose partners are very judgemental when it comes to their size (I often think they should try a little look in the mirror to discover they aren't quite the young Adonis they once were either) and it infuriates me. If you are overweight, you do quite enough self flagellation without anyone else putting in their two penny's worth!
I just think that if you gain a few pounds, don't try squeezing into clothes that no longer fit but buy something in which you look as good as you can do and enjoy it becoming too big as you get back into your old clothes. Continue to go out and make an effort. You can't diet for anyone but yourself and, if you are not "in the zone" no amount of deprecation is going to kick start you but, it is no-one elses fault either so try not to take your own frustrations out on them.
Just a little note from my own experience. If it's a load of rubbish, just ignore it.
I am signing out for two days I'm afraid as I have two huge (18hours each) days at work tomorrow and Tuesday. I'll be back on Wednesday, hopefully with a bit more off the block.
E xx
PS Bev, you looked as lovely as ever on Thursday so concentrate on getting the back better and don't worry about the rest
PPS Friend of Bev's who loves the blog - thank you for your kind comments - unfortunately I pressed "delete" instead of "publish" - I was very grateful honestly!
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday and I have been mulling this one over all week. I am divorced (twice actually but the first one was when I was still fairly slim and had relatively normal self esteem) and do feel, looking back, that my lack of self esteem certainly didn't help my second marriage. When we met I was about 11 stone and, by the time we separated about 8 years later, I was nearer 16 stone. It crept on with both of the children but ballooned, as I have said before, when we bought the shop.
In my experience, as weight creeps up, confidence dips (then nose dives) and slowly but surely, you are making excuses for not going for a walk/swimming/tennis and, more damagingly, you start to make excuses not to go out at night - it is so much easier to stay in watching the television (snacking) than it is to admit that you have nothing to wear or that nothing fits you anymore. Before you know where you are, you are doing less and less as a couple, which is a slippery slope.
My ex husband was always very positive about my appearance and figure - it was me that sneered at myself and put myself down. If he, or anyone for that matter, said I looked nice, I would make some self deprecating, cutting remark back - it must be quite soul destroying to have such negative responses all the time. Eventually I suppose they just stop bothering. I remember flying off the handle at my ex one night when I had said that I was starting yet another diet and this time it was really going to work and that I would appreciate his support. Probably the same evening, after a stressful, tiring day, I did my usual "Oh sod it" and got a slice of pudding from the shop (we lived above it). He carefully pointed out that what was the point of saying I was going on a diet if I was going to eat pudding. I was furious, tearful and hurt - all directed at him but really it was at myself.
The louder the anger, the closer the nerve they have hit.
Now don't get me wrong. I have friends whose partners are very judgemental when it comes to their size (I often think they should try a little look in the mirror to discover they aren't quite the young Adonis they once were either) and it infuriates me. If you are overweight, you do quite enough self flagellation without anyone else putting in their two penny's worth!
I just think that if you gain a few pounds, don't try squeezing into clothes that no longer fit but buy something in which you look as good as you can do and enjoy it becoming too big as you get back into your old clothes. Continue to go out and make an effort. You can't diet for anyone but yourself and, if you are not "in the zone" no amount of deprecation is going to kick start you but, it is no-one elses fault either so try not to take your own frustrations out on them.
Just a little note from my own experience. If it's a load of rubbish, just ignore it.
I am signing out for two days I'm afraid as I have two huge (18hours each) days at work tomorrow and Tuesday. I'll be back on Wednesday, hopefully with a bit more off the block.
E xx
PS Bev, you looked as lovely as ever on Thursday so concentrate on getting the back better and don't worry about the rest
PPS Friend of Bev's who loves the blog - thank you for your kind comments - unfortunately I pressed "delete" instead of "publish" - I was very grateful honestly!
Saturday 12 September 2009
The lure of a sick bug
Had a great meal out last night but can't profess to have been particularly good in diet terms - not especially bad either though. As I said yesterday, it was a pre-ordered meal and I had selected grilled sardines - healthy and fiddly to eat - and then thai style chicken which I ate (not all of it, amazingly) which was very nice and best not to think about the calories. I resisted a pud - sat next to a woman who had Valrhona chocolate pannacotta with vanilla ice cream and tried very hard not to physically drool over her plate - God it looked good. I had a black coffee. I had had two very large glasses of chilled rose wine though, so the halo wasn't all together intact.
During the course of the evening gossip was rife (there were 14 women at the table) and, at one stage, conversation turned to a bloke in the next village who is looking really ill. It turns out that he has lost loads of weight in the past two weeks through an unusual sickness and diarrhoea bug he has contracted. My ears pricked up at the "lost loads of weight" bit and, instead of offering sympathy, I found myself thinking "Hum, where is this man? Will he do a spot of french kissing?" - purely for the purpose of a good couple of weeks with no need whatsoever for syrup of figs or sugar free sweets containing sorbitol (dreadful stomach ache but usually works). Then I realised that it just wasn't a good time to be so laid up as I am really busy at work - I experienced momentary disappointment. What is becoming of me?!!! The sad fact is, I wasn't the only one with similarly appalling brain function!
Back to reality today. Beautiful day warranting lovely walk later. Making parsnip and celeriac soup for tea, but skipping the accompanying cream. Washing blowing on the line. Children on a bike ride. The papers await. Um, life is good....
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow - "Do we ruin our relationships with low self esteem?" Comments welcome.
Happy dieting,
E xx
During the course of the evening gossip was rife (there were 14 women at the table) and, at one stage, conversation turned to a bloke in the next village who is looking really ill. It turns out that he has lost loads of weight in the past two weeks through an unusual sickness and diarrhoea bug he has contracted. My ears pricked up at the "lost loads of weight" bit and, instead of offering sympathy, I found myself thinking "Hum, where is this man? Will he do a spot of french kissing?" - purely for the purpose of a good couple of weeks with no need whatsoever for syrup of figs or sugar free sweets containing sorbitol (dreadful stomach ache but usually works). Then I realised that it just wasn't a good time to be so laid up as I am really busy at work - I experienced momentary disappointment. What is becoming of me?!!! The sad fact is, I wasn't the only one with similarly appalling brain function!
Back to reality today. Beautiful day warranting lovely walk later. Making parsnip and celeriac soup for tea, but skipping the accompanying cream. Washing blowing on the line. Children on a bike ride. The papers await. Um, life is good....
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow - "Do we ruin our relationships with low self esteem?" Comments welcome.
Happy dieting,
E xx
Friday 11 September 2009
Chipping off the block
14st 12lb. Four weeks in and 10lb off - not exactly speedy but good solid progress.
I have this vision of me made of stone and someone chipping little bits off me with a chisel - so far they have worked a little off stomach (definitely flatter) and legs (definitely less fat - can't go so far as to say slimmer). Now if you could just start work on the enormous, very obvious, easy-to-work-on bottom in the middle, I would be very grateful. And they are more than welcome to take three or four pounds this week!
I am feeling buzzy and happy today and I can nearly take my jeans off without undoing them - I have been so impressed by this loss of inches that I have been threatening to do it all round Hawes - perish the thought!
I am off out for dinner any minute now (pre-ordered sardines and thai style chicken) so will be off any sec. Partner will not be thrilled if I come in merry at midnight and waste the good humour on blogging!
Back tomorrow with longer discussion.
E xx
I have this vision of me made of stone and someone chipping little bits off me with a chisel - so far they have worked a little off stomach (definitely flatter) and legs (definitely less fat - can't go so far as to say slimmer). Now if you could just start work on the enormous, very obvious, easy-to-work-on bottom in the middle, I would be very grateful. And they are more than welcome to take three or four pounds this week!
I am feeling buzzy and happy today and I can nearly take my jeans off without undoing them - I have been so impressed by this loss of inches that I have been threatening to do it all round Hawes - perish the thought!
I am off out for dinner any minute now (pre-ordered sardines and thai style chicken) so will be off any sec. Partner will not be thrilled if I come in merry at midnight and waste the good humour on blogging!
Back tomorrow with longer discussion.
E xx
Thursday 10 September 2009
Exercise is the future!
Wot, no weight? Ha, ha, a day off (for getting on the scales, not being a very good girl!).
Well, I have a confession to make. Having avoided any form of sport at all costs, even as "skinny liz" when at school, I have discovered a passion for tennis. I have loved watching Wimbledon for many years, but watching is as far as it went. Admittedly, I have only played three times so far, but, I have a feeling this enthusiasm will stick. I went down to the tennis group this morning, on a gloriously sunny morning which has been incredibly rare this year, feeling full of the joys of spring (autumn?) but a little apprehensive that I was about to make a bit of a fool of myself. However, in for a penny, in for a pound and anyway, I've already gone so far down the road of self-humiliation, that a little further isn't going to harm. I need not have worried - they were very welcoming and I think that once I get over the habit of saying "whoops, sorry" everytime I make a mistake (frequently!), I will settle down and enjoy it. It really lifts your mood and I felt good all day.
I had book club at my house tonight. Due to the unseasonably delightful weather, I have been washing as if I run the neighbourhood laundry - never has the machine been in such constant demand. I am waiting for one load to dry on the line, just so I can put the next lot out. The downside of this is that I don't think there can be an item of clothing in a drawer in this house - there are piles of ruddy clothes everywhere, waiting to be put in drawers. I wonder if I am alone in having children who seem incapable of putting any of it away for me but always want the trousers/shirt etc off the bottom of the pile and get to them by tipping the rest of it over. I think they are sick of "I don't know why I bother" which is my daily refrain. However, I am feeling smug as everyone in this house is going to bed in clean, line-dried, ironed bedding tonight - is there a better smell? (bread fresh from the oven, cakes, roses, sweet peas....ok, there is, but it's right up there with the best!)
Trying to present a vaguely tidy front in a very small house with too many people in it is challenging, I can tell you. Providing food is never a problem for me but a tidy house is another matter - thankfully they are an accommodating lot. For food, I made homemade pizza and salad, followed by fresh fruit salad and yoghurt or cream. Pizza, I hear you cry! Yes but, if you make it yourself, you can control the amount of oil and salt going in and it need not be a bad treat at all (yes, I know it's bread but I haven't had any for ages). All in all, I've eaten too much pizza but otherwise not bad. Twice today I have been tempted to eat chocolate and twice, without too much arguing between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, I have resisted - result!
Friday tomorrow so I'll get on the scales. I do deserve a pound......
E xx
Well, I have a confession to make. Having avoided any form of sport at all costs, even as "skinny liz" when at school, I have discovered a passion for tennis. I have loved watching Wimbledon for many years, but watching is as far as it went. Admittedly, I have only played three times so far, but, I have a feeling this enthusiasm will stick. I went down to the tennis group this morning, on a gloriously sunny morning which has been incredibly rare this year, feeling full of the joys of spring (autumn?) but a little apprehensive that I was about to make a bit of a fool of myself. However, in for a penny, in for a pound and anyway, I've already gone so far down the road of self-humiliation, that a little further isn't going to harm. I need not have worried - they were very welcoming and I think that once I get over the habit of saying "whoops, sorry" everytime I make a mistake (frequently!), I will settle down and enjoy it. It really lifts your mood and I felt good all day.
I had book club at my house tonight. Due to the unseasonably delightful weather, I have been washing as if I run the neighbourhood laundry - never has the machine been in such constant demand. I am waiting for one load to dry on the line, just so I can put the next lot out. The downside of this is that I don't think there can be an item of clothing in a drawer in this house - there are piles of ruddy clothes everywhere, waiting to be put in drawers. I wonder if I am alone in having children who seem incapable of putting any of it away for me but always want the trousers/shirt etc off the bottom of the pile and get to them by tipping the rest of it over. I think they are sick of "I don't know why I bother" which is my daily refrain. However, I am feeling smug as everyone in this house is going to bed in clean, line-dried, ironed bedding tonight - is there a better smell? (bread fresh from the oven, cakes, roses, sweet peas....ok, there is, but it's right up there with the best!)
Trying to present a vaguely tidy front in a very small house with too many people in it is challenging, I can tell you. Providing food is never a problem for me but a tidy house is another matter - thankfully they are an accommodating lot. For food, I made homemade pizza and salad, followed by fresh fruit salad and yoghurt or cream. Pizza, I hear you cry! Yes but, if you make it yourself, you can control the amount of oil and salt going in and it need not be a bad treat at all (yes, I know it's bread but I haven't had any for ages). All in all, I've eaten too much pizza but otherwise not bad. Twice today I have been tempted to eat chocolate and twice, without too much arguing between the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, I have resisted - result!
Friday tomorrow so I'll get on the scales. I do deserve a pound......
E xx
Wednesday 9 September 2009
No need for details
14st 13lb. Suffice to say, measures to alleviate my little problem, worked. I am now a fan of occasional doses of syrup of figs!
I have been in a miserable mood today - one of those, where am I going with my life kind of days. My back and leg are not in good shape and I am fretting about how I am going to get through the 18 hour days that are the lamb sales. As I still have at least 15/20 years left of my working life (and with my lack of pension provisions, probably significantly longer than that), it is about time I addressed what I both want to do and am able to do with my skills and where I live. It is now over 2 years since my business went into administration and my circumstances changed out of all recognition, and perhaps the time has come to shake myself abit.
Anyway, another reason for being a bit down in the dumps, is that I am fed up of how slowly I am progressing with my weight loss. If I wasn't blogging, motivated and "in the zone" I would have lost hope and given up by now. I have thought about this alot today and have decided that half of the problem is the fact that I am weighing myself every day. This is not a good tactic and is just making the road seem a very long one. In reality of course, a 2lb per week is a healthy one but daily it just seems as if I am not moving down. So, I have decided that I will carry on blogging every day but, I will weigh myself on Fridays and Tuesdays and see how we go.
Well, you will be pleased to know that I have been shaken out of my malaise. Ben, who is no longer relentless and now just Smith, is back and took me down to play tennis. The positive endorphins have flooded into my body and I am on a high! I love this form of exercise and am going to concentrate on it, alongside my walking. Fifteen minutes of tennis has me red and sweating in a way that a good hour and a half walk doesn't achieve (I played for over an hour, but was sweating within 15 minutes!). I have even taken the plunge and enquired about the tennis club. It meets twice a week and I can go along tomorrow morning. Apparently there is mixed ability so I pray that isn't the difference between used-to-play-for-Yorkshire and used-to-play-at-Wimbledon. Hopefully there is someone who is not too bad but not too good either! I am pleased with myself for taking a positive step and facing possible embarrassment, rather than just whining or making excuses. The thing that surprises me most is that standing still or sitting down causes great discomfort in my lower back but, playing tennis doesn't affect it. Why is this? Any ideas?
So, see you tomorrow but not with a weight report!
Cheers
E xx
I have been in a miserable mood today - one of those, where am I going with my life kind of days. My back and leg are not in good shape and I am fretting about how I am going to get through the 18 hour days that are the lamb sales. As I still have at least 15/20 years left of my working life (and with my lack of pension provisions, probably significantly longer than that), it is about time I addressed what I both want to do and am able to do with my skills and where I live. It is now over 2 years since my business went into administration and my circumstances changed out of all recognition, and perhaps the time has come to shake myself abit.
Anyway, another reason for being a bit down in the dumps, is that I am fed up of how slowly I am progressing with my weight loss. If I wasn't blogging, motivated and "in the zone" I would have lost hope and given up by now. I have thought about this alot today and have decided that half of the problem is the fact that I am weighing myself every day. This is not a good tactic and is just making the road seem a very long one. In reality of course, a 2lb per week is a healthy one but daily it just seems as if I am not moving down. So, I have decided that I will carry on blogging every day but, I will weigh myself on Fridays and Tuesdays and see how we go.
Well, you will be pleased to know that I have been shaken out of my malaise. Ben, who is no longer relentless and now just Smith, is back and took me down to play tennis. The positive endorphins have flooded into my body and I am on a high! I love this form of exercise and am going to concentrate on it, alongside my walking. Fifteen minutes of tennis has me red and sweating in a way that a good hour and a half walk doesn't achieve (I played for over an hour, but was sweating within 15 minutes!). I have even taken the plunge and enquired about the tennis club. It meets twice a week and I can go along tomorrow morning. Apparently there is mixed ability so I pray that isn't the difference between used-to-play-for-Yorkshire and used-to-play-at-Wimbledon. Hopefully there is someone who is not too bad but not too good either! I am pleased with myself for taking a positive step and facing possible embarrassment, rather than just whining or making excuses. The thing that surprises me most is that standing still or sitting down causes great discomfort in my lower back but, playing tennis doesn't affect it. Why is this? Any ideas?
So, see you tomorrow but not with a weight report!
Cheers
E xx
Tuesday 8 September 2009
Time to get personal
14st 13lb. Again. I am trying so hard and do feel I could be losing a tiny bit faster. I am walking (even with a bad back and after a busy day at work), trying hard to drink water, eating sensibly (very), not cheating and can't remember the last time I had chocolate. More to the point, I don't even want any, which is amazing in it's own right! I think the most unjust thing about dieting, healthy eating, eating sensibly or whatever else you want to call it, is that you can be really good for a fortnight and lose 2/3lb, but I can guarantee that if I was really naughty for 2 days I would gain 2/3 lb minimum - where's the fairness in that?!
Anyway, I need to look at the issues here. Why is my weight loss so steady? Well, to get personal, I think it's constipation. If I sit doing Sudoku on our loo for any more protracted spells, I am sure I will either have a hernia, get piles or bring on a prolapse! I just don't understand it but I feel like a barrage balloon. I am eating veg and bran for fibre, avoiding bread (which is not as hard as I thought it would be) and I am drinking (I've resorted to red wine tonight). So, what's up? For lunch today, I had forgotten my soup, so ended up having a tablespoon of mushy peas with two tablespoons of baked beans. When I went on my quick march walk tonight, I barely needed to move my legs - I was propelled along like a hovercraft! I even had to do a longer circuit as I spied other people on my usual way back and I thought they would hear me. The upshot is that, in addition to beans and mushy peas, I have taken Syrup of Figs and a glass of red wine - if that doesn't "move" me, then I have no hope! Any other suggestions? (may I take this opportunity to say how much I love your comments - keep them coming!)
On a lighter note, I was listening to Radio 4's Today programme this morning and heard an interview with Arabella Weir and someone called Viv Groskop - I find Arabella Weir very funny and clever, but even she was fairly silenced by the incredibly arrogant, rude and misguided Viv. Arabella was talking about giving in to children and how her daughter has just gone to secondary school and had to have a purple protractor for maths, like all her friends. She was basically saying that she will give in on the little things but stand firm on the bigger issues. I am sure every parent in the country was shouting at the radio at Viv - surely every parent knows, never judge anyones parenting skills until you have gone passed that stage yourself. God I laughed and, uncharacteristically meanly, hope that Viv's little angel (aged 6) becomes a demanding, stroppy little sod!
Praying for movement!
E xx
Anyway, I need to look at the issues here. Why is my weight loss so steady? Well, to get personal, I think it's constipation. If I sit doing Sudoku on our loo for any more protracted spells, I am sure I will either have a hernia, get piles or bring on a prolapse! I just don't understand it but I feel like a barrage balloon. I am eating veg and bran for fibre, avoiding bread (which is not as hard as I thought it would be) and I am drinking (I've resorted to red wine tonight). So, what's up? For lunch today, I had forgotten my soup, so ended up having a tablespoon of mushy peas with two tablespoons of baked beans. When I went on my quick march walk tonight, I barely needed to move my legs - I was propelled along like a hovercraft! I even had to do a longer circuit as I spied other people on my usual way back and I thought they would hear me. The upshot is that, in addition to beans and mushy peas, I have taken Syrup of Figs and a glass of red wine - if that doesn't "move" me, then I have no hope! Any other suggestions? (may I take this opportunity to say how much I love your comments - keep them coming!)
On a lighter note, I was listening to Radio 4's Today programme this morning and heard an interview with Arabella Weir and someone called Viv Groskop - I find Arabella Weir very funny and clever, but even she was fairly silenced by the incredibly arrogant, rude and misguided Viv. Arabella was talking about giving in to children and how her daughter has just gone to secondary school and had to have a purple protractor for maths, like all her friends. She was basically saying that she will give in on the little things but stand firm on the bigger issues. I am sure every parent in the country was shouting at the radio at Viv - surely every parent knows, never judge anyones parenting skills until you have gone passed that stage yourself. God I laughed and, uncharacteristically meanly, hope that Viv's little angel (aged 6) becomes a demanding, stroppy little sod!
Praying for movement!
E xx
Monday 7 September 2009
I'm in the zone
14st 13lb. I'm absolutely knackered - a busy day at work getting prepared for the start of the autumn lamb sales. Lots to do in the next week but I'm trying to pace myself so that I can make time for exercise - good walks and maybe even a game of tennis if Ben"relentless"Smith comes back. It is unfamiliar for me to make "me time" although I am beginning to see it's validity. I have always had a little guilty feeling that I am being selfish if I'm off doing stuff for myself, even if it is exercise.
Tonight I went blackberry picking. Big and juicy, bursting with flavour and wonderful aroma. Fingers bright purple from the juice (and scratched from the thorns!). I have mixed them with some apples from my Dad's orchard and am going to freeze it in batches for a delicious treat (just without the lashings of thick double cream!). I have had a good, healthy day's food - yoghurt and muesli for breakfast, my scotch broth style soup for lunch and then poached salmon with spinach and lemony cous cous. No naughties. I have even managed two glasses of water - halo shining!
Today I saw a friend who said I am looking well. She added that she feels useless at the moment as, however great her intentions, she just can't stick at a diet. I can genuinely sympathise as I have been there so many times and am bound to hit the wall again sometime soon. When I succeeded in losing weight four years ago and then started to put it back on, I would chastise myself on a daily basis for my lack of self discipline and my resolve was pathetic. I was so frustrated. However, when I successfully dieted last time and am feeling the same way now, nothing would have stopped me - I was what I now call "in the zone" - not permanently side tracked by extraneous matters (usually forbidden food!). Something has to light the fuse and I think you just need to start seeing a difference to feel inspired or motivated to continue. The problem comes when the loss seems so slow you think you might as well give up and eat what you want as all the effort isn't showing results. If you are not "in the zone" and doing it for yourself with no deadlines, it is unlikely you will succeed.
This blogging is keeping me in the zone and I am very grateful!
E xx
Tonight I went blackberry picking. Big and juicy, bursting with flavour and wonderful aroma. Fingers bright purple from the juice (and scratched from the thorns!). I have mixed them with some apples from my Dad's orchard and am going to freeze it in batches for a delicious treat (just without the lashings of thick double cream!). I have had a good, healthy day's food - yoghurt and muesli for breakfast, my scotch broth style soup for lunch and then poached salmon with spinach and lemony cous cous. No naughties. I have even managed two glasses of water - halo shining!
Today I saw a friend who said I am looking well. She added that she feels useless at the moment as, however great her intentions, she just can't stick at a diet. I can genuinely sympathise as I have been there so many times and am bound to hit the wall again sometime soon. When I succeeded in losing weight four years ago and then started to put it back on, I would chastise myself on a daily basis for my lack of self discipline and my resolve was pathetic. I was so frustrated. However, when I successfully dieted last time and am feeling the same way now, nothing would have stopped me - I was what I now call "in the zone" - not permanently side tracked by extraneous matters (usually forbidden food!). Something has to light the fuse and I think you just need to start seeing a difference to feel inspired or motivated to continue. The problem comes when the loss seems so slow you think you might as well give up and eat what you want as all the effort isn't showing results. If you are not "in the zone" and doing it for yourself with no deadlines, it is unlikely you will succeed.
This blogging is keeping me in the zone and I am very grateful!
E xx
Sunday 6 September 2009
Serious Subject Sunday
14st 13lb. I didn't get punished for the Chelsea bun. Thank you God. I promise never to see the dreaded 15st ever again. I will continue on a positive note.
This morning, I got up early (why is it when you can have a lie in, you need a wee at an unearthly hour and can't get back to sleep?). Anyway, I decided to put an order into a well known supermarket but couldn't remember my password (it is over 5 years since I last shopped on line) so I had to wait for them to email it to me. So I did a big pile of ironing while I waited, then put the order in, then made a large chocolate mousse and pasta salad for family party, then had quick shower and went to church to thank god for, among other far more relevant things, helping me stick to my diet (I wonder how many other worshippers are that shallow - surely peace in the world, end to famine etc are more pressing - I do go there too).
Well, while I was ironing I had the morning news on (sadly too early for my beloved Andrew Marr - what is it about him? The ears?). One of the discussions was about childhood obesity and how they are going to tackle it via schools. They brought up the subject of how children are now weighed and measured in school and a letter sent out to parents giving the results. This letter comes from the NHS PCT and is sent to the parent. However, you and I know what children are like - they chat between themselves and my daughter was asking me last week if I had had such a letter as her friends had. I denied all knowledge of it. The reason for this is that she is a very lovely 11 year old, who has changed out of all recognition in the past 6 months. She is by far the tallest in her year group, is fairly athletic and lean. However, the letter says in bold type across the middle that she is very overweight for her age and sex. She is actually 1lb into the very overweight category and I don't for the life of me know why. I have asked various friends (who would be blunt!) if they think she is and am met with a resounding "God no, she's perfect" - I am not "ostriching" on this one. She is already showing too much of an interest in her weight and gets the scales out with worrying frequency - at such a vulnerable age, when their bodies are changing and they are self conscious, I would hate to think of the psychological effect of her seeing that stark very overweight analysis of her body. She is as fit as a flea, always on the move and fits standard clothes for her age.
The paragraph underneath the analysis reads as follows:
"Being very overweight can affect your child's health. Children who are very overweight are more likely to develop diabetes and high blood pressure. As adults, they are more likely to have high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. People who are very overweight are more likely to suffer poor health and die earlier than people who are a healthy weight."
Christ, if she read that she'd be half way to an eating disorder before you could throw out the biscuits! I think it is very poorly worded and badly thought out and, frankly, I was horrified.
It goes on to say that the leaflet enclosed gives tips to help your family eat well and be active.
However, what is to be done? I fully agree with the doctor discussing it this morning, that something has to be done as we are heading for an explosion of health problems in very young people. It is a massive challenge to tackle it without shattering the self esteem of those vulnerable children. Do you take the bull by the horns, tell the child they are too big and that they are endangering their future health. Do you highlight their problem and make them attend a "fat camp" style health club at school? My daughter would have been mortified. Would a direct telephone call to the parent be a better method, offering constructive support and advice, rather than a scare tactic letter and leaflet? Or am I just being horribly civilised?
It is about the same as going to the doctor's, being prescribed Orlistat and told to get a repeat prescription from reception when you need one - where is the specialist dietary advice, support and back up in that?
I don't envy the health professionals that have to address these issues but I have to admit to being blazing about the method employed with regards to children to date.
Happier blog tomorrow I promise!
E xx
This morning, I got up early (why is it when you can have a lie in, you need a wee at an unearthly hour and can't get back to sleep?). Anyway, I decided to put an order into a well known supermarket but couldn't remember my password (it is over 5 years since I last shopped on line) so I had to wait for them to email it to me. So I did a big pile of ironing while I waited, then put the order in, then made a large chocolate mousse and pasta salad for family party, then had quick shower and went to church to thank god for, among other far more relevant things, helping me stick to my diet (I wonder how many other worshippers are that shallow - surely peace in the world, end to famine etc are more pressing - I do go there too).
Well, while I was ironing I had the morning news on (sadly too early for my beloved Andrew Marr - what is it about him? The ears?). One of the discussions was about childhood obesity and how they are going to tackle it via schools. They brought up the subject of how children are now weighed and measured in school and a letter sent out to parents giving the results. This letter comes from the NHS PCT and is sent to the parent. However, you and I know what children are like - they chat between themselves and my daughter was asking me last week if I had had such a letter as her friends had. I denied all knowledge of it. The reason for this is that she is a very lovely 11 year old, who has changed out of all recognition in the past 6 months. She is by far the tallest in her year group, is fairly athletic and lean. However, the letter says in bold type across the middle that she is very overweight for her age and sex. She is actually 1lb into the very overweight category and I don't for the life of me know why. I have asked various friends (who would be blunt!) if they think she is and am met with a resounding "God no, she's perfect" - I am not "ostriching" on this one. She is already showing too much of an interest in her weight and gets the scales out with worrying frequency - at such a vulnerable age, when their bodies are changing and they are self conscious, I would hate to think of the psychological effect of her seeing that stark very overweight analysis of her body. She is as fit as a flea, always on the move and fits standard clothes for her age.
The paragraph underneath the analysis reads as follows:
"Being very overweight can affect your child's health. Children who are very overweight are more likely to develop diabetes and high blood pressure. As adults, they are more likely to have high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and cancer. People who are very overweight are more likely to suffer poor health and die earlier than people who are a healthy weight."
Christ, if she read that she'd be half way to an eating disorder before you could throw out the biscuits! I think it is very poorly worded and badly thought out and, frankly, I was horrified.
It goes on to say that the leaflet enclosed gives tips to help your family eat well and be active.
However, what is to be done? I fully agree with the doctor discussing it this morning, that something has to be done as we are heading for an explosion of health problems in very young people. It is a massive challenge to tackle it without shattering the self esteem of those vulnerable children. Do you take the bull by the horns, tell the child they are too big and that they are endangering their future health. Do you highlight their problem and make them attend a "fat camp" style health club at school? My daughter would have been mortified. Would a direct telephone call to the parent be a better method, offering constructive support and advice, rather than a scare tactic letter and leaflet? Or am I just being horribly civilised?
It is about the same as going to the doctor's, being prescribed Orlistat and told to get a repeat prescription from reception when you need one - where is the specialist dietary advice, support and back up in that?
I don't envy the health professionals that have to address these issues but I have to admit to being blazing about the method employed with regards to children to date.
Happier blog tomorrow I promise!
E xx
Saturday 5 September 2009
Yes, Yes, Yes! (as they say in that stupid advert)
14st 13lb! First time I have been in the 14's for over 2 years. Fantastic! To celebrate I went on a good long walk with the dog as I plan to motor a bit now.
I was in a mood with partner this morning (something to do with being woken by amorous partner at 6.30am resulting in snarling bitch response, resulting in stroppy rejected partner - say no more). The resulting foul mood is very good for diet - he was in kitchen so I couldn't go in to get breakfast (I am too polite and would have had to speak) so I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom, put away the ironing, then hoovered and dusted the sitting room - all at break neck speed and working up a little sweat! This is good. Not that I recommend fury towards partner to force cleaning and tidying house (I tried sustained mood until lunchtime but cracked at miserable face - we are now friends).
I had the very best of intentions. I had to make Chelsea buns to double check the recipe for the book, so I did. They came out of the oven looking so utterly delectable and even more so once I drizzled them in icing glaze. Anyway, I gently tore one from the delicious little nest and put it on a plate for Bruce's pudding. The remaining seven, I gave to a friend who was round for coffee as her house is always brimming with children (hers, often mine and many others!). So far, so good. Then, while I was on my walk, my brother rang to say that he, his family and my Dad were watching another brother playing cricket at Middleham. No indication of whether they would be calling so I thought I'd better whip up another batch. I tore off one for my daughter and there was this tempting little morsel hanging off the one to the side of it - I ate it. In tearing a little morsel a rather larger strip ripped and then, as fast as I could (as if speed eating is less fattening) I stuffed the rest of it. The only saving grace is that I didn't follow it up with the remaining six. To top it off, they went straight back to Lincolnshire and didn't call after all. I am most disgruntled with myself. When will I learn restraint?
Anyway, all in all, discounting naughty warm Chelsea bun, I have had a good day. I am going to have a very good week. Tonight I had to laugh as someone said that I had lost so much weight that if I lost any more, I would disappear - like that's ever going to happen!
Family barbeque tomorrow - I'm driving so can't repeat last year's excessive consumption of wine resulting in room spin (car spin?) on the way home!
E xx
I was in a mood with partner this morning (something to do with being woken by amorous partner at 6.30am resulting in snarling bitch response, resulting in stroppy rejected partner - say no more). The resulting foul mood is very good for diet - he was in kitchen so I couldn't go in to get breakfast (I am too polite and would have had to speak) so I cleaned the bathroom from top to bottom, put away the ironing, then hoovered and dusted the sitting room - all at break neck speed and working up a little sweat! This is good. Not that I recommend fury towards partner to force cleaning and tidying house (I tried sustained mood until lunchtime but cracked at miserable face - we are now friends).
I had the very best of intentions. I had to make Chelsea buns to double check the recipe for the book, so I did. They came out of the oven looking so utterly delectable and even more so once I drizzled them in icing glaze. Anyway, I gently tore one from the delicious little nest and put it on a plate for Bruce's pudding. The remaining seven, I gave to a friend who was round for coffee as her house is always brimming with children (hers, often mine and many others!). So far, so good. Then, while I was on my walk, my brother rang to say that he, his family and my Dad were watching another brother playing cricket at Middleham. No indication of whether they would be calling so I thought I'd better whip up another batch. I tore off one for my daughter and there was this tempting little morsel hanging off the one to the side of it - I ate it. In tearing a little morsel a rather larger strip ripped and then, as fast as I could (as if speed eating is less fattening) I stuffed the rest of it. The only saving grace is that I didn't follow it up with the remaining six. To top it off, they went straight back to Lincolnshire and didn't call after all. I am most disgruntled with myself. When will I learn restraint?
Anyway, all in all, discounting naughty warm Chelsea bun, I have had a good day. I am going to have a very good week. Tonight I had to laugh as someone said that I had lost so much weight that if I lost any more, I would disappear - like that's ever going to happen!
Family barbeque tomorrow - I'm driving so can't repeat last year's excessive consumption of wine resulting in room spin (car spin?) on the way home!
E xx
Friday 4 September 2009
3 weeks over - 8lbs off
15st 0lbs. Still. Sorry not to be dynamically shaving off a couple of pounds a day. However, tomorrow will be the day that I drop under 15st. I am confident. I can't wait to write 14st.....! We shall see.
My youngest daughter started secondary school today. She was her usual fairly matter of fact self and didn't seem phased. It helps that she has two big sisters in school and at least one cousin in each year group. As for me, where has that little dimpled dumpling gone? She was the smiliest baby with beautiful dimples on the top of both cheeks (which she still has) and a happy demeanor. She is now quite independent, very organised, bossy, opinionated......and absolutely delightful. I hope that she will continue to blossom. Patsy Thompson, a very lovely lady who used to work with me and sadly died a few years ago, said that you have to give your children roots and wings - roots to know where their home is and wings to fly as high as they want to. How wise and apt. What a responsibility. I tell my eldest that it feels like swimming through thick soup sometimes trying to guide and advise without stunting their natural growth and spirit of adventure.
On the diet front, I made the soup with pearl barley. I just did onions, carrots, a bit of swede, sweet potato, organic chicken stock cube, pearl barley, lots of black pepper and then added spinach at the end. I had roasted a leg of lamb yesterday for the photos so I chopped a bit up and added it to the pot. Rather tasty though I say it myself and very "meal in a bowl" satisfying.
I had a good long walk with the dog and kept up a good pace - walk through the pain of bad knee and back I kept chanting, walk through the pain. It worked at the time but now I am a bit slow to get going. However, nothing to stop me having a good walk tomorrow as well so I'll try a different route. I really need Ben"the relentless"Smith back for tennis coaching - coming up on Wednesday apparently so watch out Ben - podge needs you!
Failed miserably on the drinking water front - forgot that promise completely. Will try harder tomorrow.
Got middle daughter to take a photo today so that you (who don't know me) have an indication of what I look like. I thought I'd look smart for school visit and was feeling pretty pleased with myself when I set off. Trousers which hadn't fitted a month ago now fit comfortably and I had actually made the effort to blow dry my hair (rather than let it take control itself). All in all I felt confident for me. And then I saw the photo. The me I was imagining and looking down on, looked nothing like that! From where I look, my stomach is not too bad (admittedly I can't really see over my boobs). On my walk tonight, I estimated that I carry around 8st between my knees and my waist. I really do have the most enormous bottom.
It may take more than a few walks and bowls of soup to shift!
Here's hoping for a downward shift tomorrow (of weight, not my buttocks!)
E xx
My youngest daughter started secondary school today. She was her usual fairly matter of fact self and didn't seem phased. It helps that she has two big sisters in school and at least one cousin in each year group. As for me, where has that little dimpled dumpling gone? She was the smiliest baby with beautiful dimples on the top of both cheeks (which she still has) and a happy demeanor. She is now quite independent, very organised, bossy, opinionated......and absolutely delightful. I hope that she will continue to blossom. Patsy Thompson, a very lovely lady who used to work with me and sadly died a few years ago, said that you have to give your children roots and wings - roots to know where their home is and wings to fly as high as they want to. How wise and apt. What a responsibility. I tell my eldest that it feels like swimming through thick soup sometimes trying to guide and advise without stunting their natural growth and spirit of adventure.
On the diet front, I made the soup with pearl barley. I just did onions, carrots, a bit of swede, sweet potato, organic chicken stock cube, pearl barley, lots of black pepper and then added spinach at the end. I had roasted a leg of lamb yesterday for the photos so I chopped a bit up and added it to the pot. Rather tasty though I say it myself and very "meal in a bowl" satisfying.
I had a good long walk with the dog and kept up a good pace - walk through the pain of bad knee and back I kept chanting, walk through the pain. It worked at the time but now I am a bit slow to get going. However, nothing to stop me having a good walk tomorrow as well so I'll try a different route. I really need Ben"the relentless"Smith back for tennis coaching - coming up on Wednesday apparently so watch out Ben - podge needs you!
Failed miserably on the drinking water front - forgot that promise completely. Will try harder tomorrow.
Got middle daughter to take a photo today so that you (who don't know me) have an indication of what I look like. I thought I'd look smart for school visit and was feeling pretty pleased with myself when I set off. Trousers which hadn't fitted a month ago now fit comfortably and I had actually made the effort to blow dry my hair (rather than let it take control itself). All in all I felt confident for me. And then I saw the photo. The me I was imagining and looking down on, looked nothing like that! From where I look, my stomach is not too bad (admittedly I can't really see over my boobs). On my walk tonight, I estimated that I carry around 8st between my knees and my waist. I really do have the most enormous bottom.
It may take more than a few walks and bowls of soup to shift!
Here's hoping for a downward shift tomorrow (of weight, not my buttocks!)
E xx
Thursday 3 September 2009
Sticking is becoming a habit!
15st 0lb. Again. It is coming off a little too steadily at the moment. Mind you, I suppose after yesterday I should be pleased with that.
I have been down in Ripon today preparing food for photography - the macaroni cheese was hard to resist so I must be tired - comfort food is the order of the day! However, I didn't have time for breakfast here so, when I stopped to shop for the shoot, I bought myself a punnet of raspberries and an Eat Natural nut bar - I am sure they are very high fat (mainly because they don't tell you the nutritionals!) but it is good fat and might help keep me regular! For lunch the lovely photographers had made an excellent, wholesome soup (and I didn't have any of the 3 different types of bread I had made) and then I had a mango, a yoghurt and a pack of tootie frooties for supper when I got back. Hmm. Not ideal nutritionally!
Anyway, I had a couple of hours peace in the car driving to and fro Ripon with no radio as it's broken. I have concluded that the slow progress of weight loss in the past fortnight is not really a problem with my food intake but more the fact that I am not moving. I have been on my feet for over 15 hours today but not once have I been even remotely out of breath. I am busy, busy, busy but not doing any exercise. I feel the urge to move! So, tomorrow will be the end of the first three weeks of my quest and the start of a more organised routine (not a good word - it just doesn't suit the rather haphazard person that is me!). The dog will be thrilled. My other issue could be that I am not a natural drinker (I have my moments!) and, other than mugs of tea (which I tend to make and then leave around the house) I don't drink. I will have a glass of water once a week at the most. I must make an effort to drink some water. Tomorrow I will leave a jug on the side and aim to drink it by the end of the day. Mind you, have I got time for frequent trips to the loo.....?
Tomorrow my baby girl starts secondary school. I will tell you how we go on.
E xx
I have been down in Ripon today preparing food for photography - the macaroni cheese was hard to resist so I must be tired - comfort food is the order of the day! However, I didn't have time for breakfast here so, when I stopped to shop for the shoot, I bought myself a punnet of raspberries and an Eat Natural nut bar - I am sure they are very high fat (mainly because they don't tell you the nutritionals!) but it is good fat and might help keep me regular! For lunch the lovely photographers had made an excellent, wholesome soup (and I didn't have any of the 3 different types of bread I had made) and then I had a mango, a yoghurt and a pack of tootie frooties for supper when I got back. Hmm. Not ideal nutritionally!
Anyway, I had a couple of hours peace in the car driving to and fro Ripon with no radio as it's broken. I have concluded that the slow progress of weight loss in the past fortnight is not really a problem with my food intake but more the fact that I am not moving. I have been on my feet for over 15 hours today but not once have I been even remotely out of breath. I am busy, busy, busy but not doing any exercise. I feel the urge to move! So, tomorrow will be the end of the first three weeks of my quest and the start of a more organised routine (not a good word - it just doesn't suit the rather haphazard person that is me!). The dog will be thrilled. My other issue could be that I am not a natural drinker (I have my moments!) and, other than mugs of tea (which I tend to make and then leave around the house) I don't drink. I will have a glass of water once a week at the most. I must make an effort to drink some water. Tomorrow I will leave a jug on the side and aim to drink it by the end of the day. Mind you, have I got time for frequent trips to the loo.....?
Tomorrow my baby girl starts secondary school. I will tell you how we go on.
E xx
Wednesday 2 September 2009
I've got lost on the days now so we'll give up on that!
15st 0lb. Well, they can certainly bake in Swaledale! I had to judge cheese, butter, brown and white bread, sponges, gingerbread, carrot cake, swiss roll, chocolate cake, queen cakes, fatless sponges - all multiplied by 10 or even 16! Unfortunately (for my diet) it is necessary to taste it all - admittedly a very small taster (although I could have eaten most of the winning carrot cake - what a cake!). Anyway, the upshot of the day was that it wasn't great for my diet but it was a fabulous day for the great British village show and the very best of country farming, craft and cookery. It really was a joy to see every age from the very tiniest baby dressed as a cow to support his slightly bigger brother in the fancy dress, to a wonderful old man judging the vintage tractors with genuine enthusiasm and love for the vehicles. The show perfectly illustrated the diversity and quality of skills still very much in evidence in the countryside today. Well done Muker.
So, all in all, a lovely day. If it means I have gone back up to 15st 1lb tomorrow I shall not be pleased but for the meantime I am quite content.
Now I've been nice, I'm going to have a little rant. Yesterday in the Daily Mail (I know,
I should know better) the headline was about how 40% of breast cancer could be prevented through living a better lifestyle. Apparently 40% of breast cancer sufferers have consumed too much alcohol, eaten too much food and not done enough exercise - I think that's more like 95% of the population. Yes, we are all aware that we could be living a healthier life (why am I doing this?), but, is it honestly helpful to add guilt that you could have done things differently to the distress, discomfort and uncertainty inflicted by this cruel disease? I hardly think so and hope that anyone enduring treatment now will not give what they have done in the past a second thought and just concentrate on looking to a long and healthy future to come. Rant over.
E xx
PS Thanks for all the encouraging comments - my progress may seem slow but chipping away slowly gets you through the tunnel! (I was watching Shawshank Redemption recently!)
So, all in all, a lovely day. If it means I have gone back up to 15st 1lb tomorrow I shall not be pleased but for the meantime I am quite content.
Now I've been nice, I'm going to have a little rant. Yesterday in the Daily Mail (I know,
I should know better) the headline was about how 40% of breast cancer could be prevented through living a better lifestyle. Apparently 40% of breast cancer sufferers have consumed too much alcohol, eaten too much food and not done enough exercise - I think that's more like 95% of the population. Yes, we are all aware that we could be living a healthier life (why am I doing this?), but, is it honestly helpful to add guilt that you could have done things differently to the distress, discomfort and uncertainty inflicted by this cruel disease? I hardly think so and hope that anyone enduring treatment now will not give what they have done in the past a second thought and just concentrate on looking to a long and healthy future to come. Rant over.
E xx
PS Thanks for all the encouraging comments - my progress may seem slow but chipping away slowly gets you through the tunnel! (I was watching Shawshank Redemption recently!)
Tuesday 1 September 2009
Day 18 Thank God for that!
15st 0lb. Hallelujah! I did it! It has spurred me on to be really good today in the hope of nipping under the 15st mark (well obviously not just today, but for the REST OF MY LIFE!).
Last night I had a lovely surprise in that a friend from school days (with whom I have kept in regular touch but haven't spoken to for a few months) phoned to say she had been reading my blog. Basically, reading between the lines, she couldn't believe how fat I am now and said I eat too much bread. She has a point. I said last week that I was going to cut down on my bread consumption but I haven't really. It's so convenient and if I'm in a hurry, it's the meal of choice. Anyway, I raided the bottom drawers of the fridge and made some soup - onions, sweet potato, butternut squash, carrots, fresh beetroot and added some tomatoes and red lentils as well as an organic veggie stock cube, some fresh thyme and loads of black pepper. I put a teaspoon of olive oil in to get the onions softened and then put the whole lot in together. I had it for lunch (without bread) and for supper. It is delicious and I must make more soups - the children love them for a start. I'm going to make a hearty one next with pearl barley - I'll keep you informed. So, I really am going to try to cut down on bread. In "Fat Girl Slim" by Ruth Watson, she has the same love of bread as I do. She got round it by having her dedicated bread day, once a month, when she could make and eat whatever bread she liked so that she could, in her words, "enjoy, indeed luxuriate, in the pleasure of eating something I adore without suffering any pangs of guilt or remorse". Sounds good to me!
Tomorrow I need help. I am judging the produce section at Muker Show and, apparently, they have lots of entries. Bread, sponge cake, fruit cake, fruit pies, scones - you name it, I have to try it....many times over! I wonder if they would provide a spit bucket like they do for wine? It will play havoc with my resolve - which is very resolved at the moment! I shall report how I got on.
E xx
PS Saw photo of Fern Britton getting out of the surf in a wet suit looking bloody good for over 50 and in such an unforgiving garment! Could never have a gastric band myself (too poor; too much of a whimp) but I really admire her for taking the bull by the horns and admitting that, although a very attractive fat woman, not a happy one, after all. Must have been hard work putting a brave, smiling face on it for all those years. Well done Fern.
Last night I had a lovely surprise in that a friend from school days (with whom I have kept in regular touch but haven't spoken to for a few months) phoned to say she had been reading my blog. Basically, reading between the lines, she couldn't believe how fat I am now and said I eat too much bread. She has a point. I said last week that I was going to cut down on my bread consumption but I haven't really. It's so convenient and if I'm in a hurry, it's the meal of choice. Anyway, I raided the bottom drawers of the fridge and made some soup - onions, sweet potato, butternut squash, carrots, fresh beetroot and added some tomatoes and red lentils as well as an organic veggie stock cube, some fresh thyme and loads of black pepper. I put a teaspoon of olive oil in to get the onions softened and then put the whole lot in together. I had it for lunch (without bread) and for supper. It is delicious and I must make more soups - the children love them for a start. I'm going to make a hearty one next with pearl barley - I'll keep you informed. So, I really am going to try to cut down on bread. In "Fat Girl Slim" by Ruth Watson, she has the same love of bread as I do. She got round it by having her dedicated bread day, once a month, when she could make and eat whatever bread she liked so that she could, in her words, "enjoy, indeed luxuriate, in the pleasure of eating something I adore without suffering any pangs of guilt or remorse". Sounds good to me!
Tomorrow I need help. I am judging the produce section at Muker Show and, apparently, they have lots of entries. Bread, sponge cake, fruit cake, fruit pies, scones - you name it, I have to try it....many times over! I wonder if they would provide a spit bucket like they do for wine? It will play havoc with my resolve - which is very resolved at the moment! I shall report how I got on.
E xx
PS Saw photo of Fern Britton getting out of the surf in a wet suit looking bloody good for over 50 and in such an unforgiving garment! Could never have a gastric band myself (too poor; too much of a whimp) but I really admire her for taking the bull by the horns and admitting that, although a very attractive fat woman, not a happy one, after all. Must have been hard work putting a brave, smiling face on it for all those years. Well done Fern.
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