15st 1lb. Wow! Now, let's not get too excited. I was still 15st 3lb yesterday morning and, to be honest, expect to be 15st 2lb tomorrow. The reason for a 2lb loss in one day is because I barely ate - not something I'd recommend. The thing is my food consumption when I am working is directly related to the level of responsibility involved. When I am baking in a relaxed fashion, as I have said before, I have a natural inclination to lick out the bowl and eat all the broken off bits when I am cutting up traybakes. However, catering for a wedding is a different matter. From 6am yesterday morning until 11pm last night, I had ultimate responsibility to ensure that the bride and groom got what they wanted - this means I am totally focussed on ensuring the day (and all the food)runs smoothly. I am never hungry on these days so I make myself eat breakfast before I go and then rarely eat again until I get home. Last night I was too tired even to do that. Hence, big weight loss. Anyway, it was a perfect village wedding - quite unconventional but really pretty and achingly romantic.
Today, I have had a relaxed day, partly enforced by the wet weather which meant I couldn't garden or clean the car (first one I love, second I hate but it is a skip on wheels and urgently needs a make over). I took the dog for a walk (in the drizzle and feeling sanctimonious) and contemplated the feeling of joy that has been in my life for the past week or so. I concluded that it is because I have a sense of control and, more importantly I think, a sense of purpose. I listened to a really interesting piece on the radio (www.bbc.co.uk/radio4)last week about a 1976 Langer & Rodin study which had shown that giving control over small things in the lives of some elderly residents in a nursing home, had prolonged their lives. I have had a distinct purpose in my life - the one to improve my health (not that being a mother, partner, even just myself, isn't a purpose). When my business went into administration two years ago, after a long period of anxiety and a feeling of utter helplessness, I felt I had lost who I was - my reason for being. It was a tremendously difficult time in my life and the change in circumstance was a difficult adjustment. I think you need to feel purpose, reason or a level of achievability to thrive. Worthlessness is such a negative, destructive feeling and I think many people with weight problems feel they are not so deserving of the success, happiness and other such positives that someone with higher self esteem may take as a given. Time to get out of the negative wheel and feel good about the good things we do in our lives!
Another week starting tomorrow - where did the last one go?
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