Day 3 Get thee behind me, Satan!

15st 7lb. Got on the scales at 7am, no loss. Moved the scales a few feet. Still no loss. Tried another position. Still no loss. Now, had I lost a pound, I would have jumped off quickly with glee and shoved the scales back in the cupboard before they could reclaim it. Am I mad or are all dieters like this?

Had Weetabix and skimmed milk for breakfast. And a plum. Doing well so far.

Went to work. Sadly for my body, I am a cook and today I was baking. I once said to my mother that there was nothing more satisfying in life than watching a cake rise - she, quite rightly, told me to get a life. However, I stand by the principle that baking is a satisfying pasttime - light as air cakes, gooey chocolate brownies, sticky parkin - ah, the aromas, textures and of course, the tastes. There is something automatic about lifting the spoon from bowl to mouth with that last dollop of cake mixture - I don't even know I'm doing it. As one of five children, there was always a cry of "you licked the bowl last time" as my mother baked in the kitchen - maybe it's because there's no contest now that it seems criminal to waste the treat.

This morning I very consciously baked and then immediately immersed the bowl in soapy water. So sad but so necessary. Weight watchers would be proud of me.
So, I'm feeling quite pleased with myself. Two pieces of toast with sugar on for lunch - not ideal I know but I was at work and in a hurry (and surrounded by cakes!).

I work alone on a Monday and have plenty of time to think. This morning's ponderings included why it has taken me so many false starts to get dieting. Now, my conclusion may seem like the most pathetic excuse you have ever heard not to diet, but here goes. I think it's because I have such a fear of going to all the effort to lose the weight in the first place, just to put it all on again. Will I stay on the endless treadmill of loss/gain? In my heart of hearts, I know that I will not be able to resist cake mixture, fresh bread, marshmallow krispie, creamy sauces and loads more calorie laden delights, for the rest of my life. I am just not that disciplined.

Will the new svelte body that I crave, stave off temptation? I hope so.

E xx