Feeling guilty

14st 1lb. Getting there slowly. I haven't been avoiding you as I have been relatively good but life has been busy, busy, busy!!! Actually, for once in my life, it's been social and fun - I don't remember the last time I went out three nights running.

On Saturday, I had some friends in for an informal supper and thoroughly enjoyed it. The mini baked alaskas were delicious and, yes, of course I had one! I drank a little too much fizz and red wine and went to bed a happy girl. On Sunday I went to a Leukemia Research fundraiser lunch which was a great event and raised lots of money for a hugely worthwhile cause. On Sunday night we went to meet a friend who does get to the glorious North very often and had a good catch up - I was only on slimline tonic by this time though! Last night I went joined a new singing group that's just started in the village and loved it. As I have said before, I love to sing and singing informally in a big group is so uplifting - I came away singing to myself and went for a drink with a friend - non alcoholic.

In between all this social life, I have had a busy couple of days at work. I am still feeling positive and happy, which is great.

So, why am I feeling guilty? I'm sitting here typing at the same time as watching "Too Big to walk" - a documentary about a group of seriously obese people who are to walk from the south coast to Edinburgh over 8 weeks. They are obviously really big and the walking must be grossly uncomfortable for them most of the time, certainly at the start. At the start of tonight's programme they don't seem to be that motivated and start eating butties, chips, kebabs, etc and not really seeming to take it seriously. I find myself tutting and getting cross with them for their lack of self respect and control. Then I felt like a right hypocrite as I break my intentions virtually every day, in spite of a deep desire to lose weight and take control of my life. It's no different with them except that they are bigger. In the middle, they meet with the fitness chap and get a serious bollocking - then they seem to kick into gear and make some impressive losses (up to 16 lb) in the next week, walking 12 miles every day and eating healthily. I am feeling a little guilty and a lot humbled.

Tomorrow, the pace of life calms down a bit and I am going to make the most of it - a good walk with Lucy, some writing, some ironing and writing Christmas cards. I am also going to see a friend with her new baby - I love new babies and can't wait!

E xx