A guilty pleasure

I contemplated today whether there can be such a thing as a guilty pleasure. A sneaky glass of Baileys/handful of chocolates/bowl of cereal, etc. I don't think it can be a pleasure if it's guilty. You don't enjoy it. I really do have a problem with eating - it is very rarely a good experience as I know that I shouldn't be eating the food I'm eating. I am without discipline and self control. I keep thinking that I will be fine once I get to my new job full time (I only have this week to go at the Auction) but it shouldn't take that kind of change to spur me on my way.

The scales are in the cupboard getting dusty. I can't face them as I know it's bad news. However, today I went to the Metro Centre with a group of 13 year olds for my daughter's birthday and, you won't believe this but, I bought an exercise DVD!!!! I stood infront of the shelf in W H Smiths contemplating which of the unfeasible looking routines would suit me - my daughters thought that a Ministry of Sound dance based one would be good but I am 44 and must be realistic. I thought about Hannah Waterman's top seller but, to be honest, although obviously she looks slim, there is something a little spooky about how she looks - it's the long thin neck. I also thought the girls might think it was a bit uncool. So, we have Davina. I am a little concerned that the sitting room is not large, I am and I like my china. Must not get carried away! Tomorrow I will get started and also plan a walk for the last time during working hours due to the fact that I start full time next week.

Last night I went out for dinner with my colleagues from work as my leaving do. It was such a good evening and I loved every minute. Although I am glad to be leaving catering, I am going to really miss the girls I work with - they have all been such a support to me, as well as being fun, full of gossip and good friends. I will miss them. The girls were all out when I got back from work so I treated myself to a long hot bath and actually took time to style my newly cut hair. Then I popped my head round Emily's bedroom door to see if she had some lens solution and spotted her makeup on the bed (very rare - its usually in her bag). It was a reverse of the little girl playing with Mummy's makeup - it was such fun to experiment with all her gorgeous glittery bright colours. I probably looked like a clown but I felt great and actually went out with a degree of confidence. The meal started well with the meal with a sea bass starter but then I had a wild mushroom, spinach and pinenut pasta dish - divine flavours. Very rich. Won't even think of the calories. At least I didn't have a pudding. It was all washed down with too much red wine and countless Baileys. My ample bosom was the focus of attention - it would appear that my colleagues (both male and female) only see me in an apron and seemed surprised at my very obvious decollete. There was much hilarity and teasing. No surprising that I had a thumping hangover and queasy stomach this morning. The Lord rewarded me for missing church in order to take daughter and friends shopping, by confining me in the car for one and a half hours with 4 over excited, raucous teenage girls. Wow, they can talk/shout/sing without hesitation....... interminably.
Suffice to say, I am ready for my bed. This IS going to be the week I start my new figure.......I don't expect you to believe me!

E xx