14st 7lb. I've survived another season of lamb/tup sales and amazingly, I am feeling relatively normal and not nearly as washed out as I was this time last year. The last couple of days were hard work with very long hours but, all in all, satisfying and at least this time I didn't gain weight even though I eat very little whilst there. On Wednesday, in the 19 hours that I was awake and working, I ate 4 Quality Street sweets off the reception desk in the office and 2 Weetabix with hot milk when I got home. I was not good yesterday - in terms of calories for the day it was not OTT, but I ate all the wrong things - a piece of coffee cake; 6 Quality Streets; 15 chips from the fryer; a ham sandwich (and that was only because I was conscious that I was starting to pick).
Anyway, I have realised something positive. I may not be moving down the scales but, I no longer feel enormous. I have graduated to being a "big lass" and feel I am within acceptable limits. This in no way alters the fact that I know I have a long way to go to be medically within acceptable limits, but I feel that my hugeness is not necessarily the first thing people will notice about me. This is a really positive step in the right direction. It started in Cornwall when I was fairly relaxed and able to get out and walk in such beautiful surroundings every day. I know it is a scientifically proven fact that your "feel good" hormones are raised when you exercise but I never really believed it. However, when I had no other distractions such as work, family life and stemming the tide of chaos at home, I felt great. Maybe it's the taking control or indulging in a past time that you know is doing you good.
I am so looking forward to November. I am going to be positive, nurturing and more confident. I need to take my life in hand and tackle the issues that are holding me back (mainly money and work!). I wish I had my time again to really carefully consider where I wanted to be with a career.
I'm signing off for a while as I need to go to a funeral. I will be back to finish off later.
Exx
Friday, 30 October 2009
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
I now like aubergines!
Not exactly love, but certainly not dislike! I walked past a box of aubergines in the market today and thought how inviting they looked. I didn't actually buy any as I have two busy days at work and won't have time to cook. I have made some ratatouille to take with me for lunch. Thank you for the cooking suggestions - I will try them. I actually do like moussaka but I don't think it will fit with the diet plans.
I am really excited about my plans for November. I am going to start as I mean to go on. You may notice there isn't a weight at the top of the page - this is not because I have gone back to twice a week weigh in, it's because I know the news won't be good. I have been picking. However, today I have been much better. I grabbed a piece of toast & honey on my way out to work, then a hard boiled egg with a tomato and cucumber for lunch and two pieces of toast with peanut butter for supper. Too much bread I know but I was late in after a busy day and was too tired to bother as everyone else had eaten.
I am suffering from lack of exercise which generates that "feel good" factor. As I will be in work from 5.30am to midnight tomorrow, other than being on my feet all day, I won't get a walk and will miss tennis again this week. I really miss it and will try to organise a game for the weekend when I have NOTHING PLANNED!!!! What a joy!
Anyway, I'm signing out until Friday at the earliest due to work commitments.
Happy dieting
E xx
I am really excited about my plans for November. I am going to start as I mean to go on. You may notice there isn't a weight at the top of the page - this is not because I have gone back to twice a week weigh in, it's because I know the news won't be good. I have been picking. However, today I have been much better. I grabbed a piece of toast & honey on my way out to work, then a hard boiled egg with a tomato and cucumber for lunch and two pieces of toast with peanut butter for supper. Too much bread I know but I was late in after a busy day and was too tired to bother as everyone else had eaten.
I am suffering from lack of exercise which generates that "feel good" factor. As I will be in work from 5.30am to midnight tomorrow, other than being on my feet all day, I won't get a walk and will miss tennis again this week. I really miss it and will try to organise a game for the weekend when I have NOTHING PLANNED!!!! What a joy!
Anyway, I'm signing out until Friday at the earliest due to work commitments.
Happy dieting
E xx
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Learning to love the aubergine!
14st 7lb. I sat in church this morning and decided (I did concentrate on the sermon, I promise!) that I will get another stone off before Christmas. This will take some focus and effort, both of which I am happy to give. I am so excited about my "Me November" - a month of concentration on me, my diet and my health. This is becoming essential as I am truly knackered and my leg is not in a good state. Taking 12 antibiotics a day is taking its toll and doesn't seem to be making progres on the leg! Never mind. Four more big days at work (we do go out with a bang - Weds & Thurs are HUGE) and by Friday, the main season with be over. Phew! The girls and I can have me back.
I am tackling demons. As you have probably gathered, there are very few foods that I don't like. Aubergines are one of them but I feel I should. Yesterday, I intentionally bought one. It is sitting on the side in the kitchen waiting for me to lavish it with the love it demands. They really are the most beautiful vegetable (fruit) - glossy, richly coloured, with that lovely little green cap like Peaseblossom's in A Midsummer Night's Dream. I have looked up recipes online but have concluded that I will make some really herby ratatouille, stuff it into the aubergine and bake it in the oven. I am determined that I will like it - we shall see! I'll let you know tomorrow.
Planning ahead, I am going to have a good week even though it is a busy one. I have made some carrot and coriander soup and am going to keep off the bread. Lots of lemon water. No naughties!
E xx
I am tackling demons. As you have probably gathered, there are very few foods that I don't like. Aubergines are one of them but I feel I should. Yesterday, I intentionally bought one. It is sitting on the side in the kitchen waiting for me to lavish it with the love it demands. They really are the most beautiful vegetable (fruit) - glossy, richly coloured, with that lovely little green cap like Peaseblossom's in A Midsummer Night's Dream. I have looked up recipes online but have concluded that I will make some really herby ratatouille, stuff it into the aubergine and bake it in the oven. I am determined that I will like it - we shall see! I'll let you know tomorrow.
Planning ahead, I am going to have a good week even though it is a busy one. I have made some carrot and coriander soup and am going to keep off the bread. Lots of lemon water. No naughties!
E xx
Friday, 23 October 2009
My confession
14st 7lb. oh dear. I am sorry. Must do better.
Anyway, at the beginning of the week, I said I would make a BIG confession. It involves food. It involves greed. In my defense, it was a long time ago and I did learn from it.
I suppose, as a child, I was a petty thief in the making. I clearly remember my brother and I pinching 2p off the back of the Aga and getting discovered. Our punishment was that he wasn't allowed to go to Saturday club at the cinema at all although I was allowed to go but no pocket money for sweets in the interval - I suppose the parents must have thought he was the ring leader (which he could well have been). On another occasion, my younger brother and I pinched a large packet of Victory V's from the village shop - only to discover that I didn't like them. I have never worked out why we didn't throw them in the bin instead of making him eat them all - resulting in the doctor at 2am with my mother thinking he had appendicitis.
However, my true crime came at the age of 11 when I was away at boarding school. You see, each half term you could take sweets back to put in the "tuck cupboard" and then a couple of times a week after tea, we could take an item out of the cupboard as our treat. I have said before that I was a skinny child with a pathetic appetite but I loved sweets (still do!). Well, we usually went back to school on a Sunday night and our sweets didn't go into the tuck cupboard until after breakfast on Monday morning, by which time little Miss Piggy had usually eaten most of hers. However, I had the misfortune to share a room with a very well off girl who bought loads of sweets back but who was really quite indifferent to their charms. She used to sneak some of hers to the back of her knicker drawer and put the rest into the tuck cupboard. Well, you guessed it. I tried and tried but I couldn't resist. The little neglected treats were screaming from their prison, "Eat me, eat me". So, when I happened to find myself alone one afternoon, I quietly sneaked over to her drawers, bent down, heart pounding, opened the drawer, removed the tin, opened the lid, selected a mini mars bar and....der, der, deeeeer (drum roll of drama)......in walked matron. "What are you doing?" she bellowed. "Umm. Umm" came my pathetic, inadequate reply. She gave me a lecture about stealing and said we would say no more about it. I was mortified. I cried. I didn't sleep properly for weeks. I never mentioned it to a soul. I never forgot it. But, the incident took me out of the underworld of crime and out into the world of honesty and integrity. I think I went the other way - I have always had a propensity to give away rather than hoard and am scrupulously above board.
The matter did not, as matron had promised, end there. Five years later, when I was about to go into 6th form, I was being considered for Head of House, a position of some responsibility. I was gaily coming down the stairs one day towards the end of term, just before the announcements of prefects, when I over heard my housemistress (she of the most incredibly scaffolded, gravity-defying bosom you have ever seen!) discussing candidates with the headmistress. Conversation as follows:
Headmistress: "Well surely Elizabeth is the obvious choice."
Housemistress: "Well you would think so on the face of it but (confidential voice) she steals you know".
Headmistress: "Good gracious. You've never mentioned it. That does put a different complexion on things."
Housemistress: "It was some time ago."
Me: "Some time ago. I was eleven. It was one mini mars bar (which I had to put back). You can't hold that against me!"
I didn't of course actually say that. I stood on the stairs (out of view) rigid with mortification and then burning with injustice.
I was made Head of House (but never Head of School - could have been the thieving but......more likely the boys!).
Anyway, confession over. This will not come as a shock to my mother as I drunkenly confessed it to her some years ago.
Lesson learnt: Greed will catch up with you. It stays with you for life. I still feel the shame of that 11 year old (and 16 year old)!
E xx
Anyway, at the beginning of the week, I said I would make a BIG confession. It involves food. It involves greed. In my defense, it was a long time ago and I did learn from it.
I suppose, as a child, I was a petty thief in the making. I clearly remember my brother and I pinching 2p off the back of the Aga and getting discovered. Our punishment was that he wasn't allowed to go to Saturday club at the cinema at all although I was allowed to go but no pocket money for sweets in the interval - I suppose the parents must have thought he was the ring leader (which he could well have been). On another occasion, my younger brother and I pinched a large packet of Victory V's from the village shop - only to discover that I didn't like them. I have never worked out why we didn't throw them in the bin instead of making him eat them all - resulting in the doctor at 2am with my mother thinking he had appendicitis.
However, my true crime came at the age of 11 when I was away at boarding school. You see, each half term you could take sweets back to put in the "tuck cupboard" and then a couple of times a week after tea, we could take an item out of the cupboard as our treat. I have said before that I was a skinny child with a pathetic appetite but I loved sweets (still do!). Well, we usually went back to school on a Sunday night and our sweets didn't go into the tuck cupboard until after breakfast on Monday morning, by which time little Miss Piggy had usually eaten most of hers. However, I had the misfortune to share a room with a very well off girl who bought loads of sweets back but who was really quite indifferent to their charms. She used to sneak some of hers to the back of her knicker drawer and put the rest into the tuck cupboard. Well, you guessed it. I tried and tried but I couldn't resist. The little neglected treats were screaming from their prison, "Eat me, eat me". So, when I happened to find myself alone one afternoon, I quietly sneaked over to her drawers, bent down, heart pounding, opened the drawer, removed the tin, opened the lid, selected a mini mars bar and....der, der, deeeeer (drum roll of drama)......in walked matron. "What are you doing?" she bellowed. "Umm. Umm" came my pathetic, inadequate reply. She gave me a lecture about stealing and said we would say no more about it. I was mortified. I cried. I didn't sleep properly for weeks. I never mentioned it to a soul. I never forgot it. But, the incident took me out of the underworld of crime and out into the world of honesty and integrity. I think I went the other way - I have always had a propensity to give away rather than hoard and am scrupulously above board.
The matter did not, as matron had promised, end there. Five years later, when I was about to go into 6th form, I was being considered for Head of House, a position of some responsibility. I was gaily coming down the stairs one day towards the end of term, just before the announcements of prefects, when I over heard my housemistress (she of the most incredibly scaffolded, gravity-defying bosom you have ever seen!) discussing candidates with the headmistress. Conversation as follows:
Headmistress: "Well surely Elizabeth is the obvious choice."
Housemistress: "Well you would think so on the face of it but (confidential voice) she steals you know".
Headmistress: "Good gracious. You've never mentioned it. That does put a different complexion on things."
Housemistress: "It was some time ago."
Me: "Some time ago. I was eleven. It was one mini mars bar (which I had to put back). You can't hold that against me!"
I didn't of course actually say that. I stood on the stairs (out of view) rigid with mortification and then burning with injustice.
I was made Head of House (but never Head of School - could have been the thieving but......more likely the boys!).
Anyway, confession over. This will not come as a shock to my mother as I drunkenly confessed it to her some years ago.
Lesson learnt: Greed will catch up with you. It stays with you for life. I still feel the shame of that 11 year old (and 16 year old)!
E xx
Thursday, 22 October 2009
The knees are crumbling!
14st 7lb. I have just got back from an appointment with the orthopaedic consultant about my knee. Right back at the beginning of my diet journey I said that one of the reasons for dieting is my health, which is not great. At the beginning of August, a friend and I took our girls camping in on the East coast and ended up on a whirly ride in Bridlington. It was fast and furious and if you consider getting crushed repeatedly by your best buddie as she is uncontrollably flung against you to be fun, then this is the ride for you! You hang on for dear life and brace your legs firmly against the bar under your feet. When I left the ride, my legs were like jelly and every muscle ached. Two days later, I woke up to find that my knee would bear no weight whatsoever and I ended up going straight to hospital for an xray. Suffice to say that I was referred to a specialist. During the past couple of months, it has got much better and now, other than aching knees after a long walk, I have no ill effects. However, according to my xrays I am showing early onset arthritis. This is not a great surprise as I have a clicky hip as well. When I asked the consultant what could I do to minimise the problem, surprise, surprise...lose weight!
It is my responsibility to look after my future health and I do think whichever politician it was that said the national health service should refuse to treat people who are seriously overweight for related illnesses until they get to a healthier state, had a point. What would be the point of spending the money on a knee replacement if I am going to continue to exert a great deal of pressure on it? On the drive back, I calculated that, inspite of losing one and a half stone this year, I am still carrying around the equivalent of three quarters of a sack of potatoes in excess weight, all the time. I would struggle to carry such a sack to the end of the lane but I am expecting my knees and hips to support that weight continuously. It is a bit of an eye opener.
I have also realised with shame that I have been in the 14stones since the 5th of September and weighed the same as I weigh now almost a month ago. This has got to stop. I need to really concentrate and get moving. I am really excited about the fact that my major sales at work finish next week (they go out with a bang - horrendous hours and I'm dreading them) but I am going to dedicate November to Elizabeth. I need TLC both physically and mentally. I am going to focus on the family, house and me. Good food, good exercise and some time to breathe. It won't happen, but I am going to try. Listening to Women's Hour on the way to the hospital, it was dedicated to Virginia Woolf and was talking in particular about her book "A Room of One's Own" and how she felt you need space both physically and mentally to be able to flourish. It has been my dream for years to have a room that is only mine - to read, relax, write, sew. In the chaotic world that is this household, we all suffer somewhat from being under each others' feet. There is no where to go if you want peace.
Dream on, Lizzie.......
E xx
It is my responsibility to look after my future health and I do think whichever politician it was that said the national health service should refuse to treat people who are seriously overweight for related illnesses until they get to a healthier state, had a point. What would be the point of spending the money on a knee replacement if I am going to continue to exert a great deal of pressure on it? On the drive back, I calculated that, inspite of losing one and a half stone this year, I am still carrying around the equivalent of three quarters of a sack of potatoes in excess weight, all the time. I would struggle to carry such a sack to the end of the lane but I am expecting my knees and hips to support that weight continuously. It is a bit of an eye opener.
I have also realised with shame that I have been in the 14stones since the 5th of September and weighed the same as I weigh now almost a month ago. This has got to stop. I need to really concentrate and get moving. I am really excited about the fact that my major sales at work finish next week (they go out with a bang - horrendous hours and I'm dreading them) but I am going to dedicate November to Elizabeth. I need TLC both physically and mentally. I am going to focus on the family, house and me. Good food, good exercise and some time to breathe. It won't happen, but I am going to try. Listening to Women's Hour on the way to the hospital, it was dedicated to Virginia Woolf and was talking in particular about her book "A Room of One's Own" and how she felt you need space both physically and mentally to be able to flourish. It has been my dream for years to have a room that is only mine - to read, relax, write, sew. In the chaotic world that is this household, we all suffer somewhat from being under each others' feet. There is no where to go if you want peace.
Dream on, Lizzie.......
E xx
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
Wrap up in a duvet
14st 8lb. Today is a day when I feel like lying on the sofa, wrapped in a duvet, watching a soppy film whilst dipping a Mars bar into a mug of hot chocolate.
You will be relieved to know that instead I have made a cup of tea and am writing this, which distracts me from food. I really need to go off into a corner, have a good cry and get it out of my system. This may be easier if I knew what "it" was. I am in a miserable, self pitying mood (as you may have gathered) and feel stuck in a rut. Nothing is working right - my diet, my work, the children, my health. I am absolutely knackered which, of course, does not help my mood. I had more than usual amount of sleep at the weekend but perhaps, like my diet, the journey down and back out weighed the benefit of being good in between. Work is hectic and whatever I do never seems to be quite good enough. The children break up for half term tomorrow and last night gaily asked what we were doing during the holidays - I am working god knows how many hours until next Friday when I'll be so tired I'll be neither use nor ornament, as the saying goes. In addition, it is "Think Pink" day (Breast Cancer) at school tomorrow and they need to dress in pink - they are not really pink girls and the only pink T-shirt I possess is an Ann Summers one that I was given with something obsene on the front - certainly not suitable for school! I will have to do a mercy dash to Tescos. I am suffering the guilt complex of the working mother. To compound the problems, I had to go to the doctor this morning as my bad leg is horrible - I am now on two strong antibiotics for a fortnight to combat cellulitis (so give it three days and I'll have thrush to add to my woes!)
Do you know, I feel better already! A good moan to cyberspace has done some good.
So, to today. I have eaten sensibly and, although not even remotely in the mood, had a good hour's walk with the dog. I should have felt lifted by the glorious colours in the woods and the fact that it wasn't raining as had been forecast, but I didn't. Lucy chased rabbits (to no avail thankfully) and generally ran around just happy to be out. She found a number of dry, crisp rabbit carcasses to relish (my mother calls them rabbit jerky) - why do dogs take such pleasure from such revolting fayre? I almost took on extra protein of my own, in the form of a fairly large spider which must have chosen to swing from a branch at the exact moment that I huffed and puffed my way up the hill towards the stile - as I took a deep breath the spider must have been sucked into the vacuum and splatted onto my tonsils. The poor, very polite looking couple who had the misfortune to arrive at the other side of the stile, looked totally alarmed to find me frantically trying to expel the creature in a most unladylike manner! It was revolting but worked - I'm afraid the spider is no more but at least I am not going to be kept awake imagining the wriggling and multiplication of an active arachnid!
Tonight I am going to a hand bag party - having paid my accountants, the electricity bill, two large car repair bills in addition to the usual household expenses this month, I can't afford a new purse, never mind a new hand bag. However, she's a great friend and entertaining host, so I shall go and help with refreshments (without eating them all) - perhaps I'll skip supper and just go for red wine?!
Tomorrow is another day.
E xx
You will be relieved to know that instead I have made a cup of tea and am writing this, which distracts me from food. I really need to go off into a corner, have a good cry and get it out of my system. This may be easier if I knew what "it" was. I am in a miserable, self pitying mood (as you may have gathered) and feel stuck in a rut. Nothing is working right - my diet, my work, the children, my health. I am absolutely knackered which, of course, does not help my mood. I had more than usual amount of sleep at the weekend but perhaps, like my diet, the journey down and back out weighed the benefit of being good in between. Work is hectic and whatever I do never seems to be quite good enough. The children break up for half term tomorrow and last night gaily asked what we were doing during the holidays - I am working god knows how many hours until next Friday when I'll be so tired I'll be neither use nor ornament, as the saying goes. In addition, it is "Think Pink" day (Breast Cancer) at school tomorrow and they need to dress in pink - they are not really pink girls and the only pink T-shirt I possess is an Ann Summers one that I was given with something obsene on the front - certainly not suitable for school! I will have to do a mercy dash to Tescos. I am suffering the guilt complex of the working mother. To compound the problems, I had to go to the doctor this morning as my bad leg is horrible - I am now on two strong antibiotics for a fortnight to combat cellulitis (so give it three days and I'll have thrush to add to my woes!)
Do you know, I feel better already! A good moan to cyberspace has done some good.
So, to today. I have eaten sensibly and, although not even remotely in the mood, had a good hour's walk with the dog. I should have felt lifted by the glorious colours in the woods and the fact that it wasn't raining as had been forecast, but I didn't. Lucy chased rabbits (to no avail thankfully) and generally ran around just happy to be out. She found a number of dry, crisp rabbit carcasses to relish (my mother calls them rabbit jerky) - why do dogs take such pleasure from such revolting fayre? I almost took on extra protein of my own, in the form of a fairly large spider which must have chosen to swing from a branch at the exact moment that I huffed and puffed my way up the hill towards the stile - as I took a deep breath the spider must have been sucked into the vacuum and splatted onto my tonsils. The poor, very polite looking couple who had the misfortune to arrive at the other side of the stile, looked totally alarmed to find me frantically trying to expel the creature in a most unladylike manner! It was revolting but worked - I'm afraid the spider is no more but at least I am not going to be kept awake imagining the wriggling and multiplication of an active arachnid!
Tonight I am going to a hand bag party - having paid my accountants, the electricity bill, two large car repair bills in addition to the usual household expenses this month, I can't afford a new purse, never mind a new hand bag. However, she's a great friend and entertaining host, so I shall go and help with refreshments (without eating them all) - perhaps I'll skip supper and just go for red wine?!
Tomorrow is another day.
E xx
Tuesday, 20 October 2009
Spatial awareness
Quick one tonight as I'm tired, in a grotty mood and smell like a deep fat fryer (from work).
14st8lb. Still. Hummm. No time for exercise as it was a long day at work. Tomorrow however, I am going to go out with the dog for a good walk before I set off to work (if I leave it until afterwards, I always have too much to do in too little time).
Tonight I popped into a friend's after work as she wanted my opinion on some carpet samples. Her husband was trying to convince her that they had plenty of wallpaper left on the roll to finish the wall. I said that he definitely didn't have enough. We even tried to bet against it with dinner at a particularly good restaurant but he wasn't falling for that one. Anyway, I was right. There wasn't enough.
I should have warned him, I am very spatially aware. I can judge whether things can fit into a space and am a very adept parker of car. As a child, my mother used to make blancmanche rabbits for tea, which were a favourite. As there were 4 children (5 eventually but my little brother was an after thought) competition was fierce. The argument was always about who could have the head or the bob tail. However, I never joined in the bickering. I knew from a very early age, that the main body of the rabbit contained the most delicious, creamy, pink blancmanche. Who wants the scrawny little head when you can have a big fat body!! (Bearing in mind, I was a scrawny little kid.)
Anyway, the bath is calling. I will write properly tomorrow. I may even make my confession for you.
E xx
14st8lb. Still. Hummm. No time for exercise as it was a long day at work. Tomorrow however, I am going to go out with the dog for a good walk before I set off to work (if I leave it until afterwards, I always have too much to do in too little time).
Tonight I popped into a friend's after work as she wanted my opinion on some carpet samples. Her husband was trying to convince her that they had plenty of wallpaper left on the roll to finish the wall. I said that he definitely didn't have enough. We even tried to bet against it with dinner at a particularly good restaurant but he wasn't falling for that one. Anyway, I was right. There wasn't enough.
I should have warned him, I am very spatially aware. I can judge whether things can fit into a space and am a very adept parker of car. As a child, my mother used to make blancmanche rabbits for tea, which were a favourite. As there were 4 children (5 eventually but my little brother was an after thought) competition was fierce. The argument was always about who could have the head or the bob tail. However, I never joined in the bickering. I knew from a very early age, that the main body of the rabbit contained the most delicious, creamy, pink blancmanche. Who wants the scrawny little head when you can have a big fat body!! (Bearing in mind, I was a scrawny little kid.)
Anyway, the bath is calling. I will write properly tomorrow. I may even make my confession for you.
E xx
Monday, 19 October 2009
Please bear with me
or should that be bare? I think bear.
14st 8lb. This is an outrage on the scale of when I went to Leeds at the beginning of my quest. Have you ever felt you are living life swimming through treacle - well, this is me, stuck in this rut of pathetic weight loss. I'm fed up - you must be fed up. By Friday, I resolve to be back where I was a week ago. God, this weight loss is hard work and a strain on resourses.
Anyway, I have loads to talk about after 5 days away. Some light hearted, some more serious so take what you like from it. Where to start? At the very beginning, as it says in the song.
Last Thursday, I set off to Cornwall. I went into work before 7am and had a very busy day. I made myself have a roast pork dinner as I knew I had a long drive ahead of me - I had no potatoes and only a little gravy. I set off at 4pm, dreading the drive - get on the motorway at Lancaster and, in theory, remain on it to Plymouth - sooooo boring! I would love to say that I only ate the orange and banana that I thoughtfully packed but no, I'm sorry but I would be lying. I actually ate: one banana, one cheese and tomato roll, one pack of sesame seed snaps, 1/2 bag of fruit pastilles, one scone (left over from work - should have thrown it away), one regular cappucino, a Bounty bar (ok, I admit it, a trio - but at least I didn't fall for the "buy 2 for £1.20 offer). What is it about the car? Is it the privacy? You are in your own little world and no one can see you? I get in it and start planning my snacks - I know I shouldn't have let any of it over the threshold but I am a disgrace. I drive along setting targets for when I am allowed to eat my next item. "You can have the other half of that Bounty when you have passed two service stations" - it never works, I've always scoffed it before I pass the first. Thank God I am not a sales rep - I would be the size of a house. I will make a BIG confession later in the week about not being able to resist temptation.
Well, I made steady progress through the various road works and passed Exeter at 10.15pm looking forward to a cup of tea and the electric blanket which had been left on in anticipation of my arrival. I went into roadworks, started to go up a hill and went to change gear - strange grinding noise. Tried again - worse grinding noise. I'm on the M5 and coming to a halt - it's dark and drizzling and my car has stopped in the middle of the M5. Not a good place to be. I let the car free wheel back into the cordoned off bit and rang the AA. "We can't help you until you are in a safe place. Get out of your car. Stand in the central reservation. Put the phone down and ring the police. They will get you out". Thankfully a very nice chap on the other carriageway stopped and arranged for a truck to come and "retrieve" me. They came and took me to Exeter racecourse car park where they left me - pitch black, huge car park and one other car with a man inside. He gets out and tells me he's been waiting for two and a half hours to be recovered. "Don't want to sound funny" he says, "but my car is warm and I have a radio. I'm perfectly safe". Now, I'm not being funny, but is he really going to get out and announce that he's the local pervert. Add to that fact, my car may look like a heap but it does have a heater and a radio too. I ask what is wrong with his car. He has a burst tyre. Hmm. Two and a half hours with a flat tyre. He's safe! Eventually, I am recovered, taken to a local garage (with the clutch gone apparently) given a hire car and finally reach the extremely hot bed at 2.15am. Not the journey I had planned.
However, I awake to a beautiful morning and, partly due to excessive guilt at the food fest in which I had partaken on my journey down, I decide to walk the four miles to Granny's. It involves 2 miles down little roads to Talland Bay and then a further couple of miles along the cliff path to Polperro. It was glorious, invigorating and the perfect start to the day. More of cliff walks later.
I was expecting a change in Gran. I had been warned of change in Gran.
I was not prepared for the change in my Gran. My beautiful Granny is in a tiny, frail, skeletal frame. It is a shock to see someone so diminished. Her vibrancy is gone. She is exhausted with life. How can you continue to sleep when all you do is sleep? We chatted then she dozed. I held her hand and watched her. We reminisced about friends, relatives and happy childhood days. I told her about the girls and their busy lives. She told me I looked healthy, lovely and well. I felt it. She said she has missed my Grandpa every day for over 33 years and is ready to see him again - I feel almost happy for her in a sense.
On the food front, ignoring the excesses of the journey down, I did very well. On Friday I had the delicious crab salad I had been promised, then for supper a chicken leg without the skin. On Saturday, I had muesli for breakfast, Mum's soup for lunch and salmon with roasted vegetables for supper. On Sunday, I had muesli for breakfast, chicken leg and vegetables for lunch...and then a bit of a fest on the way back north...but not as bad as the journey down!
As well as being healthy on the eating front, I had good exercise in long walks with Mum's dog. I am a Yorkshire girl at heart and love Wensleydale. However, there is something so restorative about walking on the cliffs. For me, it is the mixing of elements. Unusually the sea was calm and the sky a vast expanse of blue. It was utterly beautiful and just what I needed to contemplate Granny and life in general. Even in mid October, there were acres of creamy, musky scented honeysuckle, intertwined with brambles and autumnal bracken. In the hedgerows, there were still campions, knapweed, dog daisies, wild thyme and sage. It feeds your senses. I found myself wondering how anyone could go shopping or attend a car boot sale on a Sunday - what a waste of time to restore the rhythm to your life after a busy week.
So, all in all, inspite of two naughty car journeys, I did not deserve a 3lb gain. I am going to weigh myself daily this week to make sure I get back down. It has to be a blip. I have to get moving.
14st 8lb. This is an outrage on the scale of when I went to Leeds at the beginning of my quest. Have you ever felt you are living life swimming through treacle - well, this is me, stuck in this rut of pathetic weight loss. I'm fed up - you must be fed up. By Friday, I resolve to be back where I was a week ago. God, this weight loss is hard work and a strain on resourses.
Anyway, I have loads to talk about after 5 days away. Some light hearted, some more serious so take what you like from it. Where to start? At the very beginning, as it says in the song.
Last Thursday, I set off to Cornwall. I went into work before 7am and had a very busy day. I made myself have a roast pork dinner as I knew I had a long drive ahead of me - I had no potatoes and only a little gravy. I set off at 4pm, dreading the drive - get on the motorway at Lancaster and, in theory, remain on it to Plymouth - sooooo boring! I would love to say that I only ate the orange and banana that I thoughtfully packed but no, I'm sorry but I would be lying. I actually ate: one banana, one cheese and tomato roll, one pack of sesame seed snaps, 1/2 bag of fruit pastilles, one scone (left over from work - should have thrown it away), one regular cappucino, a Bounty bar (ok, I admit it, a trio - but at least I didn't fall for the "buy 2 for £1.20 offer). What is it about the car? Is it the privacy? You are in your own little world and no one can see you? I get in it and start planning my snacks - I know I shouldn't have let any of it over the threshold but I am a disgrace. I drive along setting targets for when I am allowed to eat my next item. "You can have the other half of that Bounty when you have passed two service stations" - it never works, I've always scoffed it before I pass the first. Thank God I am not a sales rep - I would be the size of a house. I will make a BIG confession later in the week about not being able to resist temptation.
Well, I made steady progress through the various road works and passed Exeter at 10.15pm looking forward to a cup of tea and the electric blanket which had been left on in anticipation of my arrival. I went into roadworks, started to go up a hill and went to change gear - strange grinding noise. Tried again - worse grinding noise. I'm on the M5 and coming to a halt - it's dark and drizzling and my car has stopped in the middle of the M5. Not a good place to be. I let the car free wheel back into the cordoned off bit and rang the AA. "We can't help you until you are in a safe place. Get out of your car. Stand in the central reservation. Put the phone down and ring the police. They will get you out". Thankfully a very nice chap on the other carriageway stopped and arranged for a truck to come and "retrieve" me. They came and took me to Exeter racecourse car park where they left me - pitch black, huge car park and one other car with a man inside. He gets out and tells me he's been waiting for two and a half hours to be recovered. "Don't want to sound funny" he says, "but my car is warm and I have a radio. I'm perfectly safe". Now, I'm not being funny, but is he really going to get out and announce that he's the local pervert. Add to that fact, my car may look like a heap but it does have a heater and a radio too. I ask what is wrong with his car. He has a burst tyre. Hmm. Two and a half hours with a flat tyre. He's safe! Eventually, I am recovered, taken to a local garage (with the clutch gone apparently) given a hire car and finally reach the extremely hot bed at 2.15am. Not the journey I had planned.
However, I awake to a beautiful morning and, partly due to excessive guilt at the food fest in which I had partaken on my journey down, I decide to walk the four miles to Granny's. It involves 2 miles down little roads to Talland Bay and then a further couple of miles along the cliff path to Polperro. It was glorious, invigorating and the perfect start to the day. More of cliff walks later.
I was expecting a change in Gran. I had been warned of change in Gran.
I was not prepared for the change in my Gran. My beautiful Granny is in a tiny, frail, skeletal frame. It is a shock to see someone so diminished. Her vibrancy is gone. She is exhausted with life. How can you continue to sleep when all you do is sleep? We chatted then she dozed. I held her hand and watched her. We reminisced about friends, relatives and happy childhood days. I told her about the girls and their busy lives. She told me I looked healthy, lovely and well. I felt it. She said she has missed my Grandpa every day for over 33 years and is ready to see him again - I feel almost happy for her in a sense.
On the food front, ignoring the excesses of the journey down, I did very well. On Friday I had the delicious crab salad I had been promised, then for supper a chicken leg without the skin. On Saturday, I had muesli for breakfast, Mum's soup for lunch and salmon with roasted vegetables for supper. On Sunday, I had muesli for breakfast, chicken leg and vegetables for lunch...and then a bit of a fest on the way back north...but not as bad as the journey down!
As well as being healthy on the eating front, I had good exercise in long walks with Mum's dog. I am a Yorkshire girl at heart and love Wensleydale. However, there is something so restorative about walking on the cliffs. For me, it is the mixing of elements. Unusually the sea was calm and the sky a vast expanse of blue. It was utterly beautiful and just what I needed to contemplate Granny and life in general. Even in mid October, there were acres of creamy, musky scented honeysuckle, intertwined with brambles and autumnal bracken. In the hedgerows, there were still campions, knapweed, dog daisies, wild thyme and sage. It feeds your senses. I found myself wondering how anyone could go shopping or attend a car boot sale on a Sunday - what a waste of time to restore the rhythm to your life after a busy week.
So, all in all, inspite of two naughty car journeys, I did not deserve a 3lb gain. I am going to weigh myself daily this week to make sure I get back down. It has to be a blip. I have to get moving.
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
off for a few days
14st 5lb. Weighed myself today, partly to check and partly as I am off to Cornwall tomorrow until Sunday. The rest of the family couldn't survive without the computer so I'll be out of range for the time.
I am going to see my Mum who is looking after my Granny as she is ill. I adore my Granny. She is beautiful, petite (is now a little bird) and has the softest, downiest skin - I used to love to stroke her face as a little girl. However, she is my worst critic. I remember, many years ago, going down to see my great uncle (her brother) who was in the very latter stages of bowel cancer - I hadn't announced I was coming and when I walked through the door, without even saying hello, she said with her lovely Cornish lilt, "oh my dear, you've put so much weight on your face". I retorted with, "I've put a lot on my bottom as well, if you care to look!" Sadly, she is very poorly and frail and, with luck, will simply be pleased to see me and not have the inclination to judge!
Now usually a trip to Polperro means a trip to Looe for warm, just out of the oven, proper Cornish pasties. It's the smell. Believe me, on a clear cold day there is nothing better than sitting on a beach listening to the rhythmic beat of the waves against the beach, pasties warming your hands, just quietly in tune with nature. As children we would run off to explore the rock pools looking for shannies and crabs; search for hours on the beach for my favourite shells (cowries); dig at the top of the beach until we reached water and then tunnel a trench down to the water's edge. At the end of it all, we would run back to Granny and her basket of goodies and tuck into a pasty before setting off to start all over again. Happy days!
This time, no pasties. No pillowy soft splits (little white bread buns) with Gran's raspberry jam and clotted cream. Mum & I are both dieting and have promised not to mislead each other. She has however, arranged a fresh crab salad at the wonderful restaurant across the road ("The Kitchen" if you're ever in Polperro - simply the best!) which will be a perfect Cornish treat.
I will plan for the journey with fruit and a sandwich. I will fill the car with petrol so there is no need for a service station stop. Car journeys are so boring and the temptation to eat is so strong. I will resist. I will report a loss on Monday when I get back.
The cliff path is calling me for some bracing walks!
E xx
I am going to see my Mum who is looking after my Granny as she is ill. I adore my Granny. She is beautiful, petite (is now a little bird) and has the softest, downiest skin - I used to love to stroke her face as a little girl. However, she is my worst critic. I remember, many years ago, going down to see my great uncle (her brother) who was in the very latter stages of bowel cancer - I hadn't announced I was coming and when I walked through the door, without even saying hello, she said with her lovely Cornish lilt, "oh my dear, you've put so much weight on your face". I retorted with, "I've put a lot on my bottom as well, if you care to look!" Sadly, she is very poorly and frail and, with luck, will simply be pleased to see me and not have the inclination to judge!
Now usually a trip to Polperro means a trip to Looe for warm, just out of the oven, proper Cornish pasties. It's the smell. Believe me, on a clear cold day there is nothing better than sitting on a beach listening to the rhythmic beat of the waves against the beach, pasties warming your hands, just quietly in tune with nature. As children we would run off to explore the rock pools looking for shannies and crabs; search for hours on the beach for my favourite shells (cowries); dig at the top of the beach until we reached water and then tunnel a trench down to the water's edge. At the end of it all, we would run back to Granny and her basket of goodies and tuck into a pasty before setting off to start all over again. Happy days!
This time, no pasties. No pillowy soft splits (little white bread buns) with Gran's raspberry jam and clotted cream. Mum & I are both dieting and have promised not to mislead each other. She has however, arranged a fresh crab salad at the wonderful restaurant across the road ("The Kitchen" if you're ever in Polperro - simply the best!) which will be a perfect Cornish treat.
I will plan for the journey with fruit and a sandwich. I will fill the car with petrol so there is no need for a service station stop. Car journeys are so boring and the temptation to eat is so strong. I will resist. I will report a loss on Monday when I get back.
The cliff path is calling me for some bracing walks!
E xx
Tuesday, 13 October 2009
The H E diet
14st 5lb. Goody, goody on the way down!
Life is far from boring at the moment as it doesn't allow a moment to be bored, but it could be a little tedious for a blog reader. Basically, it follows this pattern:
4.30am-7am, depending on when I need to be at work. Get up, shower, breakfast, sort girls, scrabble around various pots for dinner money, send them off to school.
Daytime: Work like mad in very busy kitchens.
On a normal day at 3.30-5pm. Go home, make supper, eat supper, sort homework or ironing or cleaning (very rarely sadly - the "deep clean fairy" urgently needs to pay a visit).
8pm-10pm-ish. Collapse in a heap, try to requisition the remote control, answer emails etc, make any necessary phonecalls and, sadly, play scrabble on facebook if I have time.
11pm ish Go to bed. Rarely asleep before midnight.
See, where is the excitment in that? You don't want to know what I had to eat, other than it was not too bad but not my best day either. I was despairing as to what little nugget of interest I could find for you today. Racing towards the end of the day, it came, in the last furlong, from my delightful Uncle David. He is an elegant, true gentleman who loves life, thoroughly appreciates good food and wine and is himself a superb cook. At various times in his life, he has had to take his expanding girth in hand. At present, he is trying the smaller portion, smaller plate method of intake reduction. He told me tonight that his father (who also loved good food) used to, from time to time, follow the "H.E." diet. When I asked what it is, he said the "Halve Everything" diet. Now, when you think about it, that is an instant way to cut calories with absolutely no deprivation (which must be the downfall of virtually every diet) - you can still have a succulent fillet steak with a creamy brandied sauce but half the amount. I could live with that! It would perhaps have room in my dieting world for my "naughty" days - days when only sugary food will fill the void. If you really can't resist that slice of banoffe pie, have it, but only indulge in a small piece instead of the usual chunk. I could see this working. Not that I intend to succumb anyway, but, if I do, a little restraint can't harm can it?
Thank you Uncle David for that food for thought.
E xx
Life is far from boring at the moment as it doesn't allow a moment to be bored, but it could be a little tedious for a blog reader. Basically, it follows this pattern:
4.30am-7am, depending on when I need to be at work. Get up, shower, breakfast, sort girls, scrabble around various pots for dinner money, send them off to school.
Daytime: Work like mad in very busy kitchens.
On a normal day at 3.30-5pm. Go home, make supper, eat supper, sort homework or ironing or cleaning (very rarely sadly - the "deep clean fairy" urgently needs to pay a visit).
8pm-10pm-ish. Collapse in a heap, try to requisition the remote control, answer emails etc, make any necessary phonecalls and, sadly, play scrabble on facebook if I have time.
11pm ish Go to bed. Rarely asleep before midnight.
See, where is the excitment in that? You don't want to know what I had to eat, other than it was not too bad but not my best day either. I was despairing as to what little nugget of interest I could find for you today. Racing towards the end of the day, it came, in the last furlong, from my delightful Uncle David. He is an elegant, true gentleman who loves life, thoroughly appreciates good food and wine and is himself a superb cook. At various times in his life, he has had to take his expanding girth in hand. At present, he is trying the smaller portion, smaller plate method of intake reduction. He told me tonight that his father (who also loved good food) used to, from time to time, follow the "H.E." diet. When I asked what it is, he said the "Halve Everything" diet. Now, when you think about it, that is an instant way to cut calories with absolutely no deprivation (which must be the downfall of virtually every diet) - you can still have a succulent fillet steak with a creamy brandied sauce but half the amount. I could live with that! It would perhaps have room in my dieting world for my "naughty" days - days when only sugary food will fill the void. If you really can't resist that slice of banoffe pie, have it, but only indulge in a small piece instead of the usual chunk. I could see this working. Not that I intend to succumb anyway, but, if I do, a little restraint can't harm can it?
Thank you Uncle David for that food for thought.
E xx
Monday, 12 October 2009
On top of the world!
No weigh in until tomorrow but I am hopeful, even though it is the wrong TOTM. I am totally "in the zone" now and dieting at the moment is no effort. Today I woke and had muesli with natural yoghurt, a large bowl of ratatouille for lunch and a baked chicken breast with roasted tomatoes out of the garden and roasted butternut squash, followed by an orange. I am not drinking more than two cups of tea a day. I still haven't remembered to drink ordinary water.
My tiny naughty was picking the bits of boiled over apple from the edge of the apple crumble dish - it is just so sticky, sweet and tempting! I did draw the line at eating a portion of the actual apple crumble.
I went to work which was busy but uneventful. When I got home, I had half an hour before the girls got home from school, so I left a note and took Lucy up to the woods for a walk. It has been a beautiful clear autumn day, with crisp leaves crunching underfoot. It makes you happy to be alive and was a total contrast to my walk last week.
I am concentrating my efforts on not eating much bread or using milk so, although I am no longer detoxing, I am still in fairly strict diet mode. I feel fitter, certainly slimmer and generally healthier. I hope it continues! If I was starting my diet now, I would make sure I took the alarming measurements from all my gross bits so that I could monitor actual reduction - I think I would be making good progress, especially from my waist. The friends with whom we were out on Saturday night sent the photo on the left through - I don't look gross which is something for me to admit!
E xx
My tiny naughty was picking the bits of boiled over apple from the edge of the apple crumble dish - it is just so sticky, sweet and tempting! I did draw the line at eating a portion of the actual apple crumble.
I went to work which was busy but uneventful. When I got home, I had half an hour before the girls got home from school, so I left a note and took Lucy up to the woods for a walk. It has been a beautiful clear autumn day, with crisp leaves crunching underfoot. It makes you happy to be alive and was a total contrast to my walk last week.
I am concentrating my efforts on not eating much bread or using milk so, although I am no longer detoxing, I am still in fairly strict diet mode. I feel fitter, certainly slimmer and generally healthier. I hope it continues! If I was starting my diet now, I would make sure I took the alarming measurements from all my gross bits so that I could monitor actual reduction - I think I would be making good progress, especially from my waist. The friends with whom we were out on Saturday night sent the photo on the left through - I don't look gross which is something for me to admit!
E xx
Sunday, 11 October 2009
Is dieting anti-social?
14st 6lb. I know it wasn't a weigh in day but I decided that I was so encouraged by Friday that I would sneak a peak - this time genuine and constant, so valid. Now I'm over half way down the stone towards being in the 13's - it is so exciting!
I did really well at work yesterday and had grapefruit for breakfast and a hard boiled egg with a chopped tomato for lunch. I drank lemon water all day barring one cup of tea. This compromise suits me better - interspersing a healthy fruit tea or lemon water with my normal rations. I still need to win the battle to drink water as habit - after 44 years I suppose it is a hard nut to crack.
Last night, as I had said, we went to friends for dinner. It was a really good evening, including the girls which was great. There were nibbley bits with drinks which was easy as there were peppers and carrot sticks for dipping so I just ignored the dips and a mix of unsalted cashew nuts and walnuts which are perfectly acceptable to detoxing. I ignored the crisps and peanuts. So far, so good. I had a glass of crisp, chilled, dry champagne which was definitely fat free the last time I looked and doesn't taste very sugary - and quite frankly, I am so rarely offered champagne these days that I would have accepted it whatever the contents. Supermodels sup champagne and they are all stick thin. Dinner was self serve chicken with a delicious mushroom & cider sauce and vegetables. At least then you can fill alot of the plate with vegetables and no one notices what you are eating. Pudding was not so successful (it was in the eating, just not for the diet) - a warm almond & plum tart and banoffe pie - I only had a small piece (of each) but it would have been rude not to have. Since I had already been naughty, I couldn't resist 2 biscuits with delicious, tart blue cheese followed by two chocolate mints.
Which brings me to our Sunday topic - is dieting anti-social? I conclude that, yes it is. As I intimated in my last session, my partner is averse to me eating a different meal from the rest of the family (which I try not to do, but steak & kidney pie with a luscious suet crust pastry served with creamy mash and rich gravy is definitely not on the menu for any dieter!). I think going out to dinner at a restaurant is definitely an easier option than going to friends as you can, without mentioning anything or making a fuss, order sensibly from the menu and I always find, in a group of 8 diners, there are at least a couple who decline a pudding so you don't stand out (admittedly, I am never one of the two, but there's always a first time!). Going to friends is a different matter altogether and I'm afraid I've concluded that you just have to forget it (within reason) for the night. The alternative is to cause discomfort among your fellow diners and of course, the host. The real world (outside the diet bubble) involves a variety of foods and levels of fattening-ness and we have to learn to balance them into our daily lives. A high calorie meal can be counter balanced the following day by relative abstinence and therefore, enjoyed with everyone else on the night. My brother, who calls my blog "your witterings", goes on holiday for example, knowing full well that he is most likely to gain about half a stone. He accepts this and acknowledges that it is the price he will pay for thoroughly enjoying every meal out, freely consuming good wine and snacking in a way that he wouldn't at home. When he gets home, however, he immediately gets "back on the horse" and works for the next few weeks to take the excess off. It commands discipline (which isn't my strong point) but does release you from any potential problems that may occur when socialising.
I do tend to offer to drive which, though may seem boring, does remove the chance to consume copious calories in the form of alcohol (although when younger I used to find significant amounts of vodka led to a fascinatingly flat stomach!). Although it is in my nature to home in on the nibbles, setting yourself on the opposite side of the room from the truly tempting ones is one solution. There is something about nibbles that is just so moreish and once you have one, another is inevitably going to follow - it must be because you are ready for dinner and peckish.
I am sure there is nothing more boring than someone twittering on about being on a diet (in fact, thinking about it, I have been wondering why all my friends have a kind of similar glazed expression at the moment - I thought it was a virus that I had been lucky to avoid but maybe......could it be...me...and my diet....blog..???).
So come on fellow dieters, let's get a note of realism into the proceedings. If you can avoid "forbidden fruits" without making anyone else feel awkward then do, but if you can't, don't beat yourself up about it. Don't clean up all the nibbles just because they're there and you haven't had any for weeks. Try not to eat all the chocolates on the plate (especially if you're a bit p**ssed). Do not ask for the plate of chocs/cheese etc to be passed to you - if it's sitting in front of you, you know you will not resist.
Lastly, the following morning, you can not have a fry up for breakfast just because you "broke" your diet the previous evening! You are not a failure and are still dieting.
A good week coming up, I feel.
E xx
PS. Nothing to do with dieting but, is it only me or can only women put loo rolls on the holder?
I did really well at work yesterday and had grapefruit for breakfast and a hard boiled egg with a chopped tomato for lunch. I drank lemon water all day barring one cup of tea. This compromise suits me better - interspersing a healthy fruit tea or lemon water with my normal rations. I still need to win the battle to drink water as habit - after 44 years I suppose it is a hard nut to crack.
Last night, as I had said, we went to friends for dinner. It was a really good evening, including the girls which was great. There were nibbley bits with drinks which was easy as there were peppers and carrot sticks for dipping so I just ignored the dips and a mix of unsalted cashew nuts and walnuts which are perfectly acceptable to detoxing. I ignored the crisps and peanuts. So far, so good. I had a glass of crisp, chilled, dry champagne which was definitely fat free the last time I looked and doesn't taste very sugary - and quite frankly, I am so rarely offered champagne these days that I would have accepted it whatever the contents. Supermodels sup champagne and they are all stick thin. Dinner was self serve chicken with a delicious mushroom & cider sauce and vegetables. At least then you can fill alot of the plate with vegetables and no one notices what you are eating. Pudding was not so successful (it was in the eating, just not for the diet) - a warm almond & plum tart and banoffe pie - I only had a small piece (of each) but it would have been rude not to have. Since I had already been naughty, I couldn't resist 2 biscuits with delicious, tart blue cheese followed by two chocolate mints.
Which brings me to our Sunday topic - is dieting anti-social? I conclude that, yes it is. As I intimated in my last session, my partner is averse to me eating a different meal from the rest of the family (which I try not to do, but steak & kidney pie with a luscious suet crust pastry served with creamy mash and rich gravy is definitely not on the menu for any dieter!). I think going out to dinner at a restaurant is definitely an easier option than going to friends as you can, without mentioning anything or making a fuss, order sensibly from the menu and I always find, in a group of 8 diners, there are at least a couple who decline a pudding so you don't stand out (admittedly, I am never one of the two, but there's always a first time!). Going to friends is a different matter altogether and I'm afraid I've concluded that you just have to forget it (within reason) for the night. The alternative is to cause discomfort among your fellow diners and of course, the host. The real world (outside the diet bubble) involves a variety of foods and levels of fattening-ness and we have to learn to balance them into our daily lives. A high calorie meal can be counter balanced the following day by relative abstinence and therefore, enjoyed with everyone else on the night. My brother, who calls my blog "your witterings", goes on holiday for example, knowing full well that he is most likely to gain about half a stone. He accepts this and acknowledges that it is the price he will pay for thoroughly enjoying every meal out, freely consuming good wine and snacking in a way that he wouldn't at home. When he gets home, however, he immediately gets "back on the horse" and works for the next few weeks to take the excess off. It commands discipline (which isn't my strong point) but does release you from any potential problems that may occur when socialising.
I do tend to offer to drive which, though may seem boring, does remove the chance to consume copious calories in the form of alcohol (although when younger I used to find significant amounts of vodka led to a fascinatingly flat stomach!). Although it is in my nature to home in on the nibbles, setting yourself on the opposite side of the room from the truly tempting ones is one solution. There is something about nibbles that is just so moreish and once you have one, another is inevitably going to follow - it must be because you are ready for dinner and peckish.
I am sure there is nothing more boring than someone twittering on about being on a diet (in fact, thinking about it, I have been wondering why all my friends have a kind of similar glazed expression at the moment - I thought it was a virus that I had been lucky to avoid but maybe......could it be...me...and my diet....blog..???).
So come on fellow dieters, let's get a note of realism into the proceedings. If you can avoid "forbidden fruits" without making anyone else feel awkward then do, but if you can't, don't beat yourself up about it. Don't clean up all the nibbles just because they're there and you haven't had any for weeks. Try not to eat all the chocolates on the plate (especially if you're a bit p**ssed). Do not ask for the plate of chocs/cheese etc to be passed to you - if it's sitting in front of you, you know you will not resist.
Lastly, the following morning, you can not have a fry up for breakfast just because you "broke" your diet the previous evening! You are not a failure and are still dieting.
A good week coming up, I feel.
E xx
PS. Nothing to do with dieting but, is it only me or can only women put loo rolls on the holder?
Friday, 9 October 2009
Good, it's shifting
14st7lb. I stood on the scales five times - I had 2x14st7lb and 2x14st6lb. It was tempting just to opt for the 14st6lb (which did come up first, oh ye of little faith!) and decided to do a "best of five". So, I didn't quite make the target for this week but the detox has definitely helped.
Yes, I missed yesterday. I had planned to work all morning, clean at least a small part of this truly filthy house and then go for a walk with Lucy. I ended up doing the first two but then the garage phoned to say my car was ready for collection but would I like an oil change? I managed to get a lift to the garage to collect it - only to sit for one and a half hours for it to be actually ready to take. I hadn't grabbed a coat and so was chilled to the bone by the time I left. So, I missed walking the dog.
Food wise I have done really well for the last two days and haven't found it difficult. For lunch I made vegetable soup with onion, carrots, sweet potatoes, veg stock cube and then coriander added at the end. For supper, I bought everything I needed for a stir fry (onion, fresh ginger, broccoli, baby corn, mange toute, spinach, beansprouts, celery, prawns) and then decided to have the same for supper tonight as they are quite big packets and I would end up wasting too much. Anyway, it was very enjoyable and will be repeated. It makes such a colourful, attactive meal and is really filling. I haven't eaten meat for 3 days which I think is a first. I have been drinking water and lemon water and haven't had a single cup of tea.
The downside of this detox is that I had the most horrendous headache all day yesterday and a mildly nagging one today. Apparently this is normal. It's the lack of tea. It's not worth it and I have to confess to having made myself a cup to sit and write. It is perfect. I can't give it up and have therefore concluded that, what is the point of stopping now.
I wish I could say I felt fantastic. I don't. I ended up having "issues" with his nibs last night. I went to my monthly book group (I hadn't read the book for the second month running which was a little embarrassing) and when I got back, with the resident rotten headache, I said I was going for a bath. He instantly perks up and says, "Leave the water in, darling, and I'll follow you" with meaningful intonation. Sadly for him, a long, hot bath followed by an electric blanket heated bed only meant one thing for me - much needed sleep! Not a happy bunny!
The upshot of this mild altercation is I have concluded that he doesn't really like me dieting. He said yesterday that I have got my flat stomach now (less lumpy might be more acurate!) so why did I need to continue? The small matter of the shelf like backside which is still behind me, or simply the fact that I am still clinically obese? I know it irritates him when I sit down to eat a different meal (but I really can't slip toad in the hole with mashed potatoes & onion gravy into a detox, or indeed any, diet - I could do the vegetables but that wouldn't be entirely satisfying). Tonight he said that he is fully supportive of my dieting and has never said "I don't know why you bother, you'll never do it". Hummm, I don't recognize this support.
Anyway, I have decided to be a little less obvious about being on a diet. I am certainly not giving up. I am well back in the zone.
Big day at work tomorrow and then home to quickly degrease before going out to friends. She knows I'm trying hard so I'm hoping she has catered sympathetically. I'll offer to drive so that I don't need to make excuses not to drink. I will try to get on line but it could be doubtful.
Happy days!
E xx
Yes, I missed yesterday. I had planned to work all morning, clean at least a small part of this truly filthy house and then go for a walk with Lucy. I ended up doing the first two but then the garage phoned to say my car was ready for collection but would I like an oil change? I managed to get a lift to the garage to collect it - only to sit for one and a half hours for it to be actually ready to take. I hadn't grabbed a coat and so was chilled to the bone by the time I left. So, I missed walking the dog.
Food wise I have done really well for the last two days and haven't found it difficult. For lunch I made vegetable soup with onion, carrots, sweet potatoes, veg stock cube and then coriander added at the end. For supper, I bought everything I needed for a stir fry (onion, fresh ginger, broccoli, baby corn, mange toute, spinach, beansprouts, celery, prawns) and then decided to have the same for supper tonight as they are quite big packets and I would end up wasting too much. Anyway, it was very enjoyable and will be repeated. It makes such a colourful, attactive meal and is really filling. I haven't eaten meat for 3 days which I think is a first. I have been drinking water and lemon water and haven't had a single cup of tea.
The downside of this detox is that I had the most horrendous headache all day yesterday and a mildly nagging one today. Apparently this is normal. It's the lack of tea. It's not worth it and I have to confess to having made myself a cup to sit and write. It is perfect. I can't give it up and have therefore concluded that, what is the point of stopping now.
I wish I could say I felt fantastic. I don't. I ended up having "issues" with his nibs last night. I went to my monthly book group (I hadn't read the book for the second month running which was a little embarrassing) and when I got back, with the resident rotten headache, I said I was going for a bath. He instantly perks up and says, "Leave the water in, darling, and I'll follow you" with meaningful intonation. Sadly for him, a long, hot bath followed by an electric blanket heated bed only meant one thing for me - much needed sleep! Not a happy bunny!
The upshot of this mild altercation is I have concluded that he doesn't really like me dieting. He said yesterday that I have got my flat stomach now (less lumpy might be more acurate!) so why did I need to continue? The small matter of the shelf like backside which is still behind me, or simply the fact that I am still clinically obese? I know it irritates him when I sit down to eat a different meal (but I really can't slip toad in the hole with mashed potatoes & onion gravy into a detox, or indeed any, diet - I could do the vegetables but that wouldn't be entirely satisfying). Tonight he said that he is fully supportive of my dieting and has never said "I don't know why you bother, you'll never do it". Hummm, I don't recognize this support.
Anyway, I have decided to be a little less obvious about being on a diet. I am certainly not giving up. I am well back in the zone.
Big day at work tomorrow and then home to quickly degrease before going out to friends. She knows I'm trying hard so I'm hoping she has catered sympathetically. I'll offer to drive so that I don't need to make excuses not to drink. I will try to get on line but it could be doubtful.
Happy days!
E xx
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
Back in "the zone" - almost!
No weigh in. I am saving myself for Friday by which time I will magically have shifted the 3lbs to take me to target for the week (14st 6lb).
I am officially back "in the zone", certainly in terms of eating and behaviour but I'm not quite there in terms of attitude. I woke up with little energy, forced myself out of bed and then forced sickly middle daughter into school uniform. She has already had two days off with a sore throat and chest infection and now just has a cold and cough which, lets face it, she could have until next April - the doctor said she shouldn't be off at all but I didn't have the heart to send her looking so poorly. Having said that, I did put her on the sofa at her Auntie B's whilst I went to work and she disturbed my frantic lunchtime rush to say that she couldn't get the Sky to work! How poorly???
Anyway, I had my planned homemade muesli with natural yoghurt and a mug of hot lemon water then left for work. I baked multiples of coffee cake, chocolate cake, Victoria sandwich, tangy lemon drizzle cake, gingerbread and flapjack - and I did not lick a single spoon, dip my finger in icing or eat any tasty morsels left in the tins. What an achievement! I had another mug of hot lemon water.
I then went to the local greengrocers and spent £16 on vegetables and fruit. I was feeling very sanctimonious at the till with a "look at my healthy trolley" kind of pride. It may be necessary to wear a label round my neck saying "DETOXING - beware flatulence!" - my partner always looks a little nervous when he sees a cauliflower being unpacked.
I rushed home, absolutely famished, to prepare our customised baked potatoes - his with butter, salt, sliced homebaked ham and a generous sprinkling of farmhouse mature Cheddar, grilled so that the cheese goes all gooey and bubbling; mine with half a tin of tuna in brine (drained) mixed with a couple of teaspoons of natural yoghurt, some sweetcorn and a good grind of black pepper. He had a cup of tea and I had.....another mug of hot lemon water. He had a piece of chocolate brownie and I cut up an orange.
After lunch I went for a walk with the dog. She could not believe her eyes when I picked up my walking boots - she was pirouetting, chasing her tail and running between the front door and me with all the pent up energy of a seriously neglected labrador. I wish I could report that I bounded across the meadows like a gazelle in spring - sadly, I plodded (quite briskly) round the route with all the enthusiasm of a knackered, old donkey on the beach at Blackpool. To make matters worse, the walk is a favourite of mine, involving quite a lot of uphill work through the woods for the first half but then the glorious sensation of having reached the summit and an easy descent for the second half. The problem was that I got to the top and started the downward section at the same time as all the ruddy hot lemon water decided to do the same! You have to understand at this point that I am just not an "outdoor wee" kind of girl. The thought of popping behind a wall (if I could get over it in the first place) is not appealing - I just know that the minute there was no turning back, the local farmer or the Cheshire branch of the Rambler's Association would appear over the brow of the hill. No, I would have to contain myself. I would have to remember all those pelvic floor exercises from pregnancy days ("your husband will appreciate them, dear!"). The fact that I can't easily recall them is perhaps testament to the fact that I don't think I have one any longer and I am divorced! Instead of enjoying the stunning views across the dale, I was repeating the mantra, "You are far too old to wet yourself". You will be relieved to know I did make it back home, thankfully not meeting anyone wanting to chat en route and have vowed that tomorrow I will not have anything to drink for at least two hours before the walk and will have a wee before I leave. Forward planning, dear!
This is where the attitude comes in - I am just too tired. However, I am determined and have achieved some of my targets today - I have drunk lemon water (4 glasses so I estimate another 3 to go - 2 litres recommended for detoxing); I have walked the dog and I have written this blog in the afternoon. I think the planned diet is a good idea and I feel back on track. Tennis tomorrow.
I have a salmon fillet with spinach ready for supper and a leg of lamb in the oven for the family - we are all sitting down together for a change.
Happily back to dieting (and absolutely no cabbage soup, I promise!).
Exx
Haven't checked out yesterday's website yet but will before my free trial expires.
I am officially back "in the zone", certainly in terms of eating and behaviour but I'm not quite there in terms of attitude. I woke up with little energy, forced myself out of bed and then forced sickly middle daughter into school uniform. She has already had two days off with a sore throat and chest infection and now just has a cold and cough which, lets face it, she could have until next April - the doctor said she shouldn't be off at all but I didn't have the heart to send her looking so poorly. Having said that, I did put her on the sofa at her Auntie B's whilst I went to work and she disturbed my frantic lunchtime rush to say that she couldn't get the Sky to work! How poorly???
Anyway, I had my planned homemade muesli with natural yoghurt and a mug of hot lemon water then left for work. I baked multiples of coffee cake, chocolate cake, Victoria sandwich, tangy lemon drizzle cake, gingerbread and flapjack - and I did not lick a single spoon, dip my finger in icing or eat any tasty morsels left in the tins. What an achievement! I had another mug of hot lemon water.
I then went to the local greengrocers and spent £16 on vegetables and fruit. I was feeling very sanctimonious at the till with a "look at my healthy trolley" kind of pride. It may be necessary to wear a label round my neck saying "DETOXING - beware flatulence!" - my partner always looks a little nervous when he sees a cauliflower being unpacked.
I rushed home, absolutely famished, to prepare our customised baked potatoes - his with butter, salt, sliced homebaked ham and a generous sprinkling of farmhouse mature Cheddar, grilled so that the cheese goes all gooey and bubbling; mine with half a tin of tuna in brine (drained) mixed with a couple of teaspoons of natural yoghurt, some sweetcorn and a good grind of black pepper. He had a cup of tea and I had.....another mug of hot lemon water. He had a piece of chocolate brownie and I cut up an orange.
After lunch I went for a walk with the dog. She could not believe her eyes when I picked up my walking boots - she was pirouetting, chasing her tail and running between the front door and me with all the pent up energy of a seriously neglected labrador. I wish I could report that I bounded across the meadows like a gazelle in spring - sadly, I plodded (quite briskly) round the route with all the enthusiasm of a knackered, old donkey on the beach at Blackpool. To make matters worse, the walk is a favourite of mine, involving quite a lot of uphill work through the woods for the first half but then the glorious sensation of having reached the summit and an easy descent for the second half. The problem was that I got to the top and started the downward section at the same time as all the ruddy hot lemon water decided to do the same! You have to understand at this point that I am just not an "outdoor wee" kind of girl. The thought of popping behind a wall (if I could get over it in the first place) is not appealing - I just know that the minute there was no turning back, the local farmer or the Cheshire branch of the Rambler's Association would appear over the brow of the hill. No, I would have to contain myself. I would have to remember all those pelvic floor exercises from pregnancy days ("your husband will appreciate them, dear!"). The fact that I can't easily recall them is perhaps testament to the fact that I don't think I have one any longer and I am divorced! Instead of enjoying the stunning views across the dale, I was repeating the mantra, "You are far too old to wet yourself". You will be relieved to know I did make it back home, thankfully not meeting anyone wanting to chat en route and have vowed that tomorrow I will not have anything to drink for at least two hours before the walk and will have a wee before I leave. Forward planning, dear!
This is where the attitude comes in - I am just too tired. However, I am determined and have achieved some of my targets today - I have drunk lemon water (4 glasses so I estimate another 3 to go - 2 litres recommended for detoxing); I have walked the dog and I have written this blog in the afternoon. I think the planned diet is a good idea and I feel back on track. Tennis tomorrow.
I have a salmon fillet with spinach ready for supper and a leg of lamb in the oven for the family - we are all sitting down together for a change.
Happily back to dieting (and absolutely no cabbage soup, I promise!).
Exx
Haven't checked out yesterday's website yet but will before my free trial expires.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
Well, I did say Wednesday
14st 9lb. I went downstairs this morning, got the scales out of the cupboard, stood in front of them and said (to myself), "this is not going to be good. You are going to have to lie". However, miracles of miracles, I had lost a pound. I even weighed twice to make sure. I just hope the deserved gain isn't saving itself for when I have been really good and have earned a loss.
Now I just have three pounds to go by Friday.
It is now Tuesday night and I was reading my promises to myself from 48hours ago. So far - I have not had a single mug of lemon water; haven't set foot out of the door with the dog; haven't played tennis at all (and Ben"therelentless"Smith has gone back to Leeds so I have no coach); I am more positive; I am still writing my blog late at night, could go to sleep on a clothes line in the day and the rest of the family will judge whether or not I'm grumpy.
So, only one out of five missions accomplished but there is time yet!
I have been researching following a diet and found an interesting website (http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/) which lists all the major diets and gives reports on each. I am tempted to become a member as it looks really interesting, is cheaper than any diet club and has loads of advice. I've done a free 24 hour membership which enables you to see what the site has to offer so I'll do some proper investigating tomorrow and will report back.
On a positive note (I said I was more positive!) I have put together a very strict detox type diet for the next 7 days. It will be good for me and will catapult me back into form. I am sick of the blob that confronts me at the moment. It is severe but is loads of fruit, veg, pulses, seeds, yoghurt etc - prepare for flatulence! I will either be glowing and full of energy or utterly exhausted by the end of the week.
Tomorrow I am going to fulfil at least three of my targets.
E xx
PS In celebration of the fact that I am starting a serious detox programme tomorrow, I have polished off what was left of the cinema sweeties that somehow made it into my handbag (probably kindly intended for the children - what a waste!)
Now I just have three pounds to go by Friday.
It is now Tuesday night and I was reading my promises to myself from 48hours ago. So far - I have not had a single mug of lemon water; haven't set foot out of the door with the dog; haven't played tennis at all (and Ben"therelentless"Smith has gone back to Leeds so I have no coach); I am more positive; I am still writing my blog late at night, could go to sleep on a clothes line in the day and the rest of the family will judge whether or not I'm grumpy.
So, only one out of five missions accomplished but there is time yet!
I have been researching following a diet and found an interesting website (http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/) which lists all the major diets and gives reports on each. I am tempted to become a member as it looks really interesting, is cheaper than any diet club and has loads of advice. I've done a free 24 hour membership which enables you to see what the site has to offer so I'll do some proper investigating tomorrow and will report back.
On a positive note (I said I was more positive!) I have put together a very strict detox type diet for the next 7 days. It will be good for me and will catapult me back into form. I am sick of the blob that confronts me at the moment. It is severe but is loads of fruit, veg, pulses, seeds, yoghurt etc - prepare for flatulence! I will either be glowing and full of energy or utterly exhausted by the end of the week.
Tomorrow I am going to fulfil at least three of my targets.
E xx
PS In celebration of the fact that I am starting a serious detox programme tomorrow, I have polished off what was left of the cinema sweeties that somehow made it into my handbag (probably kindly intended for the children - what a waste!)
Monday, 5 October 2009
Encouraging day!
No weigh in - tomorrow, but not holding any hope of a good one.
Had the most manically busy day at work today - I was expecting to be fairly busy but, wow, everyone wanted to eat with us! We got to the end feeling something like you must feel after an unexpected tornado. I decided to have some breakfast (2 Weetabix) before I left in the hope that I wouldn't be hungry and pick. It worked. I had a slice of roast pork on a side plate with a few mushy peas for lunch (at 3:30) and a chicken enchillada for supper.
Tonight I went to the cinema with a group of friends to see "Julie & Julia". It was lovely and has really encouraged me to carry on writing - not because I'm expecting a big book/film deal, but simply because someone may be reading who is enjoying what I am writing. I love the bit when she asks readers to comment so that she can know if anyone is out there - I know exactly how she felt! Anyway, it was a lovely film and an enjoyable evening.
As women do when en masse, we discussed life etc. One of them was discussing how all of her children seemed to gravitate to the bathroom whilst she was having a bath before coming out - why is that? Mine always decide that the moment I lower myself into a hot bath for a bit of peace and relaxation, is the exact moment they need to use the loo or have something that has to be discussed now. It turned out that the daughter was trying to sort out a Carol Vorderman programme for the Nintendo - some "diet and fitness" type thing. She was hoping for a major transformation by now but unfortunately hasn't so far got it to work. Time will tell.
Anyway, it got me thinking about my diet and lack of progress at the moment. The main problem isn't motivation, it's lack of time to think, plan, buy or cook. The mention of Carol Vorderman reminded me of her detox diet. I did a fortnight on it once years ago and felt good on it and lost weight. It came to me that, whilst I am really busy, (which is another 3/4 weeks) I should follow a set diet. That way the thinking is done for me. So, on Wednesday, I am going to sort one out to get me through this sticky period in dieting (I'm working tomorrow). I feel empowered for the first time in days and am feeling motivated again. I want to feel the energy and enthusiasm that I felt in those first couple of weeks.
I'll be fine tomorrow now. Happy again!
E xx
PS Yes, all those friends with me at the cinema, I will admit to eating some Liquorice Allsorts, more than a couple of Thorntons chocolate coated toffees and quite a number of Maltesers. Sorry folks, I'm only human and it was the cinema - at least I didn't buy Butterkist Popcorn!
Had the most manically busy day at work today - I was expecting to be fairly busy but, wow, everyone wanted to eat with us! We got to the end feeling something like you must feel after an unexpected tornado. I decided to have some breakfast (2 Weetabix) before I left in the hope that I wouldn't be hungry and pick. It worked. I had a slice of roast pork on a side plate with a few mushy peas for lunch (at 3:30) and a chicken enchillada for supper.
Tonight I went to the cinema with a group of friends to see "Julie & Julia". It was lovely and has really encouraged me to carry on writing - not because I'm expecting a big book/film deal, but simply because someone may be reading who is enjoying what I am writing. I love the bit when she asks readers to comment so that she can know if anyone is out there - I know exactly how she felt! Anyway, it was a lovely film and an enjoyable evening.
As women do when en masse, we discussed life etc. One of them was discussing how all of her children seemed to gravitate to the bathroom whilst she was having a bath before coming out - why is that? Mine always decide that the moment I lower myself into a hot bath for a bit of peace and relaxation, is the exact moment they need to use the loo or have something that has to be discussed now. It turned out that the daughter was trying to sort out a Carol Vorderman programme for the Nintendo - some "diet and fitness" type thing. She was hoping for a major transformation by now but unfortunately hasn't so far got it to work. Time will tell.
Anyway, it got me thinking about my diet and lack of progress at the moment. The main problem isn't motivation, it's lack of time to think, plan, buy or cook. The mention of Carol Vorderman reminded me of her detox diet. I did a fortnight on it once years ago and felt good on it and lost weight. It came to me that, whilst I am really busy, (which is another 3/4 weeks) I should follow a set diet. That way the thinking is done for me. So, on Wednesday, I am going to sort one out to get me through this sticky period in dieting (I'm working tomorrow). I feel empowered for the first time in days and am feeling motivated again. I want to feel the energy and enthusiasm that I felt in those first couple of weeks.
I'll be fine tomorrow now. Happy again!
E xx
PS Yes, all those friends with me at the cinema, I will admit to eating some Liquorice Allsorts, more than a couple of Thorntons chocolate coated toffees and quite a number of Maltesers. Sorry folks, I'm only human and it was the cinema - at least I didn't buy Butterkist Popcorn!
Sunday, 4 October 2009
What is it all about?
No weigh in which is probably a good job. Sorry there was no blog yesterday but, by the time I got in it was after midnight, I was exhausted and went straight to bed.
I got up this morning and was in one of those, "What is it all for?" moods. I assume everyone gets them. My feet seem to barely touch the ground at the moment and I feel drained. If I was offered a croft in Scotland for a month, I would bite their hand off.
Having said that, I had a pleasant day yesterday. I went to work early to get some baking done for the next couple of days then I went, alone for a change, to Darlington to get my hair cut. I had the unfortunate experience with the Edward Scissorhands girl in Leeds a few weeks ago and since then, the situation has only got worse. I cracked on Friday and rang Saks to ask for an appointment with Trish - only to be told that she left 5 months ago. Deary me, it really is time for a cut. I was apparently in the hands of Richard. I asked him to transform me (tempting to push it and ask him to transform me into the stunning girl in the picture on the wall with beautiful hair and not wearing very much, but there are limits). Well, I had an hour and a half of pampering in very accomplished hands. I do believe each individual hair had specific attention. Even more amazingly, I was transformed - from a rather ragged sheepdog into a sleek, shiny, pleased-with-herself sophisticated pup (can't think of a suitable breed!). I went out for a meal with friends last night (no, I was not very good but it was very good) and got lots of "ooh, I love your hair" type of comments and felt happy as larry.
I woke up this morning looking like me, but with shorter hair. I doubt anyone will even notice I've had it cut. C'est la vie.
Anyway, today got off to a bad start, with me grovelling to a lovely chap for whom I cook meals as he wanted 80 for his freezer and I haven't got time to cook them for at least another fortnight. Then I looked at my emails and there was one from the lovely photographers saying they would be with me by 9am to finally nail the cover shot for the book. Zut alors, it was already 8:10! I ran upstairs and threw on some clothes; put a lemon drizzle cake, some fairy cakes and some chocolate brownies in the oven; drove at speed up to Hawes to grab a couple of cakes I made yesterday; came back and made a batch of scones, whipped some cream, made icing for the buns and lemon syrup for the cake; brewed a pot of coffee - just in time for them to walk in the door at 9.02am - fast work! We then spent the morning in Swaledale in the sunshine with a clear blue sky, where they took the most fantastic photograph possible and all seemed well with the world. I came back, grabbed a chicken sandwich and spent until 6pm at work preparing for tomorrows sale. I came back, ironed clothes for tomorrow, spoke to Mum who is feeling miserable in Cornwall as Gran is unwell...and then finally sat down to speak to my middle daughter for what seems like the first time in days.
I am always busy, always broke and never seem to have time for the children.
Which brings me to the subject of "working mother's breed overweight children" or some such rubbish that was in the news this week. Pile it on, why don't you? (the guilt, not the food on their plates) Apparently, we working mothers are so fraught that we ply our kids with junk food and then force them to watch hours of television because we haven't got time for them. I have to admit that life is easier now that I appear to be more of an embarrassment to them than a necessity. The last thing they want is a guilty mother cajoling them into a hearty walk together - they might at a push do a bike ride I suppose, but I am always afraid of blocking the traffic with my wide load. However, it is a number of days since we all sat down to dinner together and I seem to have barely seen them in days. I hate it when life is like this, especially when there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel until the main season finishes in November (then we start preparing for Christmas - oh God, help me!).
This week I have a number of promises to myself:
1) I am going to drink lemon water instead of tea at least twice a day
2) The dog is going for a good walk at least three times before Friday
3) I will play tennis at least twice
4) I will try to be more positive and stop being a misery
5) I will write my blog earlier in the evening/day so that I am not a tired, grumpy old cow!
Wish me luck. I have 4lbs to go before Friday - in fact, after the delicious dinner with red wine last night, I suspect it could be a record breaking 5!
A good week ahead I hope.
E xx
I got up this morning and was in one of those, "What is it all for?" moods. I assume everyone gets them. My feet seem to barely touch the ground at the moment and I feel drained. If I was offered a croft in Scotland for a month, I would bite their hand off.
Having said that, I had a pleasant day yesterday. I went to work early to get some baking done for the next couple of days then I went, alone for a change, to Darlington to get my hair cut. I had the unfortunate experience with the Edward Scissorhands girl in Leeds a few weeks ago and since then, the situation has only got worse. I cracked on Friday and rang Saks to ask for an appointment with Trish - only to be told that she left 5 months ago. Deary me, it really is time for a cut. I was apparently in the hands of Richard. I asked him to transform me (tempting to push it and ask him to transform me into the stunning girl in the picture on the wall with beautiful hair and not wearing very much, but there are limits). Well, I had an hour and a half of pampering in very accomplished hands. I do believe each individual hair had specific attention. Even more amazingly, I was transformed - from a rather ragged sheepdog into a sleek, shiny, pleased-with-herself sophisticated pup (can't think of a suitable breed!). I went out for a meal with friends last night (no, I was not very good but it was very good) and got lots of "ooh, I love your hair" type of comments and felt happy as larry.
I woke up this morning looking like me, but with shorter hair. I doubt anyone will even notice I've had it cut. C'est la vie.
Anyway, today got off to a bad start, with me grovelling to a lovely chap for whom I cook meals as he wanted 80 for his freezer and I haven't got time to cook them for at least another fortnight. Then I looked at my emails and there was one from the lovely photographers saying they would be with me by 9am to finally nail the cover shot for the book. Zut alors, it was already 8:10! I ran upstairs and threw on some clothes; put a lemon drizzle cake, some fairy cakes and some chocolate brownies in the oven; drove at speed up to Hawes to grab a couple of cakes I made yesterday; came back and made a batch of scones, whipped some cream, made icing for the buns and lemon syrup for the cake; brewed a pot of coffee - just in time for them to walk in the door at 9.02am - fast work! We then spent the morning in Swaledale in the sunshine with a clear blue sky, where they took the most fantastic photograph possible and all seemed well with the world. I came back, grabbed a chicken sandwich and spent until 6pm at work preparing for tomorrows sale. I came back, ironed clothes for tomorrow, spoke to Mum who is feeling miserable in Cornwall as Gran is unwell...and then finally sat down to speak to my middle daughter for what seems like the first time in days.
I am always busy, always broke and never seem to have time for the children.
Which brings me to the subject of "working mother's breed overweight children" or some such rubbish that was in the news this week. Pile it on, why don't you? (the guilt, not the food on their plates) Apparently, we working mothers are so fraught that we ply our kids with junk food and then force them to watch hours of television because we haven't got time for them. I have to admit that life is easier now that I appear to be more of an embarrassment to them than a necessity. The last thing they want is a guilty mother cajoling them into a hearty walk together - they might at a push do a bike ride I suppose, but I am always afraid of blocking the traffic with my wide load. However, it is a number of days since we all sat down to dinner together and I seem to have barely seen them in days. I hate it when life is like this, especially when there doesn't seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel until the main season finishes in November (then we start preparing for Christmas - oh God, help me!).
This week I have a number of promises to myself:
1) I am going to drink lemon water instead of tea at least twice a day
2) The dog is going for a good walk at least three times before Friday
3) I will play tennis at least twice
4) I will try to be more positive and stop being a misery
5) I will write my blog earlier in the evening/day so that I am not a tired, grumpy old cow!
Wish me luck. I have 4lbs to go before Friday - in fact, after the delicious dinner with red wine last night, I suspect it could be a record breaking 5!
A good week ahead I hope.
E xx
Friday, 2 October 2009
End of week 7
14st 10lb. So, a 2lb gain this week. I am disappointed in myself and also worried that you must all be losing faith with me by now. Please don't - I'm as determined as ever and it's a blip.
After the disappointment of Wednesday, I had a really good day. I ate grapefruit for breakfast, a fruit salad for lunch (kiwi, orange & grapes) and salmon salad for dinner. Yesterday, during my 21 hours marathon at work, I ate the ends of a tea loaf, without butter at 6.30am; 2 pieces of toast with baked beans at 5.30pm then 2 pieces of toast with damson jam and a cup of tea at 2.30am when I got home. A friend suggested trying boiling water with fresh lemon squeezed into it. I am always concerned that I drink too much tea so I thought I would give it a try. Boiling water reminds me of school days at breakfast. For some reason I liked it - we had little melamine, pale green cups which gave the water a really distinctive smell and slightly sweet taste. So, yesterday, I had one cup of tea and then numerous cups of lemon water - I will keep it up as it is so much more pleasant than fruit teas. Hardly a nutritious day but not exactly calorific or naughty either!
We have been discussing how difficult it is to lose weight at work. One of my colleagues (who I call "the guru" because she knows everything about work at the Mart and is my right hand woman, but Ben calls "the terminator" because she is a machine that functions perfectly for hours on end without seeming to get tired!) suggested that I put weight on during these busy days when I work relentlessly without eating much, because I fry so much food that the fat is absorbed through my skin (I certainly smell as if I do - local dogs follow me up the street, sniffing as if I am edible). I quite like that theory, it makes me feel better!
I have just seen Stephen Fry on the television - he has lost so much weight and looks at least 10 years younger. He was asked what his motivation was for starting his diet - he replied that he didn't have one - he got a stomach bug and decided to carry on! Perfect.
I am really tired. Suffice to say, tomorrow is another day. This week I am going to do 4lb - 2lb for the gain from this week and 2lb for next week. I am going to exercise and enjoy healthy living.
More tomorrow.
E xx
After the disappointment of Wednesday, I had a really good day. I ate grapefruit for breakfast, a fruit salad for lunch (kiwi, orange & grapes) and salmon salad for dinner. Yesterday, during my 21 hours marathon at work, I ate the ends of a tea loaf, without butter at 6.30am; 2 pieces of toast with baked beans at 5.30pm then 2 pieces of toast with damson jam and a cup of tea at 2.30am when I got home. A friend suggested trying boiling water with fresh lemon squeezed into it. I am always concerned that I drink too much tea so I thought I would give it a try. Boiling water reminds me of school days at breakfast. For some reason I liked it - we had little melamine, pale green cups which gave the water a really distinctive smell and slightly sweet taste. So, yesterday, I had one cup of tea and then numerous cups of lemon water - I will keep it up as it is so much more pleasant than fruit teas. Hardly a nutritious day but not exactly calorific or naughty either!
We have been discussing how difficult it is to lose weight at work. One of my colleagues (who I call "the guru" because she knows everything about work at the Mart and is my right hand woman, but Ben calls "the terminator" because she is a machine that functions perfectly for hours on end without seeming to get tired!) suggested that I put weight on during these busy days when I work relentlessly without eating much, because I fry so much food that the fat is absorbed through my skin (I certainly smell as if I do - local dogs follow me up the street, sniffing as if I am edible). I quite like that theory, it makes me feel better!
I have just seen Stephen Fry on the television - he has lost so much weight and looks at least 10 years younger. He was asked what his motivation was for starting his diet - he replied that he didn't have one - he got a stomach bug and decided to carry on! Perfect.
I am really tired. Suffice to say, tomorrow is another day. This week I am going to do 4lb - 2lb for the gain from this week and 2lb for next week. I am going to exercise and enjoy healthy living.
More tomorrow.
E xx
Wednesday, 30 September 2009
Deary, Deary Me!
14st 10lb. I woke up feeling like a Sumo wrestler this morning and instinctively knew the needle on the scales wasn't going to be kind. In fact, I was almost tempted to fib and pretend that I had forgotten to get on them at all.
However, I promised myself at the start of this project, that I was going to be honest and so it will continue. I must, at this point, apologise for my lack of blog for the past two days. It is certainly not lack of interest or that I am in any way "losing it", it is just that my work is so busy at the moment and I am so exhausted when I finally stumble through the door that writing is the last thing on my mind. I manage the cafe at the local Auction Mart and it is the time of year when they sell everything to do with sheep - fat lambs, gimmers, tups (boys), old ewes (like me, past their best). Thankfully, these huge days have been for gimmers which are going off to pastures new to breed - if I happen to leave the kitchen and a cattle wagon of bleeting sheep go past I can wave them off with the knowledge that they are not about to meet their maker. Since I absolutely love a succulent leg of lamb, studded with sprigs of fresh rosemary and cloves of garlic, I am hypocritical to get sentimental about the fate of the little fatties going straight to the abattoir! Anyway, tomorrow we have Leicester Tup day which is massive and will involve working from 5am in the morning to around 2am the following morning, if we're lucky. I will not be blogging!
So, finally I get to the little fact that I have gained 2lb since last Friday. I deserve to have done. I know myself very well and, as I have said before, when I am really busy and focussed on work, I don't even think to eat. However, the last two days at work have been very long but, after the main rush in the mornings, they can be quite steady. Then, I graze. I pinch little bits of food far too often - an end of scone, a small bowl of creamy rice pud with homemade jam and cream (twice), a sliver of blackcurrant cheese cake (4 times), a bowl of porridge with honey when I got home. There is a pattern you may notice - when I am tired (which believe me I am!) I only want sugar. Comfort. Energy. I don't think I am eating too much at all but, I bet if I added up the calories, it would be bigger than I think. Added to which, I am on my poor exhausted legs all day, but not actually exercising.
What's to do? To be honest, get through the big days as best I can and sort it out afterwards. After tomorrow, I have no more mamouth days until the end of October so I have no excuses. It worries me that I am not changing or beating these sugar cravings. My desire to eat naughty food is still there like a big fat demon, especially when my defenses are down.
There is alot of work to do. See you Friday.
E xx
PS I had a grapefruit for breakfast!
PPS There are so many topics in the papers this week for discussion - mind over matter, beat up working Mum's and pile on the guilt (AGAIN!) - we will talk later!
However, I promised myself at the start of this project, that I was going to be honest and so it will continue. I must, at this point, apologise for my lack of blog for the past two days. It is certainly not lack of interest or that I am in any way "losing it", it is just that my work is so busy at the moment and I am so exhausted when I finally stumble through the door that writing is the last thing on my mind. I manage the cafe at the local Auction Mart and it is the time of year when they sell everything to do with sheep - fat lambs, gimmers, tups (boys), old ewes (like me, past their best). Thankfully, these huge days have been for gimmers which are going off to pastures new to breed - if I happen to leave the kitchen and a cattle wagon of bleeting sheep go past I can wave them off with the knowledge that they are not about to meet their maker. Since I absolutely love a succulent leg of lamb, studded with sprigs of fresh rosemary and cloves of garlic, I am hypocritical to get sentimental about the fate of the little fatties going straight to the abattoir! Anyway, tomorrow we have Leicester Tup day which is massive and will involve working from 5am in the morning to around 2am the following morning, if we're lucky. I will not be blogging!
So, finally I get to the little fact that I have gained 2lb since last Friday. I deserve to have done. I know myself very well and, as I have said before, when I am really busy and focussed on work, I don't even think to eat. However, the last two days at work have been very long but, after the main rush in the mornings, they can be quite steady. Then, I graze. I pinch little bits of food far too often - an end of scone, a small bowl of creamy rice pud with homemade jam and cream (twice), a sliver of blackcurrant cheese cake (4 times), a bowl of porridge with honey when I got home. There is a pattern you may notice - when I am tired (which believe me I am!) I only want sugar. Comfort. Energy. I don't think I am eating too much at all but, I bet if I added up the calories, it would be bigger than I think. Added to which, I am on my poor exhausted legs all day, but not actually exercising.
What's to do? To be honest, get through the big days as best I can and sort it out afterwards. After tomorrow, I have no more mamouth days until the end of October so I have no excuses. It worries me that I am not changing or beating these sugar cravings. My desire to eat naughty food is still there like a big fat demon, especially when my defenses are down.
There is alot of work to do. See you Friday.
E xx
PS I had a grapefruit for breakfast!
PPS There are so many topics in the papers this week for discussion - mind over matter, beat up working Mum's and pile on the guilt (AGAIN!) - we will talk later!
Sunday, 27 September 2009
Serious Subject Sunday - addiction
I have a confession to make. My mother will kill me when she reads this, but I have not resisted temptation today. I have been weak.
Firstly, I had a cup of tea in my hand at the same time as there happened to be a plate of flapjack in front of me. I can't even say it was a subconscious act to take the sticky, honeyed flapjack off the plate, dip it in my tea and lift the divine soggy mass to my mouth. No, I did it knowing full well it was naughty. Now, if it had stopped there, it wouldn't have been too bad - but it didn't. I knew I was going to be busy at work today so I had made a big pork pie for lunch to cheer my poorly partner up (he has "flu") and served it with mushy peas, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy. I put a little spoon of mash on my plate with lots of cauliflower, some peas and a little gravy and then, almost as an after thought, a very small piece of pie. Still not a hanging offence. However, for pud I had made chocolate sponge with chocolate custard and vanilla icecream. I had a banana......until everyone had left the table, I had done the washing up and made a cup of tea - then I had a lovely bowl of richly chocolately pudding with hot sauce poured over icecream. God, it was soooo GOOD! But really, really naughty. This afternoon I peeled and chopped 20kg of carrots as penance - and resisted a KitKat that was screaming at me from the shelves at work.
My halo is tarnished. I will try harder.
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday today and this one has been on my mind for a while. I have heard a couple of items on the radio in the last couple of weeks that have made me consider how situations that, on the surface are totally different, have similarities. A couple of weeks ago there was an interview on the radio with a mature celebrity in which she was discussing her alcohol dependency. It was really interesting to listen to her discussing how, over the years, she had resolved on so many occasions to stop drinking and failed. She loathed herself during this time. A number of years ago now, I knew a young man who was sent to prison for drink driving. He was desperately unhappy about his inability to stop drinking even though he was aware that he was ruining his life. On the face of it he had the world at his feet - young, good looking, pleasant personality, good job but slowly he went from casual drinking to having a serious drink problem. At the time, I was about 15 stone and very unhappy. Every morning I resolved to take control. Virtually every morning I would fail. He was the same with his drinking. We had a number of discussions about getting our lives in order and being stronger.
Another discussion on the radio this week was about personal debt. There was a woman who had got into huge debt (hundreds of thousands of pounds) due to uncontrollable spending. She knew it was wrong and would promise herself not to do it anymore but then would go out in her lunch hour and spend thousands of pounds. All on credit. The buzz she got from spending would rarely last until she got back to work. Now I don't have a problem with spending - I haven't got any money and it wouldn't appeal to me to run up debt even if I could but, I do suffer from the same degree of lack of control, just in a different field.
Last Christmas, I had a major disagreement with our vicar, when she suggested that my determination to help someone battling an addiction problem was actually me trying to avoid addressing my own. I was furious - in my opinion I was just being a "good samaritan", as we are encouraged to be. However, when I thought about it, other than just being a good friend, I wanted to help make this person's life better, to boost her self esteem and try to make her see that she had a lot to live for. I could understand her inability to control her own addiction, only because of my inability to take control of my eating and consequent impact on my health. Although I am loathe to admit it, my vicar was in many respects, right.
The discussion on the radio basically said that many alcohol and drug related problems stem from low self esteem and lack of confidence as well as circumstance. Ignorance plays a big part in weight related issues but I am certain if you questioned overweight people, you would find that they all suffered from low self esteem and self image. The issues are the same. It's just that alcohol and drug abuse are less socially acceptable and destruction of health and well being are in most instances, more immediate. The main difference is perhaps that many weight related problems result in low self esteem whereas drug and alcohol problems are initiated by it. Anyway, I am batting way beyond my ability here but all I really mean is addiction whether it be to drugs, alcohol, gambling or food need to be treated with a degree of compassion and understanding and that the bull can only be taken by the horns by the person with the problem when they are ready.
Unfortunately I must go to bed as I need to be in work at 5am tomorrow. My peace has been shattered by my partner coming in from the pub and putting the life history of Abba on the television - "Waterloo" is not great for concentration!!
I doubt I'll make it tomorrow as I'll be at work until late tomorrow night.
Good week coming up!
E xx
Firstly, I had a cup of tea in my hand at the same time as there happened to be a plate of flapjack in front of me. I can't even say it was a subconscious act to take the sticky, honeyed flapjack off the plate, dip it in my tea and lift the divine soggy mass to my mouth. No, I did it knowing full well it was naughty. Now, if it had stopped there, it wouldn't have been too bad - but it didn't. I knew I was going to be busy at work today so I had made a big pork pie for lunch to cheer my poorly partner up (he has "flu") and served it with mushy peas, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy. I put a little spoon of mash on my plate with lots of cauliflower, some peas and a little gravy and then, almost as an after thought, a very small piece of pie. Still not a hanging offence. However, for pud I had made chocolate sponge with chocolate custard and vanilla icecream. I had a banana......until everyone had left the table, I had done the washing up and made a cup of tea - then I had a lovely bowl of richly chocolately pudding with hot sauce poured over icecream. God, it was soooo GOOD! But really, really naughty. This afternoon I peeled and chopped 20kg of carrots as penance - and resisted a KitKat that was screaming at me from the shelves at work.
My halo is tarnished. I will try harder.
Anyway, it's Serious Subject Sunday today and this one has been on my mind for a while. I have heard a couple of items on the radio in the last couple of weeks that have made me consider how situations that, on the surface are totally different, have similarities. A couple of weeks ago there was an interview on the radio with a mature celebrity in which she was discussing her alcohol dependency. It was really interesting to listen to her discussing how, over the years, she had resolved on so many occasions to stop drinking and failed. She loathed herself during this time. A number of years ago now, I knew a young man who was sent to prison for drink driving. He was desperately unhappy about his inability to stop drinking even though he was aware that he was ruining his life. On the face of it he had the world at his feet - young, good looking, pleasant personality, good job but slowly he went from casual drinking to having a serious drink problem. At the time, I was about 15 stone and very unhappy. Every morning I resolved to take control. Virtually every morning I would fail. He was the same with his drinking. We had a number of discussions about getting our lives in order and being stronger.
Another discussion on the radio this week was about personal debt. There was a woman who had got into huge debt (hundreds of thousands of pounds) due to uncontrollable spending. She knew it was wrong and would promise herself not to do it anymore but then would go out in her lunch hour and spend thousands of pounds. All on credit. The buzz she got from spending would rarely last until she got back to work. Now I don't have a problem with spending - I haven't got any money and it wouldn't appeal to me to run up debt even if I could but, I do suffer from the same degree of lack of control, just in a different field.
Last Christmas, I had a major disagreement with our vicar, when she suggested that my determination to help someone battling an addiction problem was actually me trying to avoid addressing my own. I was furious - in my opinion I was just being a "good samaritan", as we are encouraged to be. However, when I thought about it, other than just being a good friend, I wanted to help make this person's life better, to boost her self esteem and try to make her see that she had a lot to live for. I could understand her inability to control her own addiction, only because of my inability to take control of my eating and consequent impact on my health. Although I am loathe to admit it, my vicar was in many respects, right.
The discussion on the radio basically said that many alcohol and drug related problems stem from low self esteem and lack of confidence as well as circumstance. Ignorance plays a big part in weight related issues but I am certain if you questioned overweight people, you would find that they all suffered from low self esteem and self image. The issues are the same. It's just that alcohol and drug abuse are less socially acceptable and destruction of health and well being are in most instances, more immediate. The main difference is perhaps that many weight related problems result in low self esteem whereas drug and alcohol problems are initiated by it. Anyway, I am batting way beyond my ability here but all I really mean is addiction whether it be to drugs, alcohol, gambling or food need to be treated with a degree of compassion and understanding and that the bull can only be taken by the horns by the person with the problem when they are ready.
Unfortunately I must go to bed as I need to be in work at 5am tomorrow. My peace has been shattered by my partner coming in from the pub and putting the life history of Abba on the television - "Waterloo" is not great for concentration!!
I doubt I'll make it tomorrow as I'll be at work until late tomorrow night.
Good week coming up!
E xx
Bouncing beetroot
Not a weigh day. In fact, you may notice that this posting is after midnight as I have been at a party. I could even admit to kind of coming home earlier than I perhaps would have because I knew I hadn't written my blog - I am getting sad!
I short changed you yesterday. It was partly because I was absolutely shattered but partly as I could find no peace. My beloved was sitting next to me on the sofa, snivelling with a cold and eating whilst watching "Extreme Logging" or some equally irritatingly narrated programme - maybe Iceroad Truckers or Worlds Greatest Catch. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate at all.
Today has been pretty good and I have got most of what I set out to do, done. I am still without hot water (five days now) which is really annoying. The silt is building up around me and I just can't face cleaning by boiling kettles. I had yoghurt & muesli for breakfast whilst checking I still have a brain and doing yesterday's sudoku from the paper. I then went to work for a couple of hours. It has been a gloriously sunny, blue sky day which lifts your spirits (and dries the washing). I went to the farm to pick damsons and green beans and managed to snaffle some tomatoes on the vine while I was there. The sight of the damsons on the branches against the cloudless sky was just so perfect. I am going to make some jam and a good sized jar of damson gin. I am not going to make a pie with an irresistible sugary crust - sorry family, I can't risk it! The beans will blanch and go in the freezer.
When I got back, Ben"the relentless"Smith and Emily were lying in the sun on the front lawn. Haha, not doing anything. No excuses, you can put me through my paces at tennis. To give him credit, he didn't even try to get out of it. We played three sets in the sunshine and when I took the keys back, the guy suggested I see a doctor. I was a beetroot. Whatever my level of fitness, health, weight, it does not matter, I go bright red/purple with a white line around my hair line at the first sign of exertion. It is so embarrassing and stays with me for a couple of hours afterwards. However, contrary to the obvious evidence, Ben"bloody relentless"Smith said I was lazy today - lazy! I was absolutely knackered! At first, I thought he was goading me into being more aggressive but no, I think he really thought I was lazy. Christ, I was nearly knocking myself out with my own breasts, I was trying so hard. (If I am to take up this sport seriously, I am going to have to force myself to invest in a sports bra - I am in real danger of physical damage - wriggling puppies in a blanket as they were once described). I was useless and only took 3 games out of 3 sets but I was not lazy Benjamin!
I cooked chicken breast wrapped in pancetta with roasted tomatoes & broccoli for supper. The kids had pasta with theirs but I stuck with the chicken and vegetables. Then we had perfectly juicy mango (which I was loathed to share but was spotted taking it out of the fruit bowl - blast!).
I have just been to a party in the village hall, leaving the other half at home with "flu" - I drank soda water so have no guilts at all today. Got quite a few comments along the "have you been losing weight" lines, which was lovely. My two youngest daughters "took me in hand" to get me ready to go out - selecting my clothes, doing my hair and make up and generally bullying me along - I think they know more about applying make up than I do! There is a little note book on the home screen on my computer and one of them has left a message saying "My Mummy is beautiful x". God, I am lucky.
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow (later today!). Addiction.
Happy dieting
E xx
I short changed you yesterday. It was partly because I was absolutely shattered but partly as I could find no peace. My beloved was sitting next to me on the sofa, snivelling with a cold and eating whilst watching "Extreme Logging" or some equally irritatingly narrated programme - maybe Iceroad Truckers or Worlds Greatest Catch. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate at all.
Today has been pretty good and I have got most of what I set out to do, done. I am still without hot water (five days now) which is really annoying. The silt is building up around me and I just can't face cleaning by boiling kettles. I had yoghurt & muesli for breakfast whilst checking I still have a brain and doing yesterday's sudoku from the paper. I then went to work for a couple of hours. It has been a gloriously sunny, blue sky day which lifts your spirits (and dries the washing). I went to the farm to pick damsons and green beans and managed to snaffle some tomatoes on the vine while I was there. The sight of the damsons on the branches against the cloudless sky was just so perfect. I am going to make some jam and a good sized jar of damson gin. I am not going to make a pie with an irresistible sugary crust - sorry family, I can't risk it! The beans will blanch and go in the freezer.
When I got back, Ben"the relentless"Smith and Emily were lying in the sun on the front lawn. Haha, not doing anything. No excuses, you can put me through my paces at tennis. To give him credit, he didn't even try to get out of it. We played three sets in the sunshine and when I took the keys back, the guy suggested I see a doctor. I was a beetroot. Whatever my level of fitness, health, weight, it does not matter, I go bright red/purple with a white line around my hair line at the first sign of exertion. It is so embarrassing and stays with me for a couple of hours afterwards. However, contrary to the obvious evidence, Ben"bloody relentless"Smith said I was lazy today - lazy! I was absolutely knackered! At first, I thought he was goading me into being more aggressive but no, I think he really thought I was lazy. Christ, I was nearly knocking myself out with my own breasts, I was trying so hard. (If I am to take up this sport seriously, I am going to have to force myself to invest in a sports bra - I am in real danger of physical damage - wriggling puppies in a blanket as they were once described). I was useless and only took 3 games out of 3 sets but I was not lazy Benjamin!
I cooked chicken breast wrapped in pancetta with roasted tomatoes & broccoli for supper. The kids had pasta with theirs but I stuck with the chicken and vegetables. Then we had perfectly juicy mango (which I was loathed to share but was spotted taking it out of the fruit bowl - blast!).
I have just been to a party in the village hall, leaving the other half at home with "flu" - I drank soda water so have no guilts at all today. Got quite a few comments along the "have you been losing weight" lines, which was lovely. My two youngest daughters "took me in hand" to get me ready to go out - selecting my clothes, doing my hair and make up and generally bullying me along - I think they know more about applying make up than I do! There is a little note book on the home screen on my computer and one of them has left a message saying "My Mummy is beautiful x". God, I am lucky.
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow (later today!). Addiction.
Happy dieting
E xx
Friday, 25 September 2009
One down, three to go!
14st 8lb. Good. That's a stone since I started six weeks ago. I am 25% of the way there.
A stone. 14lbs. 7 bags of sugar. 28 blocks of lard. 100 Mars Bars. I like lard best as it's so graphic - I imagine it being liposuctioned off my thighs and backside!
It may seem slow progress but if I can carry on at the same pace, it will mean achieving my target of 4 stone on 29th January 2010 - I can live with that! The most positive thing I can say though, is that even if it had only been 6lb, it would have been 6lb less than it would have been if I hadn't started at all (or even more, as I would probably have added another pound by now!). It really doesn't matter how long it takes, although it is frustrating if loss is steady.
For me, it is 22lb since the beginning of the year and, more importantly, it shows. I feel so much better.
I am setting myself a 4 stone target. I know I can do it as I have done it before (4 years ago). At that time, I never imagined getting any where near that. I remember catching sight of myself going out one night and doing a double take - I was amazed that the woman in the mirror was me. I want that feeling again. I will have it.
E xx
A stone. 14lbs. 7 bags of sugar. 28 blocks of lard. 100 Mars Bars. I like lard best as it's so graphic - I imagine it being liposuctioned off my thighs and backside!
It may seem slow progress but if I can carry on at the same pace, it will mean achieving my target of 4 stone on 29th January 2010 - I can live with that! The most positive thing I can say though, is that even if it had only been 6lb, it would have been 6lb less than it would have been if I hadn't started at all (or even more, as I would probably have added another pound by now!). It really doesn't matter how long it takes, although it is frustrating if loss is steady.
For me, it is 22lb since the beginning of the year and, more importantly, it shows. I feel so much better.
I am setting myself a 4 stone target. I know I can do it as I have done it before (4 years ago). At that time, I never imagined getting any where near that. I remember catching sight of myself going out one night and doing a double take - I was amazed that the woman in the mirror was me. I want that feeling again. I will have it.
E xx
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Moody cow!
Today I have been smiling politely through gritted teeth for what seems like most of the day. We got off to a bad start as no body had any knickers - in my defense, I have had no water since Monday and am behind with the washing. I despatched a cross 12 year old to school in a pair of tight aged 10 pants, mumbling moodily that "if you ever put them in the laundry basket instead of leaving them to decorate the bedroom floor....etc, etc...." and I am wearing the aforementioned so-called control pants which are grossly uncomfortable, constrict and ooze - safer than commando on a windy day though.
I was looking forward to today. I was planning on ironing until 10am (achieved), then tennis club (only I turned up as it was drizzling and obviously no one else so desperate for exercise that they will play tennis in the rain); finish proof reading book (achieved); send it off to publishers (achieved); ring insurers about mending stone chip in windscreen (achieved); long walk with dog (rather short really but I did jog part of it - very small part when sure no one was around - thought lungs were going to explode); 3 loads of washing to dry at laundrette (achieved); parents evening for eldest (achieved, although hardly satisfactorily) and finally nephew's first birthday party without eating anything forbidden (ACHIEVED!!).
I have eaten 2 Weetabix with hot skimmed milk (need for warm food usually spells need for nurture, therefore sensitive mood on the horizon); smoked mackerel, tomato and piece of toast for lunch; two fresh figs; a packet of revolting Weight Watchers cheesy puffs before party (I was really hungry and sensed danger); a bowl of Ready Break with hot skimmed milk and muesli stirred in for supper (by the time I got in, I was knackered, hungry and everyone else had eaten - it was just easy).
So, I achieved more or less all I set out to do and have eaten well for my diet (although not exactly nutritionally) - so why have I been a moody cow all day? I am tired (always!), cross because the bloody boiler is still not working (no hot water since Monday), the house is a tip (but it often is), I need a new windscreen as the stone chip is too old and in the line of vision and is going to cost £60 which I will have to scrape together from somewhere...and I guess I just woke up that way.
Must remember, right side of bed tomorrow. Day for the scales - feeling positive. There are enough clean knickers in this house to fit up the whole village - tomorrow will be a better day!
E xx
I was looking forward to today. I was planning on ironing until 10am (achieved), then tennis club (only I turned up as it was drizzling and obviously no one else so desperate for exercise that they will play tennis in the rain); finish proof reading book (achieved); send it off to publishers (achieved); ring insurers about mending stone chip in windscreen (achieved); long walk with dog (rather short really but I did jog part of it - very small part when sure no one was around - thought lungs were going to explode); 3 loads of washing to dry at laundrette (achieved); parents evening for eldest (achieved, although hardly satisfactorily) and finally nephew's first birthday party without eating anything forbidden (ACHIEVED!!).
I have eaten 2 Weetabix with hot skimmed milk (need for warm food usually spells need for nurture, therefore sensitive mood on the horizon); smoked mackerel, tomato and piece of toast for lunch; two fresh figs; a packet of revolting Weight Watchers cheesy puffs before party (I was really hungry and sensed danger); a bowl of Ready Break with hot skimmed milk and muesli stirred in for supper (by the time I got in, I was knackered, hungry and everyone else had eaten - it was just easy).
So, I achieved more or less all I set out to do and have eaten well for my diet (although not exactly nutritionally) - so why have I been a moody cow all day? I am tired (always!), cross because the bloody boiler is still not working (no hot water since Monday), the house is a tip (but it often is), I need a new windscreen as the stone chip is too old and in the line of vision and is going to cost £60 which I will have to scrape together from somewhere...and I guess I just woke up that way.
Must remember, right side of bed tomorrow. Day for the scales - feeling positive. There are enough clean knickers in this house to fit up the whole village - tomorrow will be a better day!
E xx
Wednesday, 23 September 2009
Not an angel!
It started well. Natural, low fat yoghurt with a teaspoon of honey and a sprinkle of muesli. Then I was baking (6 large cakes with icing) and my finger worked it's way from the mixing bowl to my mouth with rather more frequency than the diet demands. Then I got shunted off the road by a van which was being driven far too fast for little country road and, by the time I had exchanged details, I was going to be late for a funeral so I rushed in, grabbed 2 pieces of seedy bread and spread them with cream cheese and piccallili, got changed, rushed out and made it to the church just in time, but with indigestion. Did well at the tea as only had mineral water and a triangle of ham sandwich. When I got home I had to feed the girls in a hurry so made a pasta bake with tomatoes, sweetcorn and a bit of chorizo sausage that was left in the fridge and a sprinkling of cheese. Then, for no other reason than....1) the boiler still isn't fixed so a) the kitchen is in turmoil b)the sitting room is in turmoil as it's full of everything out of the kitchen c) there is no chance of any hot water, therefore no bath again 2) the funeral couldn't have been more beautiful but they are by nature, emotionally draining and 3) I just did.....I ate two chocolate digestives that were left in the packet I left out for the plumbers and a large piece of Emily's birthday cake - a particularly sickly, gorgeous confection of sponge, jam, butter icing with white fondant icing and loads of love hearts sweets. The latter of course, was actually eaten in about 10 small pieces with me kidding myself that I was only having a taster - 10 times!
Also, having bumped my car, I proceeded to eat all the painstakingly grown nails off my left hand - not calorific in any way but bloody annoying in every way! Now I can't decide whether to just go for it and thoroughly enjoy biting all the nails off my right hand or try re-growing the ones on my left. What a dilemma! I wonder if nail biting (which I have done automatically since I got teeth and really annoys me) is in any way connected with subconsciously transferring food to mouth, therefore, being over weight - we need a survey!
Anyway, the upshot of it is that I am disappointed in myself. Tomorrow I am playing tennis at 10am and then cleaning this filthy house (if I get hot water back on), proof reading and taking the dog on a route march walk. Thankfully, I'm not weighing myself until Friday so there's time to vindicate myself.
Sorry folks, but I'm only human!
E xx
Also, having bumped my car, I proceeded to eat all the painstakingly grown nails off my left hand - not calorific in any way but bloody annoying in every way! Now I can't decide whether to just go for it and thoroughly enjoy biting all the nails off my right hand or try re-growing the ones on my left. What a dilemma! I wonder if nail biting (which I have done automatically since I got teeth and really annoys me) is in any way connected with subconsciously transferring food to mouth, therefore, being over weight - we need a survey!
Anyway, the upshot of it is that I am disappointed in myself. Tomorrow I am playing tennis at 10am and then cleaning this filthy house (if I get hot water back on), proof reading and taking the dog on a route march walk. Thankfully, I'm not weighing myself until Friday so there's time to vindicate myself.
Sorry folks, but I'm only human!
E xx
Tuesday, 22 September 2009
My baby is 18 today!
14st 9lb. Single figures - it did look good. I was really chuffed. Unfortunately feeling under the weather with stinking headache most of the day and I am whacked.
Felt inspired by the comment left after yesterday's blog (you might think I inspire you, but, I can assure you, it really cheers me along when I know someone appreciates my ramblings and leaves a comment - do feel free to suggest topics of conversation or interest) and ate the last grapefruit for breakfast. I was really hungry all morning at work but had a small ham salad for lunch and didn't pinch so much as a single chip out of the fryer. Tonight was a different story as I went out of dinner with my three gorgeous girls and Emily's boyfriend, Ben (of Relentless fame). I had a thai style clam dish as a starter. It was excellent and I left the delicious looking bread at the other end of the table, didn't eat so much as a crumb and ate with a fork not a spoon so left the creamy, spicy sauce in the bowl. Good start. I then had a fresh seared tuna salad with tomatoes, caramelised onions and parmesan. Superb. Then I whipped a chip off my daughter's plate (a huge, big, fat, hand cut, fluffy perfect chip), got a shaking head in disbelief from Ben (living up to his name) so halved it and dipped it in her pea puree (it was a posh place - they don't do mushies!). Then I had a filter coffee (I've given up Latte's) and unfortunately a hand made chocolate truffle (oh, come on...relent!). All in all, not bad I felt.
I had been contemplating during the day, bringing up the subject of daughter's birthday. Then, towards the end of the meal, sensitive middle daughter piped up with, "So Mum, what does it feel like to be so old that you've got an 18 year old daughter". What! I wasn't going to put it quite like that! However, she is barking up the right tree. It's not so much that I feel so old that I've got an 18 year old, it's whether I feel old enough. I have looked at her in wonderment from the day she was born. She was a beautiful baby (all big eyes and lots of black hair) and is a stunner now (not putting myself down for once, but she really is nothing like me!). She has always been intelligent, competent, fiercely independent and so messy that her room resembles a skip awaiting collection. But now she's legally an adult. She's setting out into unchartered waters without me. I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life and now we're discussing what she wants to do with hers!
I remember being 18 as if it were yesterday. I loved that age - you could test being grown up (and thought you knew everything) but you were easily forgiven for any mistakes because you were still young. I still regularly see two friends from my school days and, to me, we really are no different. We are all still totally identifiable on school photos (I'm 6 stone heavier but inside I'm still the same). I keep expecting someone (anyone?) to say, "Gosh, I can't believe you have a daughter of 18". But they never do. On the inside I feel too young but on the outside I'm 44 years old and of course perfectly old enough.
So, what does it feel like? To walk into a lovely restaurant with three lovely, healthy, confident girls? Like the proudest mother on earth. Like a happy, plumped up mother hen with the three fluffiest chicks in the farmyard! I can't give you material things, my lovely girls but I hope I give you the confidence that comes from knowing you are loved, cherished and admired.
Happy Birthday, eldest chick. You make me very happy.
E xx
Felt inspired by the comment left after yesterday's blog (you might think I inspire you, but, I can assure you, it really cheers me along when I know someone appreciates my ramblings and leaves a comment - do feel free to suggest topics of conversation or interest) and ate the last grapefruit for breakfast. I was really hungry all morning at work but had a small ham salad for lunch and didn't pinch so much as a single chip out of the fryer. Tonight was a different story as I went out of dinner with my three gorgeous girls and Emily's boyfriend, Ben (of Relentless fame). I had a thai style clam dish as a starter. It was excellent and I left the delicious looking bread at the other end of the table, didn't eat so much as a crumb and ate with a fork not a spoon so left the creamy, spicy sauce in the bowl. Good start. I then had a fresh seared tuna salad with tomatoes, caramelised onions and parmesan. Superb. Then I whipped a chip off my daughter's plate (a huge, big, fat, hand cut, fluffy perfect chip), got a shaking head in disbelief from Ben (living up to his name) so halved it and dipped it in her pea puree (it was a posh place - they don't do mushies!). Then I had a filter coffee (I've given up Latte's) and unfortunately a hand made chocolate truffle (oh, come on...relent!). All in all, not bad I felt.
I had been contemplating during the day, bringing up the subject of daughter's birthday. Then, towards the end of the meal, sensitive middle daughter piped up with, "So Mum, what does it feel like to be so old that you've got an 18 year old daughter". What! I wasn't going to put it quite like that! However, she is barking up the right tree. It's not so much that I feel so old that I've got an 18 year old, it's whether I feel old enough. I have looked at her in wonderment from the day she was born. She was a beautiful baby (all big eyes and lots of black hair) and is a stunner now (not putting myself down for once, but she really is nothing like me!). She has always been intelligent, competent, fiercely independent and so messy that her room resembles a skip awaiting collection. But now she's legally an adult. She's setting out into unchartered waters without me. I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life and now we're discussing what she wants to do with hers!
I remember being 18 as if it were yesterday. I loved that age - you could test being grown up (and thought you knew everything) but you were easily forgiven for any mistakes because you were still young. I still regularly see two friends from my school days and, to me, we really are no different. We are all still totally identifiable on school photos (I'm 6 stone heavier but inside I'm still the same). I keep expecting someone (anyone?) to say, "Gosh, I can't believe you have a daughter of 18". But they never do. On the inside I feel too young but on the outside I'm 44 years old and of course perfectly old enough.
So, what does it feel like? To walk into a lovely restaurant with three lovely, healthy, confident girls? Like the proudest mother on earth. Like a happy, plumped up mother hen with the three fluffiest chicks in the farmyard! I can't give you material things, my lovely girls but I hope I give you the confidence that comes from knowing you are loved, cherished and admired.
Happy Birthday, eldest chick. You make me very happy.
E xx
Monday, 21 September 2009
Body shape
Not a weigh in day - this is the first time since I started this exercise that I will actually have lasted 3 days without hopping on the scales (and then off, on again, off, a little kick, on again - give up!) Tomorrow is the day for the scales and I am hopeful of another pound off - I have been enjoying my diet and being sensible. Today, I skipped the grapefruit and ended up with a piece of seedy toast (it had seeds in, not that it was a regular in strip joints) as I was late for work. For lunch I had a chopped up tomato with a boiled egg and for supper, again in a hurry, I had a slice of bread with cherry tomatoes, cucumber, prawns and peppered smoked mackerel. We shall see.
After yesterday's discussion (if it could be described as that) I thought I'd look up body shape on the internet. Apple, hourglass, skittle, vase, cornet, lollipop, column, bell, cornet, cello, pear, brick - the twelve different body shapes as defined by Trinny & Susannah. I remember their programmes and they always rattled on about underwear - I am inclined to agree. Even though I am a large peary cello I think, I look so much better without lumps and bumps - there are so many that I could have a new mountain range named after me! I was always a great fan of those tum and bum tights from a well known department store - but I do get fed up of spending a fiver on a pair of tights and then sticking my finger through them first time on in the effort to force them up and over the bulk. Once in place however, they do give a smooth line. Unlike control pants. I have succumbed and purchased them on a number of occasions offering various solutions. They are all in the drawer, having been worn once. The theory of course, is that they hold it all in and flatten bumps - in my experience, they just push it all elsewhere. The last ones I bought certainly slimmed my hips - but my thighs literally jumped out from the bottom of the pants with a 2" solid ledge at either side. I once saw a sketch in which I think Jennifer Saunders put on various "slimming garments" - each to slim out the one before - ending up with an enormous chin and cheeks. Every woman who has ever bought a pair, can relate to her. They always give me stomach ache too - it must be the crushed organs!
Anyway, according to Trinny & Susannah, the lollipop is "sex on a stick, the female equivalent of the ferrari". God forbid, you should be a brick! With a name like that, you're never going to feel like a siren are you?
Work tomorrow. Busy day. Eldest daughter's 18th birthday - going to a gorgeous restaurant for supper (lots of fish though so I could be good!)
E xx
After yesterday's discussion (if it could be described as that) I thought I'd look up body shape on the internet. Apple, hourglass, skittle, vase, cornet, lollipop, column, bell, cornet, cello, pear, brick - the twelve different body shapes as defined by Trinny & Susannah. I remember their programmes and they always rattled on about underwear - I am inclined to agree. Even though I am a large peary cello I think, I look so much better without lumps and bumps - there are so many that I could have a new mountain range named after me! I was always a great fan of those tum and bum tights from a well known department store - but I do get fed up of spending a fiver on a pair of tights and then sticking my finger through them first time on in the effort to force them up and over the bulk. Once in place however, they do give a smooth line. Unlike control pants. I have succumbed and purchased them on a number of occasions offering various solutions. They are all in the drawer, having been worn once. The theory of course, is that they hold it all in and flatten bumps - in my experience, they just push it all elsewhere. The last ones I bought certainly slimmed my hips - but my thighs literally jumped out from the bottom of the pants with a 2" solid ledge at either side. I once saw a sketch in which I think Jennifer Saunders put on various "slimming garments" - each to slim out the one before - ending up with an enormous chin and cheeks. Every woman who has ever bought a pair, can relate to her. They always give me stomach ache too - it must be the crushed organs!
Anyway, according to Trinny & Susannah, the lollipop is "sex on a stick, the female equivalent of the ferrari". God forbid, you should be a brick! With a name like that, you're never going to feel like a siren are you?
Work tomorrow. Busy day. Eldest daughter's 18th birthday - going to a gorgeous restaurant for supper (lots of fish though so I could be good!)
E xx
Sunday, 20 September 2009
Not feeling serious
Sorry folks, I know it's Serious Subject Sunday but I think I jumped the gun and did the serious subject on Saturday - two doses of my lectures in two days may just be too much to handle.
It has been a fantastic day up here in Wensleydale.
I remember in the early days of our relationship, when my partner was still trying to woo me, I was away on business for five days at a food show. It was March and had rained and even snowed the whole time I was away. On my last morning, I woke to glorious sunshine, as did he back home. I was sitting having breakfast when my phone pipped to tell me I had a message - it read, "Wall ter wall sunshine here - must be coz yer comin home!"
I fell in love on the spot.
Anyway, today was a similar day - not a cloud in the sky and that lovely crisp air that heralds the arrival of the Autumn. I went to church, put the washing on the line, cooked a roast chicken lunch (and a dark chocolate mousse for pud which I didn't even taste!) and then we decided to drive over to Swaledale and look for suitable views for the cover photo for my book. It is my favourite Dale - all sweeping, lonely, heather clad moors on top of a patchwork of dry stone walled pastures and nestling villages.
The love of the man is never in doubt but the romancing is questionable.
He started well, having taken me down a short cut which involved bouncing over very rough tracks (references to free Slendertone) and opening gates. As I opened the first, I had to lean over to uncatch the hook. "Bye, that's a fine sight!" he shouts out of the window. Not bad so far.
Next, he wants to show me a barn that's for sale, right up on a hill side, with no access, no water and no electricity. Stunning views and it does have a chimney as was once, a very long time ago, a house. It is tiny and a) I would feel like the old woman that lived in a shoe (where would I put the girls?) and b) by the time we could afford to do it up, even if planning permission was obtainable, I would look like the aforementioned old woman! I am fantasising about keeping hens, pigs, having a veggie patch, reading, writing....I'm already there. He interrupts my tranquil, happy thoughts and we have the following conversation (we are very deep and meaningful in our house!):
"It was built for you, this house".
"Why?" I respond.
"It's called Pear House - you're a classic pear."
"I'm not a pear!"
"You look like a pear to me - well, a pear with boobs."
"That makes me an hour glass, thank you very much!"
"Don't get me started on that again!" (ref. Day 7, End of week 1)
So, I'm a pear with boobs. Is this a compliment? He certainly seemed to think so. He is worrying that most of my weight is going from my ample bosom - in fact, I think he's worrying that it's going at all. He made the rash promise at the beginning of the year, when I was a very sturdy, safe 16st 2lb, that he would "marry me when he could carry me."
I'm sure he seems to be walking with a bit of a stoop and making increasingly frequent references to his bad back.......
He's the best.
E xx
PS Ref Advoco's comment - yes, up to date photos would be a good idea. Even the thought of having to pose in a leotard is enough to send me for the nearest cream cake - there is only so much public humiliation one woman can take!
It has been a fantastic day up here in Wensleydale.
I remember in the early days of our relationship, when my partner was still trying to woo me, I was away on business for five days at a food show. It was March and had rained and even snowed the whole time I was away. On my last morning, I woke to glorious sunshine, as did he back home. I was sitting having breakfast when my phone pipped to tell me I had a message - it read, "Wall ter wall sunshine here - must be coz yer comin home!"
I fell in love on the spot.
Anyway, today was a similar day - not a cloud in the sky and that lovely crisp air that heralds the arrival of the Autumn. I went to church, put the washing on the line, cooked a roast chicken lunch (and a dark chocolate mousse for pud which I didn't even taste!) and then we decided to drive over to Swaledale and look for suitable views for the cover photo for my book. It is my favourite Dale - all sweeping, lonely, heather clad moors on top of a patchwork of dry stone walled pastures and nestling villages.
The love of the man is never in doubt but the romancing is questionable.
He started well, having taken me down a short cut which involved bouncing over very rough tracks (references to free Slendertone) and opening gates. As I opened the first, I had to lean over to uncatch the hook. "Bye, that's a fine sight!" he shouts out of the window. Not bad so far.
Next, he wants to show me a barn that's for sale, right up on a hill side, with no access, no water and no electricity. Stunning views and it does have a chimney as was once, a very long time ago, a house. It is tiny and a) I would feel like the old woman that lived in a shoe (where would I put the girls?) and b) by the time we could afford to do it up, even if planning permission was obtainable, I would look like the aforementioned old woman! I am fantasising about keeping hens, pigs, having a veggie patch, reading, writing....I'm already there. He interrupts my tranquil, happy thoughts and we have the following conversation (we are very deep and meaningful in our house!):
"It was built for you, this house".
"Why?" I respond.
"It's called Pear House - you're a classic pear."
"I'm not a pear!"
"You look like a pear to me - well, a pear with boobs."
"That makes me an hour glass, thank you very much!"
"Don't get me started on that again!" (ref. Day 7, End of week 1)
So, I'm a pear with boobs. Is this a compliment? He certainly seemed to think so. He is worrying that most of my weight is going from my ample bosom - in fact, I think he's worrying that it's going at all. He made the rash promise at the beginning of the year, when I was a very sturdy, safe 16st 2lb, that he would "marry me when he could carry me."
I'm sure he seems to be walking with a bit of a stoop and making increasingly frequent references to his bad back.......
He's the best.
E xx
PS Ref Advoco's comment - yes, up to date photos would be a good idea. Even the thought of having to pose in a leotard is enough to send me for the nearest cream cake - there is only so much public humiliation one woman can take!
Saturday, 19 September 2009
Put it all in perspective
14st 10lb. Good news and I am very happy - 12lbs off now which is great and I know I am going to carry on and live a healthier life. After the grapefruit got me off to such a flying start yesterday, I decided to carry on and have a meat free, veggie-packed day. For lunch I had a boiled egg and some yoghurt, then for supper a very little baked potato with ratatouille & red cabbage. I didn't get round to playing tennis but have managed a couple of sets today. Since the grapefruit was still in the fridge, I decided to let it work its magic today as well - I have enough for tomorrow and then time will tell as to whether or not I ever peel another one. If it continues to have such positive effect, I may be tempted to train my taste buds.
Two things happened today which made me reflective (and sorry, it's not even Serious Subject Sunday!). Firstly, I went in to work, not to do any as such, just to use the kitchen as it is so much bigger for preparation than my own (if ever I make my millions, I want a kitchen like my friend Bev's - the centre island, complete with Aga, is bigger than my whole kitchen). I needed some veg from the wholesale greengrocers on the industrial estate and when coming out I noticed that my old business unit has become Kudu Bikes more or less overnight (great young entrepreneurial couple run it - well worth a look for anything from kid's first bike to real, top of the range mountain bikes - not that I'm a regular except for the girls' birthdays! http://www.kudubikes.co.uk/). They started up in a little unit next door to mine at approximately the same time and have steadily expanded. I am really pleased for them but it did bring back some difficult memories of the time I went bust. Every day, you read in the papers about the number of businesses going into administration and my heart aches for them - the feeling of utter misery and dejection is so debilitating. Losing everything you have ever worked for is devastating but, on a more positive note, you must get over it and realise that, although life may be totally different, it is still life and can still be so fulfilling.
The other thing follows on from the above. Today is the "Grand Auction" for the "Running for Helen" campaign, raising money for Marie Curie and I was pleased to be asked to help with supplying some of the food and helping with the preparations. Helen is a 42 year old mother and an inspiration to us all. She has terminal cancer which she has been "fighting" for over 5 years now. She has survived well past her initial prognosis and continues, with her husband, Gary, to fund raise tirelessly and put cancer care into the public consciousness. Gary is running the New York Marathon in October with 16 colleagues and friends and they are hoping to raise £500K for Marie Curie. Cancer is a cruel, indiscriminate disease that affects us all, as I have mentioned before - when my lovely sister died of it at the age of 21, on the cusp of what I am certain would have been a full life, I promised not to get to 70 and look back with regret at things I had or had not done. Seeing Helen today, so full of enthusiasm for the coming event, made me wonder if I have been fulfilling my promise lately. I felt truly humbled.
We are so fortunate to have the opportunity and freedom to take control of something that is affecting our health. I hope that tonight's event is a sell out success and that Helen and Gary feel the pride and sense of fulfilment that they deserve. (www.justgiving.com/running-for-Helen)
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow!
E xx
Two things happened today which made me reflective (and sorry, it's not even Serious Subject Sunday!). Firstly, I went in to work, not to do any as such, just to use the kitchen as it is so much bigger for preparation than my own (if ever I make my millions, I want a kitchen like my friend Bev's - the centre island, complete with Aga, is bigger than my whole kitchen). I needed some veg from the wholesale greengrocers on the industrial estate and when coming out I noticed that my old business unit has become Kudu Bikes more or less overnight (great young entrepreneurial couple run it - well worth a look for anything from kid's first bike to real, top of the range mountain bikes - not that I'm a regular except for the girls' birthdays! http://www.kudubikes.co.uk/). They started up in a little unit next door to mine at approximately the same time and have steadily expanded. I am really pleased for them but it did bring back some difficult memories of the time I went bust. Every day, you read in the papers about the number of businesses going into administration and my heart aches for them - the feeling of utter misery and dejection is so debilitating. Losing everything you have ever worked for is devastating but, on a more positive note, you must get over it and realise that, although life may be totally different, it is still life and can still be so fulfilling.
The other thing follows on from the above. Today is the "Grand Auction" for the "Running for Helen" campaign, raising money for Marie Curie and I was pleased to be asked to help with supplying some of the food and helping with the preparations. Helen is a 42 year old mother and an inspiration to us all. She has terminal cancer which she has been "fighting" for over 5 years now. She has survived well past her initial prognosis and continues, with her husband, Gary, to fund raise tirelessly and put cancer care into the public consciousness. Gary is running the New York Marathon in October with 16 colleagues and friends and they are hoping to raise £500K for Marie Curie. Cancer is a cruel, indiscriminate disease that affects us all, as I have mentioned before - when my lovely sister died of it at the age of 21, on the cusp of what I am certain would have been a full life, I promised not to get to 70 and look back with regret at things I had or had not done. Seeing Helen today, so full of enthusiasm for the coming event, made me wonder if I have been fulfilling my promise lately. I felt truly humbled.
We are so fortunate to have the opportunity and freedom to take control of something that is affecting our health. I hope that tonight's event is a sell out success and that Helen and Gary feel the pride and sense of fulfilment that they deserve. (www.justgiving.com/running-for-Helen)
Serious Subject Sunday tomorrow!
E xx
Friday, 18 September 2009
Shrink in horror!
14st 12lb. Well this one could be debated as the scales said 14st 11lb first and then 14st 12 twice afterwards - I decided to go with the best of three and save any definite loss for another day. My middle daughter was with me and couldn't believe my restraint. I think one of the morals of the story is to invest in some scales that weigh accurately and won't vary everytime you stand on them.
On a positive note, my lovely photographers said yesterday that I was definitely looking slimmer and healthier than two weeks ago - result! In answer to your comments, don't worry Jen, no intention of falling off the wagon. Shame on you Advoco for suggesting Bacardi Breezers and pork scratchings - it would have to be Bailey's and chocolate brownies! Liked your article on ehow - sensible advice, thanks.
I have done something very unusual. I have voluntarily eaten grapefruit for breakfast. To say this is a rarity is an understatement. I see grapefruit on the shelves and it screams "you are on a diet, podge, eat me!". I ignore it. I hate them. Who wants to eat a fruit that makes you purse your mouth like a dog's bottom - I'm not a pretty sight at the best of times at the breakfast table. I have visions of my father, who professes to love grapefruit, standing in the kitchen, looking as if he is swallowing a wasp. No, for me it's the comfort of warm Weetabix, porridge or natural yoghurt with muesli. I love breakfast and couldn't skip it (unless I'm very wired and need to be off to work) - I was born at 7.30am, just in time for breakfast, and I think it's had a profound influence on my eating habits. I would be the perfect advert for the "Kelloggs Challenge" where two meals a day are cereal - if I didn't eat my normal excess of food as well.
Well, yesterday I had to make a citrus salad for a photograph for the cook book - it was a combination of white and pink grapefruit, oranges and fresh mint. It looked gorgeous all juicy and inviting in the morning sun - "get up and zing with a citrus salad" (I don't actually say that).
Anyway, it seemed a shame to waste all that preparation so I decided to be virtuous (and I was feeling a little stodgy after yesterday's little pickings) and have some for breakfast. As it took the inner lining off my mouth, I swallowed it and....my stomach is instantly flatter and I've lost 10inches off my waist. It's the shock of the sour - everything shrinks in horror. It's great! I'm going to retrain my taste buds to have this experience at least 3 times a week! I will be skinny in no time. And I'm going to play tennis today - oh the virtue, the halo is gleaming, I am light as air!
Look out tomorrow as I am sure this is going to be the day when the scales finally realise they have been ignoring my efforts (then I'm going back to twice a week weigh in again).
Happy days! xx
On a positive note, my lovely photographers said yesterday that I was definitely looking slimmer and healthier than two weeks ago - result! In answer to your comments, don't worry Jen, no intention of falling off the wagon. Shame on you Advoco for suggesting Bacardi Breezers and pork scratchings - it would have to be Bailey's and chocolate brownies! Liked your article on ehow - sensible advice, thanks.
I have done something very unusual. I have voluntarily eaten grapefruit for breakfast. To say this is a rarity is an understatement. I see grapefruit on the shelves and it screams "you are on a diet, podge, eat me!". I ignore it. I hate them. Who wants to eat a fruit that makes you purse your mouth like a dog's bottom - I'm not a pretty sight at the best of times at the breakfast table. I have visions of my father, who professes to love grapefruit, standing in the kitchen, looking as if he is swallowing a wasp. No, for me it's the comfort of warm Weetabix, porridge or natural yoghurt with muesli. I love breakfast and couldn't skip it (unless I'm very wired and need to be off to work) - I was born at 7.30am, just in time for breakfast, and I think it's had a profound influence on my eating habits. I would be the perfect advert for the "Kelloggs Challenge" where two meals a day are cereal - if I didn't eat my normal excess of food as well.
Well, yesterday I had to make a citrus salad for a photograph for the cook book - it was a combination of white and pink grapefruit, oranges and fresh mint. It looked gorgeous all juicy and inviting in the morning sun - "get up and zing with a citrus salad" (I don't actually say that).
Anyway, it seemed a shame to waste all that preparation so I decided to be virtuous (and I was feeling a little stodgy after yesterday's little pickings) and have some for breakfast. As it took the inner lining off my mouth, I swallowed it and....my stomach is instantly flatter and I've lost 10inches off my waist. It's the shock of the sour - everything shrinks in horror. It's great! I'm going to retrain my taste buds to have this experience at least 3 times a week! I will be skinny in no time. And I'm going to play tennis today - oh the virtue, the halo is gleaming, I am light as air!
Look out tomorrow as I am sure this is going to be the day when the scales finally realise they have been ignoring my efforts (then I'm going back to twice a week weigh in again).
Happy days! xx
Thursday, 17 September 2009
That's better!
14st 12lb. I know, I said I wouldn't weigh myself daily but I was so livid yesterday that I decided to go for it this morning - glad I did as I am now back where I was last weekend (which is irritating but rather better than yesterday!).
I was telling my mother about my problem with the scales. She is in Cornwall at the moment looking after my Granny. I would say that a lot of my insecurities with my size stem from my Mum. She is, in my opinion, a very attractive, incredibly capable woman with a wicked sense of humour. However, she was born a 10lb baby and carried on as a relatively big child (although not really by today's standards) and she was always a statuesque woman. Her mother on the other hand, was a very pretty, petite woman whom men adored (none more so than my Grandpa) and Mum has major issues of disappointment and inadequacy with regards to my Granny. She has lost and regained 5 stone on at least 3 occasions and I have never known her have any self confidence where her looks are concerned - she excels even more than me at the art of self deprecation and always rejects compliments.
Anyway, she is currently on a very determined diet and, like myself, she plans to stay healthier for the rest of her life (we both have a fear of ending our days on top of 6 sweating, puce men saying "one, two, three, brace yourselves boys, she was a big lass!"). She has lost loads of weight and is so much more fit as a result. Yesterday she was in Boots and decided to take the plunge and get weighed. She put her money in the slot and stepped on. The machine immediately said in a fairly loud voice (in a fairly small store), "stand with your feet straight and pointing forward". She was so alarmed and filled with fear that the machine was about to announce her weight to the entire shop so she bent forward to squint at the instructions. The machine chose that moment to take her height (she didn't realise it did) and then her weight. She said she had never experienced such relief as when the machine quietly dispensed a little piece of paper and her dignity was intact. When she read the verdict it said she was an obese 5ft 4ins - she's actually 5ft 7ins (used to be 5ft 9 but she's shrinking) and was filled with indignation. I did laugh!
As for me, busy day with loads of cooking of far too tempting delicious food - I have eaten yoghurt & muesli for breakfast; watercress soup with a bit of homemade bread for lunch; ratatouille, spiced red cabbage & a bit of dauphinoise potatoes for supper - and far too many walnuts, morsels of brownie conveniently stuck to the parchment paper, tea loaf (did feel guilty and threw some to the ducks - we were photographing at Lake Semerwater). All in all, not a great day as I am sure I have nibbled more morsels than I would like to admit to. Feeling a little bloated.
Will be better tomorrow. Promise.
E xx
I was telling my mother about my problem with the scales. She is in Cornwall at the moment looking after my Granny. I would say that a lot of my insecurities with my size stem from my Mum. She is, in my opinion, a very attractive, incredibly capable woman with a wicked sense of humour. However, she was born a 10lb baby and carried on as a relatively big child (although not really by today's standards) and she was always a statuesque woman. Her mother on the other hand, was a very pretty, petite woman whom men adored (none more so than my Grandpa) and Mum has major issues of disappointment and inadequacy with regards to my Granny. She has lost and regained 5 stone on at least 3 occasions and I have never known her have any self confidence where her looks are concerned - she excels even more than me at the art of self deprecation and always rejects compliments.
Anyway, she is currently on a very determined diet and, like myself, she plans to stay healthier for the rest of her life (we both have a fear of ending our days on top of 6 sweating, puce men saying "one, two, three, brace yourselves boys, she was a big lass!"). She has lost loads of weight and is so much more fit as a result. Yesterday she was in Boots and decided to take the plunge and get weighed. She put her money in the slot and stepped on. The machine immediately said in a fairly loud voice (in a fairly small store), "stand with your feet straight and pointing forward". She was so alarmed and filled with fear that the machine was about to announce her weight to the entire shop so she bent forward to squint at the instructions. The machine chose that moment to take her height (she didn't realise it did) and then her weight. She said she had never experienced such relief as when the machine quietly dispensed a little piece of paper and her dignity was intact. When she read the verdict it said she was an obese 5ft 4ins - she's actually 5ft 7ins (used to be 5ft 9 but she's shrinking) and was filled with indignation. I did laugh!
As for me, busy day with loads of cooking of far too tempting delicious food - I have eaten yoghurt & muesli for breakfast; watercress soup with a bit of homemade bread for lunch; ratatouille, spiced red cabbage & a bit of dauphinoise potatoes for supper - and far too many walnuts, morsels of brownie conveniently stuck to the parchment paper, tea loaf (did feel guilty and threw some to the ducks - we were photographing at Lake Semerwater). All in all, not a great day as I am sure I have nibbled more morsels than I would like to admit to. Feeling a little bloated.
Will be better tomorrow. Promise.
E xx
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Right, that's it!
15st 0lb. In the words of Victor Meldrew, "I don't believe it!"
I hobbled down the stairs this morning (wincing from the pain of my aching muscles) singing, "you are about to be very happy" and then STOOD ON THE SCALES!!!! 2lb ON. WHAT THE HELL???? I nudged the scales round the room 4 times and once managed to get it to 14st 12lb but I was nearly falling over through leaning back and decided it didn't count. I was going to have to admit it to you all and accept my fury. I am now back where I was on the 1st of September - 2 weeks ago. It is incomprehensible. I even said a prayer before I got on the scales - in fact, I am beginning to wonder if it is Him getting his own back and letting me know that He is not in fact running a weight loss club, He is there for much greater, more important matters. Let us not be in any doubt, God, THIS MATTERS!!!!!
I shall recount the last two days to you and see if you think any of this is right. On Monday morning the alarm went off at 4.30am and I was at work by 5am, having not had any breakfast (I am always on my nerves at the start of these days as so much depends upon them going well and it is ultimately my responsibility to ensure that they do). I made 10 dozen scones, lit the fire, put out some tables and chairs and got started on breakfast prepping. By 7am, I could grab a cup of tea and by 7.30am breakfast was in full swing. During the course of the day, I grabbed glasses of water to keep me hydrated and didn't look up from the counter for the next 7 hours. At 3pm I took a quick break to go to the bank, taking a beef & horseradish roll with me. When I finally got home at 11pm having been on my feet and cooking all day, I ate two Weetabixes with hot skimmed milk and a sprinkle of sugar. I went to bed and slept like a baby (albeit, a baby with very sore feet and aching legs) until 4.30am on Tuesday, when the day repeated itself although I had an egg & cress roll instead of beef. Exciting. Now, during the course of the day, I will have eaten little morsels of food which, if stuck together may add up to one piece of cake or scone but absolutely no more. I even took a fork of cheesecake at one point and threw it in the bin as the little angel on my shoulder screeched that it was a waste of calories.
So, 2 days, four Weetabixes, two filled rolls and a slice of cheesecake equivalent. AND A 2LB GAIN IN WEIGHT. Where is the justice in that? Now before you go saying, "she's not eating enought to burn fat, her body is in starvation mode", that is rubbish. There is nothing starving or anything else about this body. The deprived people in the aid camps of Africa are starving. My partner, bless him, suggested that the scales are wrong. I pointed out that if he or one of the children stepped on them, it wouldn't say they were 15 stone. They are not the best scales in the world but they are in the region of the right weight. Also, don't go saying that I must have sub consciously pinched alot more than one piece of cheesecake - no I did not! Not one single chips out of over 100 large bags, passed my lips I can assure you.
The only good thing is that I feel slimmer. I look better (although knackered today) and my skin is a better tone. My jeans can now be removed without undoing them (not a party trick for the general public) and generally my clothes are more comfortable.
I am fully expecting that any day now, the scales are going to suddenly show a great big loss and, if they could speak, they would say, "I am so sorry, Podge, I've been forgetting to deduct your weight for weeks now, you are actually only 14st 3lbs. I hope I haven't put you off your stroke!" What do you think are the chances?
Anyway, my first inclination this morning was "Right, that really is it, I've had enough". That's it. What is? What am I going to do? Start eating too much of a good (and bad) thing again and put back the little progress I have made?
No, I decided to have a Weetabix and a cup of tea, go back to bed, put the electric blanket on and sort out some work stuff on the computer.
Tomorrow will come. It will come off when it's ready.
E xx
I hobbled down the stairs this morning (wincing from the pain of my aching muscles) singing, "you are about to be very happy" and then STOOD ON THE SCALES!!!! 2lb ON. WHAT THE HELL???? I nudged the scales round the room 4 times and once managed to get it to 14st 12lb but I was nearly falling over through leaning back and decided it didn't count. I was going to have to admit it to you all and accept my fury. I am now back where I was on the 1st of September - 2 weeks ago. It is incomprehensible. I even said a prayer before I got on the scales - in fact, I am beginning to wonder if it is Him getting his own back and letting me know that He is not in fact running a weight loss club, He is there for much greater, more important matters. Let us not be in any doubt, God, THIS MATTERS!!!!!
I shall recount the last two days to you and see if you think any of this is right. On Monday morning the alarm went off at 4.30am and I was at work by 5am, having not had any breakfast (I am always on my nerves at the start of these days as so much depends upon them going well and it is ultimately my responsibility to ensure that they do). I made 10 dozen scones, lit the fire, put out some tables and chairs and got started on breakfast prepping. By 7am, I could grab a cup of tea and by 7.30am breakfast was in full swing. During the course of the day, I grabbed glasses of water to keep me hydrated and didn't look up from the counter for the next 7 hours. At 3pm I took a quick break to go to the bank, taking a beef & horseradish roll with me. When I finally got home at 11pm having been on my feet and cooking all day, I ate two Weetabixes with hot skimmed milk and a sprinkle of sugar. I went to bed and slept like a baby (albeit, a baby with very sore feet and aching legs) until 4.30am on Tuesday, when the day repeated itself although I had an egg & cress roll instead of beef. Exciting. Now, during the course of the day, I will have eaten little morsels of food which, if stuck together may add up to one piece of cake or scone but absolutely no more. I even took a fork of cheesecake at one point and threw it in the bin as the little angel on my shoulder screeched that it was a waste of calories.
So, 2 days, four Weetabixes, two filled rolls and a slice of cheesecake equivalent. AND A 2LB GAIN IN WEIGHT. Where is the justice in that? Now before you go saying, "she's not eating enought to burn fat, her body is in starvation mode", that is rubbish. There is nothing starving or anything else about this body. The deprived people in the aid camps of Africa are starving. My partner, bless him, suggested that the scales are wrong. I pointed out that if he or one of the children stepped on them, it wouldn't say they were 15 stone. They are not the best scales in the world but they are in the region of the right weight. Also, don't go saying that I must have sub consciously pinched alot more than one piece of cheesecake - no I did not! Not one single chips out of over 100 large bags, passed my lips I can assure you.
The only good thing is that I feel slimmer. I look better (although knackered today) and my skin is a better tone. My jeans can now be removed without undoing them (not a party trick for the general public) and generally my clothes are more comfortable.
I am fully expecting that any day now, the scales are going to suddenly show a great big loss and, if they could speak, they would say, "I am so sorry, Podge, I've been forgetting to deduct your weight for weeks now, you are actually only 14st 3lbs. I hope I haven't put you off your stroke!" What do you think are the chances?
Anyway, my first inclination this morning was "Right, that really is it, I've had enough". That's it. What is? What am I going to do? Start eating too much of a good (and bad) thing again and put back the little progress I have made?
No, I decided to have a Weetabix and a cup of tea, go back to bed, put the electric blanket on and sort out some work stuff on the computer.
Tomorrow will come. It will come off when it's ready.
E xx
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