My baby is 18 today!

14st 9lb. Single figures - it did look good. I was really chuffed. Unfortunately feeling under the weather with stinking headache most of the day and I am whacked.

Felt inspired by the comment left after yesterday's blog (you might think I inspire you, but, I can assure you, it really cheers me along when I know someone appreciates my ramblings and leaves a comment - do feel free to suggest topics of conversation or interest) and ate the last grapefruit for breakfast. I was really hungry all morning at work but had a small ham salad for lunch and didn't pinch so much as a single chip out of the fryer. Tonight was a different story as I went out of dinner with my three gorgeous girls and Emily's boyfriend, Ben (of Relentless fame). I had a thai style clam dish as a starter. It was excellent and I left the delicious looking bread at the other end of the table, didn't eat so much as a crumb and ate with a fork not a spoon so left the creamy, spicy sauce in the bowl. Good start. I then had a fresh seared tuna salad with tomatoes, caramelised onions and parmesan. Superb. Then I whipped a chip off my daughter's plate (a huge, big, fat, hand cut, fluffy perfect chip), got a shaking head in disbelief from Ben (living up to his name) so halved it and dipped it in her pea puree (it was a posh place - they don't do mushies!). Then I had a filter coffee (I've given up Latte's) and unfortunately a hand made chocolate truffle (oh, come on...relent!). All in all, not bad I felt.

I had been contemplating during the day, bringing up the subject of daughter's birthday. Then, towards the end of the meal, sensitive middle daughter piped up with, "So Mum, what does it feel like to be so old that you've got an 18 year old daughter". What! I wasn't going to put it quite like that! However, she is barking up the right tree. It's not so much that I feel so old that I've got an 18 year old, it's whether I feel old enough. I have looked at her in wonderment from the day she was born. She was a beautiful baby (all big eyes and lots of black hair) and is a stunner now (not putting myself down for once, but she really is nothing like me!). She has always been intelligent, competent, fiercely independent and so messy that her room resembles a skip awaiting collection. But now she's legally an adult. She's setting out into unchartered waters without me. I still haven't worked out what I want to do with my life and now we're discussing what she wants to do with hers!

I remember being 18 as if it were yesterday. I loved that age - you could test being grown up (and thought you knew everything) but you were easily forgiven for any mistakes because you were still young. I still regularly see two friends from my school days and, to me, we really are no different. We are all still totally identifiable on school photos (I'm 6 stone heavier but inside I'm still the same). I keep expecting someone (anyone?) to say, "Gosh, I can't believe you have a daughter of 18". But they never do. On the inside I feel too young but on the outside I'm 44 years old and of course perfectly old enough.

So, what does it feel like? To walk into a lovely restaurant with three lovely, healthy, confident girls? Like the proudest mother on earth. Like a happy, plumped up mother hen with the three fluffiest chicks in the farmyard! I can't give you material things, my lovely girls but I hope I give you the confidence that comes from knowing you are loved, cherished and admired.

Happy Birthday, eldest chick. You make me very happy.

E xx