That's better!

14st 12lb. I know, I said I wouldn't weigh myself daily but I was so livid yesterday that I decided to go for it this morning - glad I did as I am now back where I was last weekend (which is irritating but rather better than yesterday!).

I was telling my mother about my problem with the scales. She is in Cornwall at the moment looking after my Granny. I would say that a lot of my insecurities with my size stem from my Mum. She is, in my opinion, a very attractive, incredibly capable woman with a wicked sense of humour. However, she was born a 10lb baby and carried on as a relatively big child (although not really by today's standards) and she was always a statuesque woman. Her mother on the other hand, was a very pretty, petite woman whom men adored (none more so than my Grandpa) and Mum has major issues of disappointment and inadequacy with regards to my Granny. She has lost and regained 5 stone on at least 3 occasions and I have never known her have any self confidence where her looks are concerned - she excels even more than me at the art of self deprecation and always rejects compliments.

Anyway, she is currently on a very determined diet and, like myself, she plans to stay healthier for the rest of her life (we both have a fear of ending our days on top of 6 sweating, puce men saying "one, two, three, brace yourselves boys, she was a big lass!"). She has lost loads of weight and is so much more fit as a result. Yesterday she was in Boots and decided to take the plunge and get weighed. She put her money in the slot and stepped on. The machine immediately said in a fairly loud voice (in a fairly small store), "stand with your feet straight and pointing forward". She was so alarmed and filled with fear that the machine was about to announce her weight to the entire shop so she bent forward to squint at the instructions. The machine chose that moment to take her height (she didn't realise it did) and then her weight. She said she had never experienced such relief as when the machine quietly dispensed a little piece of paper and her dignity was intact. When she read the verdict it said she was an obese 5ft 4ins - she's actually 5ft 7ins (used to be 5ft 9 but she's shrinking) and was filled with indignation. I did laugh!

As for me, busy day with loads of cooking of far too tempting delicious food - I have eaten yoghurt & muesli for breakfast; watercress soup with a bit of homemade bread for lunch; ratatouille, spiced red cabbage & a bit of dauphinoise potatoes for supper - and far too many walnuts, morsels of brownie conveniently stuck to the parchment paper, tea loaf (did feel guilty and threw some to the ducks - we were photographing at Lake Semerwater). All in all, not a great day as I am sure I have nibbled more morsels than I would like to admit to. Feeling a little bloated.

Will be better tomorrow. Promise.

E xx