Deary, Deary Me!

14st 10lb. I woke up feeling like a Sumo wrestler this morning and instinctively knew the needle on the scales wasn't going to be kind. In fact, I was almost tempted to fib and pretend that I had forgotten to get on them at all.

However, I promised myself at the start of this project, that I was going to be honest and so it will continue. I must, at this point, apologise for my lack of blog for the past two days. It is certainly not lack of interest or that I am in any way "losing it", it is just that my work is so busy at the moment and I am so exhausted when I finally stumble through the door that writing is the last thing on my mind. I manage the cafe at the local Auction Mart and it is the time of year when they sell everything to do with sheep - fat lambs, gimmers, tups (boys), old ewes (like me, past their best). Thankfully, these huge days have been for gimmers which are going off to pastures new to breed - if I happen to leave the kitchen and a cattle wagon of bleeting sheep go past I can wave them off with the knowledge that they are not about to meet their maker. Since I absolutely love a succulent leg of lamb, studded with sprigs of fresh rosemary and cloves of garlic, I am hypocritical to get sentimental about the fate of the little fatties going straight to the abattoir! Anyway, tomorrow we have Leicester Tup day which is massive and will involve working from 5am in the morning to around 2am the following morning, if we're lucky. I will not be blogging!

So, finally I get to the little fact that I have gained 2lb since last Friday. I deserve to have done. I know myself very well and, as I have said before, when I am really busy and focussed on work, I don't even think to eat. However, the last two days at work have been very long but, after the main rush in the mornings, they can be quite steady. Then, I graze. I pinch little bits of food far too often - an end of scone, a small bowl of creamy rice pud with homemade jam and cream (twice), a sliver of blackcurrant cheese cake (4 times), a bowl of porridge with honey when I got home. There is a pattern you may notice - when I am tired (which believe me I am!) I only want sugar. Comfort. Energy. I don't think I am eating too much at all but, I bet if I added up the calories, it would be bigger than I think. Added to which, I am on my poor exhausted legs all day, but not actually exercising.

What's to do? To be honest, get through the big days as best I can and sort it out afterwards. After tomorrow, I have no more mamouth days until the end of October so I have no excuses. It worries me that I am not changing or beating these sugar cravings. My desire to eat naughty food is still there like a big fat demon, especially when my defenses are down.

There is alot of work to do. See you Friday.

E xx

PS I had a grapefruit for breakfast!
PPS There are so many topics in the papers this week for discussion - mind over matter, beat up working Mum's and pile on the guilt (AGAIN!) - we will talk later!