Wrap up in a duvet

14st 8lb. Today is a day when I feel like lying on the sofa, wrapped in a duvet, watching a soppy film whilst dipping a Mars bar into a mug of hot chocolate.

You will be relieved to know that instead I have made a cup of tea and am writing this, which distracts me from food. I really need to go off into a corner, have a good cry and get it out of my system. This may be easier if I knew what "it" was. I am in a miserable, self pitying mood (as you may have gathered) and feel stuck in a rut. Nothing is working right - my diet, my work, the children, my health. I am absolutely knackered which, of course, does not help my mood. I had more than usual amount of sleep at the weekend but perhaps, like my diet, the journey down and back out weighed the benefit of being good in between. Work is hectic and whatever I do never seems to be quite good enough. The children break up for half term tomorrow and last night gaily asked what we were doing during the holidays - I am working god knows how many hours until next Friday when I'll be so tired I'll be neither use nor ornament, as the saying goes. In addition, it is "Think Pink" day (Breast Cancer) at school tomorrow and they need to dress in pink - they are not really pink girls and the only pink T-shirt I possess is an Ann Summers one that I was given with something obsene on the front - certainly not suitable for school! I will have to do a mercy dash to Tescos. I am suffering the guilt complex of the working mother. To compound the problems, I had to go to the doctor this morning as my bad leg is horrible - I am now on two strong antibiotics for a fortnight to combat cellulitis (so give it three days and I'll have thrush to add to my woes!)

Do you know, I feel better already! A good moan to cyberspace has done some good.

So, to today. I have eaten sensibly and, although not even remotely in the mood, had a good hour's walk with the dog. I should have felt lifted by the glorious colours in the woods and the fact that it wasn't raining as had been forecast, but I didn't. Lucy chased rabbits (to no avail thankfully) and generally ran around just happy to be out. She found a number of dry, crisp rabbit carcasses to relish (my mother calls them rabbit jerky) - why do dogs take such pleasure from such revolting fayre? I almost took on extra protein of my own, in the form of a fairly large spider which must have chosen to swing from a branch at the exact moment that I huffed and puffed my way up the hill towards the stile - as I took a deep breath the spider must have been sucked into the vacuum and splatted onto my tonsils. The poor, very polite looking couple who had the misfortune to arrive at the other side of the stile, looked totally alarmed to find me frantically trying to expel the creature in a most unladylike manner! It was revolting but worked - I'm afraid the spider is no more but at least I am not going to be kept awake imagining the wriggling and multiplication of an active arachnid!

Tonight I am going to a hand bag party - having paid my accountants, the electricity bill, two large car repair bills in addition to the usual household expenses this month, I can't afford a new purse, never mind a new hand bag. However, she's a great friend and entertaining host, so I shall go and help with refreshments (without eating them all) - perhaps I'll skip supper and just go for red wine?!

Tomorrow is another day.

E xx