Please bear with me

or should that be bare? I think bear.
14st 8lb. This is an outrage on the scale of when I went to Leeds at the beginning of my quest. Have you ever felt you are living life swimming through treacle - well, this is me, stuck in this rut of pathetic weight loss. I'm fed up - you must be fed up. By Friday, I resolve to be back where I was a week ago. God, this weight loss is hard work and a strain on resourses.

Anyway, I have loads to talk about after 5 days away. Some light hearted, some more serious so take what you like from it. Where to start? At the very beginning, as it says in the song.
Last Thursday, I set off to Cornwall. I went into work before 7am and had a very busy day. I made myself have a roast pork dinner as I knew I had a long drive ahead of me - I had no potatoes and only a little gravy. I set off at 4pm, dreading the drive - get on the motorway at Lancaster and, in theory, remain on it to Plymouth - sooooo boring! I would love to say that I only ate the orange and banana that I thoughtfully packed but no, I'm sorry but I would be lying. I actually ate: one banana, one cheese and tomato roll, one pack of sesame seed snaps, 1/2 bag of fruit pastilles, one scone (left over from work - should have thrown it away), one regular cappucino, a Bounty bar (ok, I admit it, a trio - but at least I didn't fall for the "buy 2 for £1.20 offer). What is it about the car? Is it the privacy? You are in your own little world and no one can see you? I get in it and start planning my snacks - I know I shouldn't have let any of it over the threshold but I am a disgrace. I drive along setting targets for when I am allowed to eat my next item. "You can have the other half of that Bounty when you have passed two service stations" - it never works, I've always scoffed it before I pass the first. Thank God I am not a sales rep - I would be the size of a house. I will make a BIG confession later in the week about not being able to resist temptation.

Well, I made steady progress through the various road works and passed Exeter at 10.15pm looking forward to a cup of tea and the electric blanket which had been left on in anticipation of my arrival. I went into roadworks, started to go up a hill and went to change gear - strange grinding noise. Tried again - worse grinding noise. I'm on the M5 and coming to a halt - it's dark and drizzling and my car has stopped in the middle of the M5. Not a good place to be. I let the car free wheel back into the cordoned off bit and rang the AA. "We can't help you until you are in a safe place. Get out of your car. Stand in the central reservation. Put the phone down and ring the police. They will get you out". Thankfully a very nice chap on the other carriageway stopped and arranged for a truck to come and "retrieve" me. They came and took me to Exeter racecourse car park where they left me - pitch black, huge car park and one other car with a man inside. He gets out and tells me he's been waiting for two and a half hours to be recovered. "Don't want to sound funny" he says, "but my car is warm and I have a radio. I'm perfectly safe". Now, I'm not being funny, but is he really going to get out and announce that he's the local pervert. Add to that fact, my car may look like a heap but it does have a heater and a radio too. I ask what is wrong with his car. He has a burst tyre. Hmm. Two and a half hours with a flat tyre. He's safe! Eventually, I am recovered, taken to a local garage (with the clutch gone apparently) given a hire car and finally reach the extremely hot bed at 2.15am. Not the journey I had planned.

However, I awake to a beautiful morning and, partly due to excessive guilt at the food fest in which I had partaken on my journey down, I decide to walk the four miles to Granny's. It involves 2 miles down little roads to Talland Bay and then a further couple of miles along the cliff path to Polperro. It was glorious, invigorating and the perfect start to the day. More of cliff walks later.

I was expecting a change in Gran. I had been warned of change in Gran.

I was not prepared for the change in my Gran. My beautiful Granny is in a tiny, frail, skeletal frame. It is a shock to see someone so diminished. Her vibrancy is gone. She is exhausted with life. How can you continue to sleep when all you do is sleep? We chatted then she dozed. I held her hand and watched her. We reminisced about friends, relatives and happy childhood days. I told her about the girls and their busy lives. She told me I looked healthy, lovely and well. I felt it. She said she has missed my Grandpa every day for over 33 years and is ready to see him again - I feel almost happy for her in a sense.

On the food front, ignoring the excesses of the journey down, I did very well. On Friday I had the delicious crab salad I had been promised, then for supper a chicken leg without the skin. On Saturday, I had muesli for breakfast, Mum's soup for lunch and salmon with roasted vegetables for supper. On Sunday, I had muesli for breakfast, chicken leg and vegetables for lunch...and then a bit of a fest on the way back north...but not as bad as the journey down!

As well as being healthy on the eating front, I had good exercise in long walks with Mum's dog. I am a Yorkshire girl at heart and love Wensleydale. However, there is something so restorative about walking on the cliffs. For me, it is the mixing of elements. Unusually the sea was calm and the sky a vast expanse of blue. It was utterly beautiful and just what I needed to contemplate Granny and life in general. Even in mid October, there were acres of creamy, musky scented honeysuckle, intertwined with brambles and autumnal bracken. In the hedgerows, there were still campions, knapweed, dog daisies, wild thyme and sage. It feeds your senses. I found myself wondering how anyone could go shopping or attend a car boot sale on a Sunday - what a waste of time to restore the rhythm to your life after a busy week.

So, all in all, inspite of two naughty car journeys, I did not deserve a 3lb gain. I am going to weigh myself daily this week to make sure I get back down. It has to be a blip. I have to get moving.