Day 4 In which I become a blog bore

15st 6lb. I am in serious danger of turning from an "I hate myself", fattie bore into a blogging, dieting bore! It is very wierd, but, since I started doing this (even if no one is reading it) I have felt happier, more confident and full of energy.

Other than for vanity/self esteem issues, I have never explained exactly why I am dieting. In reality it is because my health is starting to be a problem. I am 44 and look bleakly at the future. I have a dreadful leg - a combination of a bad fall, bad veins and poor circulation. I have been to the consultant 18 months ago and he said I needed to lose weight before he could do anything for me and he wanted to see me in 6 months. I phoned to postpone the appointment explaining to the secretary that I hadn't lost the weight he required - and she put it back by 4 weeks - I needed another 6 months! I think he was looking for a little more than the 3lb I offered. Suffice to say, I have since postponed again.

To compound the issue, I hurt my knee a few weeks ago (don't go on the whirly thing on Bridlington sea front!) and have cartiledge damage - Sod is a busy guy so of course it's the knee on my good leg. Sense would tell me that putting such pressure on my poor old knees is not helping.

Add to that the fact that my breathing isn't great and any sane person would conclude that action is needed.

Now, other things to get straight. I know that certain organisations tell you that diet, sin, naughty, treat, etc, are forbidden words - we are not dieting, we are "changing our eating habits", or "altering the way we look at food" - no, I am dieting. I will diet for the rest of my life, even when I achieve my goal (note the when!). Another thing, I am putting my weight loss experience into a blog, not giving dieting advice - I am in no way qualified and just do what works for me.

So, what did I do that was positive today? Well, I am lucky enough to have my daughter's boyfriend (Ben"relentless"Smith - www.benjaminmiguel.webs.com) staying. I had carelessly mentioned that I liked tennis and he offered to take me to the tennis courts for some coaching and exercise (I meant Wimbledon, strawberries, Pimms, etc). So, more public humiliation. Can I take it? Go on then, what's to lose (other than the tiny shred of remaining dignity?) I LOVED IT. He gave me over an hour of patient coaching and I was flushed and glowing (ok, red and sweaty) at the end of it, but by no means embarrassed or feeling like a failure. I can't wait to go again!

All in all, an excellent day.
E xx