day 1

Still 15st 8lb which is no surprise as I only started this diet yesterday. The weight-loss fairy did not appear in the night, which is basically my ideal way to lose the pounds. If it was easy, we'd all be thin.

A bit about me. I was a thin child, healthily slim teenager and throughout my
20's. I stayed on the right side of healthy after my first two children and was around 12st7lb after my third. My problems started in my mid thirties when I opened a deli, making all our own food, cakes, puds, etc. In reality, I did not need to quality check every tray of chocolate brownies, honey nut flapjack, almond slice - but I did! Within a year, I was not far short of 16st where I stayed, give or take a stone, for the next 5 years. I hated myself and had very low self esteem.

Four years ago, when I hit 40, I decided that I didn't want to be fat and 40 - it was time to lose my post-baby weight - afterall, the youngest was 6 (years old, not months!). I was prescribed Orlistat from the doctor which I took for about 6 weeks, after which nothing would have stopped me. I lost 4 stones in 4 months and felt on cloud 9 - I could go into any shop and pick up a size 14, knowing with confidence that it would fit me. I felt worthy of living in the world and I positively strutted! I stayed just under 12 stone for almost a year, without too much difficulty, which for my
5ft7" height was acceptable.

Then my business hit financial difficulties and life was very stressful. Some people hit a stressful period in their lives and weight just falls off them - me, I go straight for sugar. By pass sensible eating - it's biscuits, cakes, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate. More self loathing. More chocolate. Hamster wheel. I was soon back up to 16 stone and as miserable as ever.

Basically, happy, sad, stressed, relaxed - whatever the mood, chocolate will do the job!

Anyway, better get on with the day. Going shopping with my girls so will have to think about lunch before I go. I dread my three gorgeous girls picking up my insecurities and obsessions.

Barbeque with friends tonight so will take a fat pill and probably drink too much (no fat in wine!)

E xx